holy shit, the leopards just ate Marjorie Sporktoes Greene's face

we have our first casualty in the War of the Stupids.

Jeff Tiedrich

Jul 7, 2023

672

“are these the Nazis, Walter?”
“no, Donny, these men are nihilists. there's nothing to be afraid of.”
— the Big Lebowski

the Freedom Caucus might be the most dangerous faction of the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party, because they genuinely do not give one infinitesimal shit about actual governing. they just want to set things on fire and watch them burn.

as dangerous as they are, they’re also entertaining as fuck, because they’re pretty much an incandescent shit-show of incompetent morons.

this is not an exaggeration. think of the most worthless empty-headed pantloads in Congress. I guarantee you’ll find them in the Freedom Caucus

shouty half-dressed degenerate wrestling coach Jim Jordan? yup, he’s a member.

somehow-unindicted sex pest Matt Gaetz? him, too.

neurological disaster area Paul Gosar? check.

moon-orbit aficionado Louie Gohmert? you betcha.

diarrhea-slider-slinging gun fetishist Lauren Boebert? of course she is.

deranged conspiracy loon Marjorie Taylor Greene? do you even have to ask?

the dimmest Republicans in Congress gravitate to the Freedom Caucus because they don’t make you do hard stuff like reading bills, or staying awake during committee meetings. all you need is a jerrycan of gas and a book of matches and bingo, you’re in.

lately, the Freedom Eaters have been devoting all their time and energy to fighting among themselves over who gets to be the biggest fucking embarrassment on Capitol Hill.

and now — holy shit! — we have the first casualty in this War of the Stupids.

that’s right, the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party just ate the whole face right off Marjorie Three Brain Cells Greene.

remember that dust-up a couple of weeks ago between Bobblehead Boebert and Three Brains Cells Greene, the two stupidest fucking idiots in the Leopard Caucus?

to refresh, Marge and Lor were battling over impeaching Joe Biden. the fight was not, mind you, over whether this was a prudent idea, but over who got to introduce their own impeachment articles first. Marge insisted that her articles were better, and besides, she’d worked really really hard on them, Lor was just being a jealous spotlight-stealing copycat.

they got into an amusing tiff right out in the open on the floor of the House, famously culminating in Green calling Boebert “a little bitch.”

yesterday, we learned about the fallout from that donnybrook: two weeks ago, the Freedom Caucus voted to expel Sporky.

that’s right, expelled. cast out. expunged. not for comparing masks to the Holocaust. not for harassing AOC. not for stalking a school shooting survivor. not for heckling Joe Biden while he was talking about his dead son.

no, none of those things were a bridge too far for the Freedom Fuckfaces. but cussing out a fellow dipshit? inexcusable.

so Marge is now moron ex-officio, cursed forever to wander the halls of Congress alone and unloved, muttering obscenities under her breath.

so sad. so sad.

so, does this change anything? not really. the Freedom Caucus will continue to prevent their captive chew-toy Kevin McCarthy from getting any real work done, and Marge will continue to say the stupidest shit imaginable.

but at least they gave us something to laugh about as we head into the weekend.

have a good one.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.