holy shit, Lindsey Graham threw Donald Trump straight under the bus in Georgia
and a fuckload of other news that happened yesterday
Lindsey Graham is what would happen if a hissy fit became a real boy.
for some years now, Lindsey’s been Little Donny Fuckface’s most loyal lapdog — but it wasn’t always that way.
Graham used to carry a pretty clear-eyed opinion of Trump — until the fateful day that Donny invited Lindsey out for a “friendly” round of golf.
nobody knows what Trump threatened him with that day (oh boy, can we speculate) but ever since then, Lindsey has toed the line, growling and snarling and snapping his jaws at anyone who dares cross Dear Leader.
which is why it’s so super fucking satisfying to learn that Old Linz sung his heart out to the grand jury for Fani Willis’s Big Georgia Election Fraud Fuckery Trial.
“After fighting a four-month legal battle all the way to the US supreme court to block his grand jury subpoena — and losing … Graham turned on a dime ‘and threw Trump under the bus’,” Michael Isikoff and Daniel Klaidman write in Find Me the Votes: A Hard-Charging Georgia Prosecutor, a Rogue President, and the Plot to Steal an American Election, Politico reported.
holy shit, put Lindsey under oath and the most amazing stuff comes out of his mouth.
According to secret grand jury testimony in Fulton county confirmed by the authors, Graham testified that if you told Trump ‘that Martians came and stole the election, he’d probably believe you’.
can you imagine? Agolf Shitler would have never shut the fuck up about it.
it was so unfair what the Martians did. so unfair. nobody has done more for the Martians than what I did. so unfair.
there was this gem.
He also suggested to the grand jurors that Trump cheated at golf.
upon hearing this, every grand juror stood up and shouted in unison, “TELL US SOMETHING WE DON’T KNOW.”
when it was all over, Graham apparently did a little yours-in-servicing of his own.
“After Graham was finished testifying,” Isikoff and Klaidman write, “he bumped into Fani Willis in a hallway and thanked her for the opportunity to tell his story.
“‘That was so cathartic,’ he told Willis. ‘I feel so much better.’ Then, to the astonishment of one source who witnessed the scene, South Carolina’s senior senator hugged the Fulton county DA who was aggressively pursuing Trump.
no word as to Fani’s reaction to the overpowering odor of lavender and old lace wafting off of Lindsey.
House Oversight Committee Chair Comer Fudd loves to put on his hunting cap, go on Fox News to say “be vewy vewy quiet, I’m hunting pwesidents, heheheheheheh” — and then take careful aim and blast away both of his feet.
but Comer’s comrades in the House are tiring of watching him bleat about canceled checks and secret phone calls while hobbling around on the smoking stumps where his feet used to be, and they’re speaking out.
House Republicans are increasingly disenchanted with Rep. James Comer, R-Ky., saying his leadership of the Biden impeachment inquiry has become a “clueless investigation” at best and — at worst — “a disaster.”
Less than 10 months away from the 2024 election, his impeachment investigation is barreling toward its conclusion, with no smoking gun to bring the president to his knees. Only one thing is clear: Comer, the chairman of the House Oversight Committee, has lost the trust of some in his own party.
“One would be hard pressed to find the best moment for James Comer in the Oversight Committee,” one House Republican lawmaker, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to maintain internal relationships, told The Messenger. “It’s been a parade of embarrassments.”
pro tip: if you vote for clowns, you don’t get to complain when you end up with a three-ring circus.
here’s a weird fucking thing that happened last Sunday: outside of a Haley campaign event, Rudy Colludy was spotted skulking about in a parked car.
what the fuck?
anyway, Rudes continues to have no more good days.
Rudy Giuliani has officially been ordered to testify in person next month about the state of his finances in the wake of a court order that he pay the former election workers he defamed, Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss, $148 million.
it’s anyone’s guess as to whether or not Rudy is ever sober enough to understand just how much deep shit he’s in. up to now, his legal strategy of putting his fingers in his ears and shouting “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU” has definitely not been working.
and finally, infuriatingly-unindicted sex pest Matt Gaetz might want to start looking over his shoulder at the all the lawmakers he pissed off when he engineered the shitcanning of Kevin McCarthy, because they’re coming for their pound of flesh.
The House Ethics Committee investigating Rep. Matt Gaetz has reached out to the woman whom the congressman allegedly had sexual relations with when she was a 17-year-old minor, according to a source familiar with the committee’s work.
The outreach, which has not previously been reported, is a sign that the GOP-led committee’s investigation into the Florida Republican has recently expanded to include questioning around allegations of sex crimes.
justice can’t come too soon for Congressman Plankhead.
be careful who you piss off, Matt — and by the way, there’s a technical term for sex with a minor: it’s called rape.
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