holy shit, Taylor Swift has broken Donald Trump’s worm-infested brain
Taylor Swift is everything Donald Trump is not.
Little Donny Fuckface has a lot on what’s left of his decaying mind.
he’s in a world of shit. he’s already on the hook for close to 90 million dollars for defaming the woman he raped. he’s got four concurrent criminal trials going on. he’s fighting to remain on the ballot in Colorado and Maine, while additional states mull dropping him from theirs. his gold-digging third wife hates his guts. and we may find out as early as today just how many hundreds of millions Judge Engoron will order him to fork over for being a lifelong business fraud and tax cheat.
which is why it’s super fucking satisfying to learn that he can still find the time to pitch a shit-fit about how a talented young woman who does actual good in this world is a thousand times more popular than he is.
Last month, the source close to Trump adds, the ex-president commented to some confidants that it “obviously” made no sense that he was not named Time magazine’s 2023 Person of the Year — an honor that went to none other than Swift in December.
Donald Trump is for the first time in his pampered life facing serious financial ruin and possible jail time, and Taylor Swift’s popularity is what eats away at him.
Taylor Swift is everything that Donny Diaperstain is not, and it’s killing him.
she’s young and healthy. Trump is a cheeseburger-gobbling nightmare who is one shard of arterial plaque away from shuffling off this mortal coil.
Taylor Swift makes people feel good. Trump makes people hate.
she makes music that people enjoy. Trump has to resort to cheesy swindles and phony grifts to trick gullible rubes into parting with their money.
Taylor Swift is a woman from a small town in Pennsylvania who became an actual billionaire.
Donald Trump is the big-city nepo baby who was handed everything on a platter and turned his 400 million dollar inheritance into a billion dollar loss, and then went on to go broke running casinos.
do you know how a colossal a fuckup you have to be to bankrupt a casino? it’s a place where people go to shovel cash into your pockets twenty-four hours a day. where did the money go, moron?
Taylor Swift is a generous philanthropist. Donald Trump is such a cheap skinflint bastard that he buried his ex-wife at one of his golf motels so he could get a tax break — and then let weeds grow over the grave.
Taylor Swift got to be on a magazine cover. Donald Trump got to have a mugshot.
boo fucking hoo.
suck it up, buttercup. normal people don’t obsess over shit like this.
normal people who aren’t profoundly broken inside simply get on with their lives. they don’t live by some fucked-up internal scale that measures attention, and go ape-shit if they’re not at the top of it.
know what else normal people don’t do? make up weird conspiracy theories about a woman who is living rent-free in your head.
Vivek Ramaswamy uncorked his most bizarre election conspiracy theory to date on Monday, suggesting that the NFL playoffs may be rigged in favor of the Kansas City Chiefs to give Taylor Swift more national air time ahead of an eventual endorsement of Joe Biden this fall.
you’ve got to see it to believe it.
“I wonder who’s going to win the Super Bowl next month. And I wonder if there’s a major presidential endorsement coming from an artificially culturally propped-up couple this fall. Just some wild speculation over here, let’s see how it ages over the next 8 months.”
my god, the shrieking voices in Vivek’s head must have been working overtime to come up with this nonsense.
remember when this guy was the Republican front-runner for about fifteen minutes, until people started actually listening to the batshittery coming out of his mouth — after which then it was bye fucking bye, Vivek!
but hold on to your hats — it gets even loonier. Jesse Watters has a few bright ideas of his own:
“have you ever wondered why or how she blew up like this? well, around four years ago, the Pentagon psychological operations unit floated turning Taylor Swift into an asset during a NATO meeting.”
what the fuck? the who did what, where? I know what all those words mean by themselves, but when you put them together in that order, I have no fucking clue what you’re gibbering about.
Jesse, are you ok? did you munch on the wrong kind of mushrooms? has Judge Jeanine been sharing her special box wine with you?
Jack Posobiec, the pizzagate doofus, is another one of these brainiacs offering Swift free rent in his capacious skull.
here’s Jack, speaking recently to a gathering of who gives a shit:
“After expanding some more on his Taylor Swift op theory, Jack Posobiec adds: ‘We don’t have Taylor Swift on our side, but you know who we have? We have Kid Rock. We have Ted Nugent. We have influencers. We have all these people — Jon Voight.’”
imagine bragging about having Kid Rock and Ted Nugent on your team. oh yeah, that’s a murderer’s row of talent right there. Kid Rock, who hasn’t been a kid or rocked since the Coolidge administration, and Three Chord Nooge, the self-proclaimed pedophile who literally shit his pants to avoid serving his country.
bring it on, dipshits.
now let’s circle back to Donny Brainworms, because there’s one more thing about Taylor Swift that absolutely fucking terrifies him — as well it should:
Trump loyalists working on or close to the former president’s campaign, longtime Trump allies in right-wing media, and an array of outside advisers to the ex-president have long taken it as a given that Swift will eventually endorse Biden (as she did in 2020). Indeed, several of these Republicans and conservative media figures have discussed the matter with Trump over the past few months, the sources say.
Taylor Swift telling millions of her devoted fans to register to vote and pull the lever for Joe Biden?
shoot that shit straight into my veins.
Clearest case of good vs evil in my 87 years.
When all you have are has-beens like Rock and Nugent you’ve already lost.