holy shit, the leopards are eating Lindsey Graham's face
you hate to see it
pity poor Lindsey Graham.
no wait, don’t pity Lindsey, the spineless fucker did this to himself.
no one person has worked more tirelessly to rise through the ranks of the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party and attach himself to power — no one person has kissed more leopard ass — than Lindsey Graham, the senior senator from South Carolina.
which is why it’s super fucking hilarious that right now, the leopards are happily munching on Lindsey Graham’s face.
yesterday, with Graham as the opening act at a Trump rally, the crowd of MAGA diehards booed and heckled Lindsey from the minute he appeared on stage …
… to the moment he cut his remarks short and ran the fuck away.
how did we get here?
you might be inclined to say that Lindsey Graham is a man with no principles, but that would be inaccurate. Linds is a man with one principle: figure out who has the most power, and attach your lips to that person’s ass.
remember when Linds and John McCain were inseparable pals? back in 2020, former McCain campaign strategist Steve Schmidt nailed the relationship:
And essentially what he is in American politics is what, in the aquatic world, would be a pilot fish: a smaller fish that hovers about a larger predator, like a shark, living off of its detritus. That’s Lindsey. And when he swam around the McCain shark, broadly viewed as a virtuous and good shark, Lindsey took on the patina of virtue. But wherever the apex shark is, you find the Lindsey fish hovering about, and Trump’s the newest shark in the sea. Lindsey has a real draw to power — but he’s found it unattainable on his own merits.
if you’re going to live your life like that, you’re going to leave an embarrassing trail of flip-flops in your wake.
Lindsey Graham loved Joe Biden before he hated him. flipppity-floppity.
here’s Lindsey hating Donald Trump before he loved him. flippity-floppity.
and of course, you know what happened next: Trump become president and Lindsey spent four entire years shining Trump’s shoes. no one was more pathetically obsequious in his devotion to his new favorite golf partner.
what happened after the failed insurrection is my favorite part, because I predicted it.
and sure as you’re born, right after January 6, Lindsey famously stood up in the well of the Sanate and proclaimed “enough is enough.” flippity-floppity!
and we all know what happened next:
Linds got heckled mercilessly as he tried to make his way through Reagan National Airport.
it was the last time Lindsey — or for that matter, any elected Republican who wanted to keep their job — criticized Donald Trump in public.
but the toothpaste was out of the tube, and if there’s one thing that MAGAs love to do, it’s hate. it’s the thing they do best. and what’s the second best thing that MAGAs do? hold grudges. for-fucking-ever.
which brings us to yesterday’s Trump rally in South Carolina, Lindsey’s home state, and the unkindest cut of all. after LG got his ass heckled into oblivion, the main attraction waddled onto the stage and — remember, this guy loves nothing more than to feed off an audience and give them what they want — joined the pile-on, calling “liberal Lindsey” the “progressive senator from South Carolina.”
you built that, Lindsey. you have no one to blame but yourself. in the next life, try to have a little integrity.
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