Hunter Biden is just fucking with House Republicans now, and it’s a glorious sight to behold

panicked Republicans had no clue how to react

Hunter Biden is fresh out of fucks, and he just grabbed the GOP by the scruff of their necks and rubbed their faces in their own clownish stupidity.

Wednesday started out perfectly normal enough. House Republicans, instead of actually working to solve any of America’s looming problems — for instance, there’s that held-together-with-spit-and-baling-wire budget agreement that expires in eight days — chose instead to focus on the all-important task of holding Hunter Biden in contempt of Congress for failing to show up for their bullshit closed-door kabuki hearings.

and so everyone assembled, all the usual suspects took their places, cameras started rolling, and everyone got ready for James Comer to start yap-yap-yapping about canceled checks and secret phone calls like some fucked-up Elmer Fudd on meth —

when all of a sudden, who saunters right onto the floor of the committee room but Hunter Fucking Biden himself. he elbowed his way through the crowd and sat right down in the front row and was all hey assholes, get a load of me. anybody want to see my freakishly ginormous dick?

ok, I may have made that last part up.

did chaos ensue? oh my dear friends, fuck yes, it absolutely did — and it was a glorious thing to behold.

nobody saw it coming — Hunter’s appearance was unanounced — and panicked Republicans had no clue how to react.

dude, we’re trying hold you in contempt for not showing up, and you just showed up. bro, what the fuck?

Nancy Mace, the scarlet moron from South Carolina, called Biden “the epitome of white privilege,” because apparently words no longer have meanings.

she also accused Hunter of having no balls — something she knows is false, because Marjorie Taylor Greene showed everyone a photo of Hunter’s balls a few months ago.

speaking of Old Three Toes, Hunter chose the moment she opened her braying mouth to get up and walk out of the room, taking all the cameras and attention with him, leaving Sporky to sputter incoherently about how unfair it all was.

at that point, the hearing descended into total pandemonium, with Marge caterwauling at the top of her lungs while committee members argued with each other.

and god love Jared Moskowitz, because that was the moment he chose to hold up a poster-size photo of Jeffrey Epstein cavorting with a well-known sex offender.

Moskowitz also took a well-aimed shot at the GOP’s clownfoolery.

“so I’m listening to the gentle lady from South Carolina about the witness being afraid to come in front of the committee. that’s interesting. he’s here. he doesn’t seem to be too afraid.”

in all seriousness, can no one get Paul Gosar the help he obviously needs? he’s a fucking mess.

let’s get back back to Marjorie Taylor Greene, because she had one more unforced self-own up her sleeve. she demanded to be allowed to introduce “evidence,” at which point Jamie Raskin objected, for obvious reasons.

Raskin: “in the past, she’s displayed pornography. are pornographic photos allowed to be displayed in this comittee room?”
Greene: “it’s not pornography.”
Raskin: “ok well you’re the expert.”

social media took this ball and ran with it. #MarjorieTaylorPeen trended on not-twitter for most of the day.

this is how you do it, folks. these are not serious people, and there is no reason to take their bullshit seriously.

the only way to deal with these full-of-themselves Republicans is to mock them right to their faces, and point out their hypocrisy.

these incompetent clownsticks can’t even manage to name a post office, must less get any actual legislating done.

they have earned our utter contempt, so let’s keep showing it to them.

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note: this post only scratches the surface of the wall-to-wall insanity of yesterday’s hearing. it was a complete shit-show from beginning to end. Aaron Rupar’s video clips of the whole enchilada can be found here.

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