holy shit, it looks like Flim-Flam Trump’s appeal bond might be invalid

and Judge Fangirl pulls a fast one in Florida

Donald Fucking Trump. everything is sketchy with this guy, and nothing is ever what it seems.

think Trump University is going to teach you to buy and sell real estate? nah, bro. the whole thing is a scam. you just helped Donny buy a huge dipshit painting of himself.

think you’re helping cancer-stricken children? sorry, Charlie, you’re underwriting whatever the fuck it is that Eric Trump spends his money on. hey Eric, how about singing lessons for your tone-deaf wife? she could use some.

think you’re donating to a political party? guess again. you just paid for Alina Habba’s new ahem kidneys.

all of which is why it’s totally fucking unsurprising that Trump’s appeal bond is turning out to be a big smoking pile of horse shit.

we were all chagrined last week when some asshole billionaire swooped down at the last minute to guarantee Donny’s $175 million appeal bond for the Big Trump Family Business Fraud Fuckery judgement. goddammit, this shitbag is getting away with it again.

well guess what: that guarantee — just like Knight Specialty, the company behind it — is sketchy as fuck — and may be invalid.

the first thing we learned is that bond as originally submitted was incomplete.

But the surety bond was missing vital information typically included in those filings, experts say. These standard elements include documents related to power of attorney for the bond provider, Knight Specialty Insurance Company, a financial statement from the company and a certificate of qualification from the Department of Financial Services.  

what? no power of attorney? no financial statement? no certificate of qualification? what kind of fly-by-night bullshit is this? hey, just trust us, we know what we’re doing, we’re being told, by a company fronting for a lifelong fraudster.

sorry, homeslice, that’s not the way it works in New York. Letitia James was all nah bro, go back and submit it again.

so Knight Specialty refiled yesterday, and — holy shit.

In a court filing on Thursday, Knight Speciality Insurance Company revealed that its liquid assets don’t meet the needs of Trump’s already minimized bond. According to a financial assessment, the company, owned by billionaire Don Hankey, has just $138 million in “surplus.” Knight would therefore need to spend 127 percent of its reserves in order to cover Trump’s bond—far more than the 10 percent of a state-regulated suretor’s surplus that’s allowed by New York law.

beautiful. Knight Specialty doesn’t have the money to cover the bond that Donny Diaperload doesn’t have the money to cover. and they’re still not qualified to do business in the state of New York.

what in the ever-loving fuck is this snake oil we’re being asked to swallow?

have Donald Trump — or any of the gonifs who attach themselves to him like fucked-up barnacles — ever done one honest thing in their lives?

of course the shitfuck who runs Knight Specialty is sketchy as hell.

how did Don Hankey make his billions? by giving car loans to people who couldn’t afford them, at interest rates so inflated it would make a loan shark blush — and then repossessing the cars the second the payments were late.

so, definitely a philanthropist.

Don Hankey is also the largest shareholder in Axos Bank. hey, you’ll never guess who Axos does business with.

Over the past two years, Axos Bank, as well as its largest individual shareholder, California billionaire Don Hankey, have collectively extended more than $500 million in financing that has benefited Trump, records show. The cash influx has helped Trump to pay off debts and pocket a tidy profit while escaping from a lease on his money-losing former hotel in Washington.

Axos has also refinanced loans on Trump’s vermin-infested golf motels.

one corrupt hand washes the other. that’s how they roll in Trump World, where everything is sketchy as fuck and not one thing is ever what it seems.

Letitia has given Knight Specialty ten days to get its shit together.

James’ office recently filed a motion to compel either Trump’s lawyers or the Knight Specialty Insurance Company (KSIC) to prove that it is financially able to comply with the conditions of the bond. Her motion gives both entities a 10-day deadline to “justify the surety” of the bond, or prove it can actually pay the bond amount. It remains unclear what actions James would take after the 10-day deadline. Presumably she could demand the court revoke the previous agreement and demand the full $464 million bond.

let’s hope that AG James and Judge Engoron throw the fucking book at Donny for once again trying to bullshit his way out of trouble and hoping no one notices.

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hey, you know who else is sketchy as fuck? Judge Fangirl down in Florida.

yesterday Aileen Cannon issued a ruling in the Big Stolen Classified Documents Fuckery Trial that at first look seemed like awesomely good news.

U.S. District Judge Aileen M. Cannon on Thursday rejected Donald Trump’s bid to have his charges of mishandling classified documents dismissed on the grounds that a federal records law protected him from prosecution.

so Jack Smith’s put-up-or-shut-up gambit worked, and Aileen backed down, right? a big win for justice and a big loss for Trump — at least that’s how every mainstream news outlet reported it.

yeah, but also a huge fucking no — because Judge Cannon’s courtroom is part of Trump World, where nothing is ever as it seems.

But her order denying Trump’s motion, while ostensibly a win for special counsel Jack Smith at this pretrial stage, still leaves plenty of room for mischief down the road.

That’s because Cannon also denied Smith’s request to rule on jury instructions. And the reason Smith wanted her to do so was because earlier she had floated the notion of using a fringe legal view, based on the Presidential Records Act, in those instructions. So her ruling against Trump based on that act — a civil law that has no relevance to the criminal charges — could signal that she won’t inject it into a wacky jury instruction. But she left that possibility open for another day. 

Aileen’s trying to have it both ways. she’s giving Jack Smith what he wants for now, but in a way that lets her blow the trial up later on, when it’s too late to do anything about it. it’s the judicial equivalent of crossing your fingers behind your back.

here’s legal analyst Katie Phang to explain why Judge Fangirl’s flim-flammery sucks all ass.

The timing of that means Cannon might wait until AFTER a jury has been sworn-in and jeopardy attaches. Once jeopardy attaches, a criminal defendant cannot be tried a second time for the same crime. This is exactly what Smith is trying to avoid by having Cannon rule on the jury instructions at this stage. Cannon is sticking her finger in Smith’s face and telling him to do something about it.

that’s the crux: double jeopardy. if Judge Fangirl deliberately tanks the trial after the jury has been seated, it’s game over. Trump can’t be retried on the same charges.

law professor Neal Kaytal concurs.

Judge Cannon just rejected Trump’s bogus Presidential Records Act defense, but only for now. She has (weirdly and pointedly) refused to actually decide the issue, despite Jack Smith’s warning that double jeopardy would then apply. I think Smith has no choice but to go to the 11th Circuit on mandamus. It's a tough standard, but it is met here.

this ruling is a huge fuck you to Jack Smith — and to justice in America — and it’s time for Jack to get the Eleventh Circuit to intervene.

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