Hillary wrote the Epstein Files, claims area lunatic

thank you for your attention to this matter

the Mad King knows a lot of things.

he knows it’s better to be electrocuted by a boat battery than eaten by a shark. he knows that windmills cause noise cancer. that exercise is bad for you. you can stop a hurricane by nuking it. magnets don’t work if they’re wet. he knows not to accept dinner invitations from Hannibal Lecter.

but of all the things the Mad King knows, here’s the thing he knows most of all: that the Epstein Files, which Pam Bondi just assured us have never existed, were written by Hillary Clinton.

I shit you not. look at the deranged batshittery Donny posted to his crappy app yesterday afternoon. get ready to take one of the the wildest rides of your life.

holy fuckballs, Batman. Donny’s posted a lot of crazy-ass shit over the years, but with this not-tweet, Dear Leader has just won the Nobel Is This A Piece Of Your Brain Prize.

where do we even start with this mess? let’s gird our loins and wander into the fray.

What’s going on with my “boys” and, in some cases, “gals?” They’re all going after Attorney General Pam Bondi, who is doing a FANTASTIC JOB! We’re on one Team, MAGA, and I don’t like what’s happening.

I’m fucking loving this. for the first time in his soft, pampered life, Donny’s adoring cultists are in open revolt over the Epstein Files — and Donny hasn’t a single clue what to do about it. the Greatest Negotiator of All Time™ doesn’t have the skill set to deal with halfwits who suddenly refuse to love him unconditionally, and he’s freaking out.

We have a PERFECT Administration, THE TALK OF THE WORLD,

guess again, fool. what you have is the Confederacy of Sewer Clowns, the least-qualified and most-inept fucktangle of shitweasels ever assembled. look at who you’re calling perfect: a Fox News dunk-tank clown, a Russian asset, the lady who can’t assemble a search team while people are drowning, a racist vampire, a bunch of granny-starving plutocrats, and a guy who doesn’t understand how germs work.

it’s a perfect shit-show, is what it is.

and “selfish people” are trying to hurt it, all over a guy who never dies, Jeffrey Epstein. For years, it’s Epstein, over and over again.

you know, for a guy who wants us all to stop talking about Jeffrey Epstein, Donny sure does never shut the fuck up about Jeffrey Epstein.

look, blabbermouth, you started this — by being a blabbermouth.

you’re the one who wound up your cultists by campaigning on a promise to release the files. you’re the one who told Pam Bondi to look into it — and she told everyone the files were on her desk. and now the cultists are being asked to swallow some shit-sandwich about how oh yeah, all those files we told you about? yeah, they kinda storta never existed.

as a result, MAGA is running around like the dogs with bees in their mouths, suddenly you’re like why are we all still talking about Jeffrey Epstein?

you know how we always say that every one of Donny’s accusations is actually a confession, and how the louder he yells, the guiltier he is? well, this level of freak-out from Donny should be all the proof you need that not only is he in the Epstein Files, he’s on every single page.

now get ready, here comes the crowning moment of batshit.

Why are we giving publicity to Files written by Obama, Crooked Hillary, Comey, Brennan, and the Losers and Criminals of the Biden Administration,

ohhhhh, the Email Lady wrote the Epstein Files — because of course she did. the files we were just told never existed, she wrote them. how does that work? did she use disappearing ink?

and she had help! look at this murderer’s row of fuckface forgers: Barack HUSSEIN Obama, James Comey, John Brennan and members of the Biden Crime Administration. yeah, all these people famously love each other. I’m sure that James Comey took time off from investigating Hillary’s emails to help her gin up some documents.

do you think they had a group chat going on while they were cooking up all this hokus malarky?

‘put your husband Bill in the files, Hil, that’ll really confuse everyone.’

let’s get back to the crazy.

who conned the World with the Russia, Russia, Russia Hoax, 51 “Intelligence” Agents, “THE LAPTOP FROM HELL,” and more? They created the Epstein Files, just like they created the FAKE Hillary Clinton/Christopher Steele Dossier that they used on me, and now my so-called “friends” are playing right into their hands. Why didn’t these Radical Left Lunatics release the Epstein Files? If there was ANYTHING in there that could have hurt the MAGA Movement, why didn’t they use it? They haven’t even given up on the John F. Kennedy or Martin Luther King, Jr. Files.

and when there was only one set of footprints, that’s when Jesus was standing behind Donny, rolling his eyes and miming jerk-off motions.

happily, we can dispense with the remainder of the post. it’s just an incoherent rehashing of every grudge and grievance, so let’s just skip all the way to the end.

Thank you for your attention to this matter!

eat a bowl of fuck, pal.

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you know, there was a time — long before the internet existed — when if you wanted to experience this level of batshit, you had to go down to the park and wait for the guy with the wild eyes, unkempt hair and dirty t-shirt to wander over and press a badly-mimeographed sheet of paper into your hands. you’d look at it, and it would be a thousand single-spaced lines about how this guy’s uncle is a toaster, and the government has files that prove this but refuses to release them.

now, this caliber of crazy is shit out daily from the rancid anus-mouth of the president of the United States — and we’re all expected to go about our business, and pretend that Donny’s cheese hasn’t slipped all the way off his cracker.

CNN can go fuck itself in new and creative ways, because here’s how they reported Donny’s unhinged melt-down: as if it were the most normal thing ever.

President Donald Trump offered a full-throated defense of Attorney General Pam Bondi on Saturday amid criticism from some in his base over the release of a memo about accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, writing on Truth Social that Bondi is doing “a FANTASTIC JOB” in her role.

“full-throated” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that lede. there is no hint in CNN’s dry reporting that Donny just posted the most stark barking bonkers thing, ever.

hey CNN, how about the part where the Mad King claims the Email Lady is behind this whole nefarious scheme? let see, you have to read down one, two, three, four— holy shit, you have to wade twelve paragraphs into the story before we get to it.

The president repeated his frustration in his Saturday post, writing, “For years, it’s Epstein, over and over again,” while accusing a slew of political adversaries, including former President Barack Obama, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, former FBI Director James Comey, former CIA Director James Brennan “and the Losers and Criminals of the Biden Administration” who he claimed “created the Epstein Files.”

just a perfectly normal president, making perfectly normal accusations.

if you only read CNN’s account and never saw the original post, you’d have no idea that the family of raccoons that live inside Donny’s head have finally chewed through all the wires.

and the press wonders why we get all bent out of shape over their sanewashing of this shit.

now let’s check out some of the replies under Donny’s post and see if MAGA has been mollified.

oh dear.

MAGA is like a dog with a bone right now.

Donny desperately wants the Epstein Files to go away — but the more he tries to cover it up, the more it’s not going to go away.

by the time this is all over, we may have depleted America’s strategic reserve of microwave popcorn.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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