holy shit, the leopards are eating Jim Jordan’s face

and Donald Trump gets yelled at by the judge

shouty half-dressed degenerate wrestling coach James Daniel “Gym” Jordan has always been a loyal member of the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party.

whenever the leopards needed someone to do their dirty work, good old Jimmy Jords was right there.

want me to hold a sham hearing? you got it. need pictures of Hunter Biden’s dick? I can hook you up. how about an impeachment inquiry? is this guy giving you trouble? I will fuck him up.

and Jim would spring into action, pointing his finger and waving his arms and huffing and puffing and foaming at the mouth, all in service to the leopards.

no one worked harder to keep the leopards in power.

which is why it’s super fucking hilarious that right now, the leopards are eating Jim Jordan’s face.

and oh lordy, it gets better! the leopards aren’t just eating the shit out of Jim’s face — they’re taking turns.

NEWS: Some of Jim Jordan’s opponents tell me they've been purposely staggering their “no” votes over multiple ballots — a strategy designed to show Jordan’s speakership opposition is only growing. And that's why they tell me Jordan will bleed even more support on a third ballot.

it’s a ritual humiliation — how fucking awesome is that?

Jim’s few remaining allies responded in a totally calm and restrained manner: by completely losing their shit and threatening to kill people.

here’s Iowa GOP Rep Mariannette Miller-Meeks:

“I have received credible death threats and a barrage of threatening calls. The proper authorities have been notified and my office is cooperating fully. One thing I cannot stomach, or support is a bully. Someone who threatens another with bodily harm or tries to suppress differing opinions undermines opportunity for unity and regard for freedom of speech.”

oh great, the leopards are starting to eat each other’s faces.

the only House Republican who seemed to be enjoying himself yesterday was Kevin McCarthy.

so things are working out just swell for Jimmy Jords.

there’s a lesson here for you, Jimbo, if you care to learn it, so listen up:

these are full-grown adults, with real power.

unlike the sexually-assaulted students you failed to protect when you were a fourth-rate westling coach, you can’t bully them into shutting the fuck up and doing what you want.

as of right now, a third vote for Speaker has not been scheduled.

BREAKING, just as I was about to post this —

NEWS — JIM JORDAN will not hold a third ballot for speaker. He will back PATRICK MCHENRY as an interim speaker until JANUARY. MCCARTHY, MCHENRY, JORDAN, COLE and EMMER met this morning We reported this this AM in @PunchbowlNews

AM. CONFERENCE STARTING NOW.

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now let’s check in on things in New York, where Little Donny Fuckface just can’t believe that he’s being treated like one of the common people.

Trump has no power in court. he’s not in control. he can’t bark orders. there’s no butler to bring him a diet coke and change the channel.

and it’s fucking killing him.

up until now, Donny had been mostly behaving himself, pouting and glowering as he listened to people saying mean thing about him — but it’s eating away at his insides, and he’s starting to crack under the strain.

yesterday, as a witness was testifying that Trump’s shitty golf motels were worth far less than he claimed on loan applications, Donny started to audibly sigh and moan. at one point he threw his hands in the air — and then he started muttering to his lawyers.

Judge Engoron threw a shit fit.

A courtroom spectacle unfolded as Judge Arthur Engoron sternly silenced Donald Trump in court after an outburst clearly appearing to have the impact of influencing the testimony of the witness. As a witness testified against him, Trump's frustration boiled over, leading to a heated discussion with his lawyers.

Concerns arose as a state attorney urged Judge Engoron to instruct Trump and his defense team to refrain from commenting during the witness's testimony due to audible disruptions intended for witnesses to hear. The judge concurred, “particularly if it’s meant to influence the testimony.” Judge Engoron's command reprimanded an unhinged Trump, emphasizing the need for a fair and unbiased trial environment not swayed by his theatrics.

shoot that shit straight into my veins.

for the first time in his soft, pampered life, Donald Trump has to shut the fuck up and do what he’s told, and it’s absolutely glorious.

after lunch recess, Trump was gone, on a plane back to Florida. part two of The Donald Trump Show lasted only a day and a half.

just wait until Donny’s criminal trials, when he’ll be forced to sit in court for every second of every day, with no freedom to run and hide when the going gets tough.

it’s going to be a twenty-megaton shit show, and I can’t wait.

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and holy fucking shit, MORE BREAKING NEWS as I’m writing this post: Sidney Powell is pleading GUILTY to 6 counts of conspiracy to commit intentional interference with an election in Fulton County — and agreeing to testify against her co-conspirators — including Donald Trump.

it is too early in the morning to overdose on schadenfreude?

tick fucking tock, Donny.