holy shit! Preznit Fuckwit depicts himself as Jesus, and MAGA actually melts down

and Hungary sends its fascist packing

hey, everyone! it’s time to play America’s favorite new game, What The Fuck Am I Waking Up To Today?

Reporter: “why did you attack Pope Leo on Truth Social?”

Donny: “uh, I don’t think he’s doing a very good job. he likes crime, I guess? we, uh, he hit us— think of it. he’s worried about fear. what about the fear when— the— ministers and the priests and the— all of those great people that were arrested during covid, and in many cases they were outside, ten feet apart, and they were arrested. so, we don’t like it. we don’t like a Pope that’s gonna say that it’s okay to have a nuclear weapon? we don’t want a Pope that says crime is okay in our cities. I don’t like it. I’m not a big fan of Pope Leo. he’s a— very liberal person and he’s a man that doesn’t believe in stopping crime. he’s a man that doesn’t think that we should, uh, be toying with a country that wants a nuclear weapon so they can blow up the world. I’m not a fan of Pope Leo.”

folks, not to put too fine a point on it, but WHAT. THE FUCK. WAS THAT?

it’s just one goddamned beef after another with America’s Grudgemaster General, isn’t it? as if this guy doesn’t already have enough hate on his plate, now he’s mad at the Pope.

does anyone have any clue what Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants is gibbering about with these ‘priests who were arrested during covid,’ even though they were ‘ten feet apart’? are these priests in the room with us right now? obviously, this is some incident Donny imagines he saw on Fox News six years ago, and he’s been nursing a grievance over it ever since — and now, somehow, it’s the Pope’s fault.

fact check: fuck off all the way to infinity and beyond. it never happened.

There is no evidence of churchgoers being arrested while attending outdoor services.

Donny Convict is not a well man, that’s obvious. no duh. but how did we get here, that he’s now going scorched earth against Pope Fucking Leo?

as always, I’m eternally happy to explain. this is all happening because Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand, America’s Christofascist Secretary of Death, kept yammering on about how ‘God is totally down with our warfighting warfighters warfighting the shit out of Iran’ — Pope Leo was all ‘the fuck he is, Tattoo Boy.’

“God does not bless any conflict. Anyone who is a disciple of Christ, the Prince of Peace, is never on the side of those who once wielded the sword and today drop bombs. Military action will not create space for freedom or times of #Peace, which comes only from the patient promotion of coexistence and dialogue among peoples.”

‘God isn’t on anyone’s side’ and ‘Jesus is the Prince of Peace’ are fairly uncontroversial statements — but because Donny’s a volatile piss-baby who can’t ever have a low-key response to anything, he went totally ballistic and shat out one of his patented multi-hundred-word crazypants tweets onto his crappy app.

how completely fucking nutso is that? to call Donny a stark barking lunatic would be unfair to stark barking lunatics. this is not the reaction of an ordered mind. every grudge — no matter how petty — gets shoehorned into this tweet. covid (again!). the 2024 election. the stock market. Venezuela. even David Fucking Axelrod (why?) gets tossed onto Donny’s Big Grievance Shitpile.

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Dear Leader is unwell, and should be kept as far away from the nuclear football as possible. in fact, Donny’s minders should hide that sucker, and replace it with a suitcase full of those spring-loaded snakes.

that’s one of the things I miss about Joe Biden — how completely fucking chill he was, at all times.

if the Pope had ever said anything he disagreed with, Joe would have just leaned back, put his hands behind his head, and gone ‘yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.’

Joe Biden abides.

Donny Convict never abides. he demands complete compliance from everyone, everywhere, at all times. that means you, too, Mister Pope — if that even is your real name.

