holy shit, Elmo Mush is even more needy and broken inside than we thought
if you had a millionty skillion dollars, wouldn’t you be happy to just fuck off and live your best life and never be heard from again?
let this sink in:
did you log onto the twitters Monday morning and find your that your feed was just one Elmo Mush tweet after another? well, you weren’t imagining things and you weren’t alone.
here’s what went down.
on Super Bowl Sunday, both Elmo Mush and Joe Biden put out tweets of support for the Philadelphia Eagles. and then, THE WORST FUCKING THING IN THE WORLD HAPPENED:
Joe Biden’s tweet got more likes than did Elmo’s.
this fucking fried Elmo’s brain.
and so Elmo reacted in the most Elmo way possible.
he hopped onto his private jet, flew across the country to Twitter’s headquarters, woke up all of his remaining engineers at 2 o’clock in the morning, demanded they drop everything and come to the office, and threatened to fired them all if they didn’t “fix” this “problem.”
not a single one of these beleagured engineers wanted to tell Elmo the truth: that people are getting tired of his act and nobody likes him any more. because the last guy to tell Elmo the truth got his ass fucking fired.
One senior engineer floated that perhaps people were getting tired of the constant drama that surrounded Musk in the first two months of his ownership of Twitter.
Musk, who seemingly wants little more in life than to be adored by millions of fans, fired the engineer on the spot
so Elmo’s remaining not-fired-yet engineers, sleep-deprived on a Sunday night, came up with the only solution that would make Elmo happy: they tinkered with the algorithm to make it show Elmo’s tweets to everybody. even if you weren’t following him.
(note: I’m oversimplifying. if you want to get into the deep weeds with a thoroughly techy explanation, follow this link.)
and that wasn’t all. in a desperate hail Mary move to force even more people to see his tweets, Elmo unblocked everyone he’d ever blocked.
holy shit. how fucking broken and needy is that?
imagine spending 44 billion dollars to become the biggest fucking laughingstock in the world.
but tell me: if you had a millionty skillion dollars, wouldn’t you be happy to just fuck off somewhere, maybe buy an island or something, and live your best life and never be heard from again? I know I would. I would be the happiest fucking millionty skillionaire ever
update 12:36 pm: even though I currently have Elmo blocked, twitter’s recommendation box is still begging me to follow him
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