286 Comments
author

SPOKESPERSON. why do I always find the typos five seconds after I hit the 'publish' button

Expand full comment

That's what makes you human, otherwise we would think you are a wizard!

Expand full comment

Or a trad wife!

Expand full comment

LOL! But TradWives are perfect, doncha know. 😂😂😂

Expand full comment

My wife just said, "Don't trad on me!"

Expand full comment

Just a regulat human, right?

Life: typos and spills on a fresh shirt. I bet that never happens either!

Expand full comment

This is what Katie Britt's performance reminds me of. A future Tradwife.

https://youtu.be/bSxuXQCEC7M?si=fGV3D9BJVdT6zLtV

Expand full comment

Point of fact...wizards ARE human. Jes' sayin'

Expand full comment

The witches and wizards you read about in fairy tales and fantasy can usually do amazing things. They can fly, cast spells and brew potions. Some can even see the future. These witches and wizards aren’t real, but they are based on people who are. Today, wizards have mostly been relegated to fantasy or to stage performers, who usually call themselves magicians.

Expand full comment

But I didn't say "real," I said "human." My cat is real, but not human. LOL, also not a wizard, thank goodness.

Expand full comment

I blame autocorrect. Or the dog.

Expand full comment

I blame my wife for letting me even reply quickly!! She knows me too well.

Expand full comment

Me too! My best proofreading happens just after I hit send. 🤣

Expand full comment

You just fucked up, just all the rest of us. No big deal. GET OVER IT!!

Expand full comment

Because your Human

Expand full comment

You're, you're welcome 😊

Expand full comment

I wasn't sure if the misspelling was intentional or if Mark was just trying to make Jeff feel better about his typo, but so many people are terrible spellers it's hard to know.

Expand full comment

I. My case Its not so much that I am a bad speller , just my LG phone keyboard is in the Process of Creating a new language.

I give up lol

Expand full comment

Grammarly does the same to me.

Expand full comment

Its a plot!

Expand full comment

Its a plot!

Expand full comment

Because that's what always happens, no matter how often you go over what you've written.

Expand full comment

It’s because of fucking changing our clocks to DST!!

Expand full comment

it's the way of the world...

Expand full comment

It’s a law of nature.

Expand full comment

I a. So glad you put this SNL clip on! I forgot to tune in.

Expand full comment

😂😂😂

Expand full comment

It’s crazy that the only way to edit an error is to pull up Substack in your browser, find your error that may be buried in a thread and fix the damn thing. I usually work from my phone with the app but use my I Pad to fix screwups. Pain in the tail, that!

Expand full comment

Because in this world right now you’re pretty sure typos are not all that important and that your fans get what you’re saying typos or not. And anyway typos are consistent with your stlye.

Expand full comment

Typing one-fingered from a phone is part of my excuse.

Expand full comment

Lol welcome to the club Jeff!!!

Expand full comment

*INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW*

*Why in the heck are republican congress critters so scared of Hunter Bidens wanger doodle?

*Why is it rump can't quote one verse of the Bible he claims to love but he can quote Hitler and Mussolini all day long?

*Why is it Russia and Republicans share a common history of a disregard for life and a lust for blood and destruction?

*If ignorance is bliss, why are the republicans so damn depressed?

*Is the NY Times at 172 years old too old to be an effective newspaper?

*Finally, cats are very intuitive. Why don't black cats cross trump's path?

- Because they are afraid of pussy grabbers.

Expand full comment

The Guardian is more than 200 years old and is a very effective newspaper. The Times is now a mouthpiece of the right.

Expand full comment

The Times might as well be Trump’s personal ‘Rusty Trombone’…..🤢🤮

Expand full comment

The Guardian is my go to these days. I respect the truthful reporting.

Expand full comment

Ditto

Expand full comment

You nailed it, Hoyt. I would point out though that no cat would want anything to do with Pumpkin head.

Expand full comment

Add: Why are republicans so stupid & bereft of logic?

Expand full comment

Or empathy.