Donny doesn’t want some namby-pamby liberal pontiff wagging his stupid finger in his face and going ‘war is bad.’ he wants a Warrior Pope who’s totally on board, and is all ‘here, have a Holy Hand Grenade. lob it at Iran.’

but wait, Donny’s not finished with his childish antics. let’s watch him crank the crazy dial so far past eleven that the damned thing snaps off in his freakishly undersized hand.

ladies and gents, I give you Jesus H. Trump.

what in the hallowed name of AI Slop Jesus is this waking nightmare? Donny thinks he has the power to heal people now — just by the touch of his rotting hand, while eagles and soldiers fly around his fat empty head, and a nurse looks on in gratitude?

I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to call bullshit on this. that nurse is not big, nor strong. nor does she have tears in her eyes — so what the fuck are we even doing here?

wait, hang on a minute. maybe Donny does hold sacred power — because we might have a genuine miracle on our hands: normally-compliant evangelicals are actually speaking out against Donny’s sacrilegious tweet.

you really do have to love the Washington Post. is there no behavior of Donny’s that they won’t try to sanewash? to them, Donny’s tweet merely ‘appears’ to depict himself as Jesus. way to pull your punches, WaPo. you’re adorable. don’t ever change.

President Donald Trump’s posting of a rendering that appeared to depict him as Jesus drew rare criticism from the religious right, prompting calls for him to take down the post and allegations of blasphemy.

you know you’ve shit the bed when the Christofascist crowd starts yelling about how you’ve committed blasphemy.

The image evoking Jesus drew swift criticism from some evangelical Christians and conservative Catholics who have otherwise expressed near constant support for Trump’s decisions.

whoa, look at this: even Donny’s own hard-core MAGA cultists are all ‘bro, what the fuck?’

Donny really is his own worst enemy. he never knows when to quit. he always has to go too far.

as always, none of this is normal — and all of is it embarrassing.

it’s not normal for any world leader to compare himself to Jesus. it’s embarrassing for a head of state to get into a dick-measuring contest with the Pope. it’s not normal for a president to go ape-shit over a tweet. and it’s embarrassing for a chief executive to power-load his diaper over being reminded in the gentlest way possible that war is bad and should maybe be avoided.

as for Pope Leo, I’m beginning to like this dude. he won’t eat anyone’s shit — especially not Donny’s.

Speaking directly to Trump’s assault, Leo told reporters: “I have no fear of the Trump administration, or speaking out loudly of the message of the Gospel, which is what I believe I am here to do.”

Asked specifically about Truth Social, the pontiff offered a wry aside: “It’s ironic — the name of the site itself. Say no more.”

folks, that’s what you get when your pope comes from the rough-and-tumble streets of Chicago. he’s not going to put up with any bullshit from some soft, pampered dingus from Queens.

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and now, here are your heroes of the day: the awesome people of Hungary, who crushed Donny’s despot bestie Viktor Orbán so thoroughly at the polls yesterday, that he conceded his loss almost immediately.

boo fucking hoo, Viktor.

remember how no one thought this was possible? how, after sixteen years in office, Orbán had rigged the system so far in his favor that he would never been removed from power?

well, it looks like everyone was wrong.

stand up and take a bow, Hungary’s voters, because look at what you did: you made the Space Nazi cry.

boo fucking hoo, Leon.

congratulations are in order for Petér Magyar, Hungary’s new Prime Minister-elect — and let’s also congratulate United States Vice President Couchfuck McGee for his unbroken streak of clownfucktacular failure.

JD Vance is on a historic roll:
He campaigns for AfD in Germany - they lose.
Invited the Pope to come to US for Trump’s big event - Pope refuses.
Leads peace negotiations with Iran - fails miserably.
Campaigns in Hungary for Orbán - who gets smoked.

where should we send Couchfuck next?

maybe he should just hang around the White House more.

folks, Hungary has shown us the way. they’ve set the example, and given us our marching orders.

let’s do this. let’s stay angry, and stay invigorated — because if Hungary can get rid of their fascists, we can get rid of ours.

fascism wants you demoralized. fascism wants you to give up. that’s how fascism wins.

well, fuck that shit — and fuck it hard.

see you at the polls this November.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.