I have some debate questions for Donald Trump

number one: what the fuck is wrong with you?

Mr. Trump, can you name all Ten Commandments?

ok then, can you name five of them?

wait, did you just say that the Second Amendment is one of the Ten Commandments?

do you know where Melania is right now?

here are six photos of teenage boys. which one is Barron?

what the fuck is wrong with you?

a shark leaves Cleveland traveling east at 20 miles an hour. a boat leaves New York traveling west at 40 miles an hour. how long before the battery in the boat causes it to sink?

here are two photos. which one is Nancy Pelosi and which is Nikki Haley?

how does a bill become a law?

how much does a bitcoin weigh?

is Hannibal Lecter a real person? is he alive?

is Frederick Douglass a real person? is he alive?

John McCain. was he a sucker or a loser?

the soldier who took your place in Vietnam. was he a sucker or a loser?

here are two photos. which one is Ivana Trump and which one is E. Jean Carroll?

let’s say you lived too close to a windmill and you developed noise cancer. who would you want to treat you, Dr. Ronny Johnson Jackson, or the guy who diagnosed your imaginary bone spurs?

here are some drawings of animals. which one is the camel?

let’s try that again. which one is the camel?

who did you pay to take your cognition test for you?

which is better at curing covid, Clorox or Lysol?

no, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?

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as the debate draws closer, the screeching from the howler monkeys grows ever louder — and ever more incoherent.

here’s Congresswoman Sporkbrain, dropping in on one-man maggot incubation zone Steve Bannon’s podcast.

“I spoke to president Trump just a little over an hour ago, absolutely love him. I love him. I have so much faith in him. I have complete faith in that he is going to hit a home run, but he is walking into a trap, he is walking into a rigged debate, he is walking into an arena filled with people that want to MURDER HIM. he’s going to stand ten feet away from Joe Biden, who wants to put him in prison the rest of his life, wants him to die and rot in prison.”

dial down the hysteria a little, you three-toed freak of nature, you’re drooling.

this is the level of discourse is in wingnutville right now. DEAR LEADER IS INVINCIBLE AND WILL FUCKING DEMOLISH JOE BIDEN but also Dear Leader can’t possibly win because it’s rigged.

this way the numbskulls get to have it both ways. if Donny Fucknugget manages not to embarrass himself on live TV, that’s because Donny is A WINNING WINNER WHO ALWAYS WINS — and if, as is more likely, Donny makes a total fool out of himself, they get to scream how it was RIGGED! RIIIIIIIIIIIGGED!!!!! at the tops of their lungs, for the rest of their lives.

yo, Stevie Three Shirts, can we talk? you have to report to prison in four days. time is precious — and it’s dwindling, bro. why would you waste even five minutes of your remaining freedom in the company of this empty-headed embarrassment?

go outside and touch grass, my dude. it’ll be a while before you see it again.

you gotta love it that Donny’s quote-unquote “debate prep” includes bullshitting on the phone with low-wattage twits like Marge.

oh. and speaking of standing ten feet away from someone who wants to MURDER their opponent, does anyone remember the 2020 debate where Donny tested positive for covid, but went out to stand next to Joe Biden anyway?

does anyone remember that a covid-carrying Trump infected his entire debate prep team, and Chris Christie almost died as a result?

so tell me again, Marge, about how Joe Biden wants to MURDER Donald Trump. it’s such a good story. by the way, isn’t Donny the one who never stops talking about retribution and revenge?

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here’s more performative fucknuttery from one of the Very Serious People who populate the dipshit wing of the Republican Party — by which I mean the entire GOP.

the fine citizens of Kentucky’s Tennessee’s (my error! —jt) 5th District sent Andy Ogles to Congress to do the people’s bidding. unfortunately for them, this is the ass-hattery they’re getting instead.

“by the way, I have my bill the ‘No Jeecee— No Juicing Joe’ which would require him to divulge, to report to the American people any time that he takes a mind-altering stimulant like we know he’s gonna half to do before this debate. they’re gonna have him juiced up and jacked up on some sort of cocktail so that he can be lucid and take on, or at least try to debate Donald Trump.”

stand back everyone, Andy Ogles has a bill. I guess it’s game over for Sleepy Brandon.

Congressman Ogles, I have a question: do you even know how a bill becomes a law? you’re introducing a bill right now to affect something happening tonight? is Holy Mike bringing it to a vote this morning? is Chuck Schumer bringing it to the Senate floor this afternoon? will Sleepy Brandon be signing it on Air Force One en route to the debate? what the fuck are you even gibbering about?

by the way, I did a search of Congress’s web site. of course there isn’t any “No Juicing Joe” bill. it’s just something Ogles pulled out of his ass so he could have a sound bite for Newsmax. you knew this and I knew this, but every credulous dope out there in MAGA-land now thinks there’s actually something out there called the No Juicing Joe bill. how do these easily-played rubes get the fork to their mouths without stabbing themselves in the eye?

and Jesus H. Christ, you utter fucking clown, at least give your dumb-ass imaginary bill a name that you can say without stumbling over it.

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shit is getting real. as I sit here finishing up this post, it’s about ten hours until the debate starts at 9 pm eastern time. see you there. I’ll have a chat thread open so we can yap about the debate as it happens. stay tuned.