Expand full comment

For the same reason they can't tell a joke.

Expand full comment

This was so spot on. But as a black cat owner, that last bit took me-owt!

Expand full comment

👏👏👏👏💙👍

Expand full comment

Brilliant! Especially the NYT bit.

Expand full comment

🤣🤣🤣

Expand full comment

My wife once sat next to Barbara Billingsly (June Cleaver) at a Kansas City hair salon. She was a knockout. A working actress. A formidable woman fully immersed in the world. She would've shouted "fuck the 'trad wife' bullshit!", as would have Hugh Beaumont (Ward). Let me echo that sentiment.

Expand full comment

Remember Barbara Billingsly in Airplane? Was it 1 or 2? She was hilarious!

You could tell on “Leave It to Beaver” who ran the show in that television family. Ward was such a supportive husband.

Expand full comment

My favorite joke about the Cleavers: "Ward, you were a little rough on The Beaver last night", over the breakfast table.

Expand full comment

The first "dirty words" on television.

Expand full comment

I came across Hugh Beaumont, I can't remember the situation, but he was so creepy , it was scary Something was definitely wrong with him.

Expand full comment

I’d heard that he’d been a minister. Perhaps there was some of that. I could’ve dropped him from my post. Because Ms. Billingsly was really the focus. Everyone assumed that she was a square, because she played the part so well. But my wife said she was really strikingly gorgeous, utterly charming and gracious.

Expand full comment

***FACTS THAT PROVE THE ‘AGE ISSUE’ IS TOTAL MALARKEY***

Fun Fact 1: If Dumbo is elected and lives full term, he will end up being the oldest president ever, right? Then why the hell is there such a big deal about the useless “AGE ISSUE”, knowing that whoever is elected will end up being the oldest president ever? Besides that, Biden is an effective leader, and dump is of course………..dump.

Fun Fact 2: The age of the last three presidents to die were Bush1 – 94, Ford – 93, and Reagan – 93. Current living Presidents are Carter – 100 this year, Clinton, Bush2, and dump all 78 this year. Obama is 63 this year and President Biden will be 82 two weeks after the election.

Fun Fact 3: The current average longevity of men is 78, by which metric the last three presidents to die outlived the average by +16, +15 and +15 years respectively. Jimmy Carter has outlived the average by +22 years. The healthcare afforded Presidents is the very best in the world in and out of office.

Fun Fact 4: Dump will achieve average longevity this year at 78, and we all know he is below average in all things except his weight. He does fit the profile of an unhealthy lifestyle, which could leave him with a below average age at death. All of this may mean absolutely nothing, but then again, at a minimum, some fun facts and something to think about. What do you think?

Expand full comment

Lord, hear our prayer. Take your servant Drumpf sooner rather than later. Amen.

Expand full comment
founding

But why isn’t he unalive yet? He’s living a life of all the things every good doc warns us about: eats tons of meat, bad fats, etc.

He’s a walking, talking, yelling picture of stress, anger, frustration, hostility. He has no compassion. He doesn’t have any friends. Anyone he knows is transactional only. He knows nothing about give and take (unless there’s an opportunity out to squeeze someone for money), (healthy) sacrifice for the good of others.

He has never done a day of volunteering in his life. He’s never swept a floor, nurtured a potted plant, fixed a handle on a dresser, scrambled up some eggs for the kids. We have zero indication that he’s ever done more than inappropriately paw Ivanka when it comes to loving family relationships.

He’s never walked a dog. He’s never had a dog. Or cat. Or goldfish. He’s only had MAGATS.

The only explanation can be that his internal “meter” is set to thrive, to produce endorphins over all this negativity. Normal people’s “bad” is not only his “good”, it’s his life’s orgasm. (Sorry. That was disgusting.)

I don’t believe in angels and demons. I’m an atheist. But his picture should be next to the word Evil in the dictionary. No further descriptors needed.

Expand full comment

I’m hoping The miserable bastard shows up at Joe’s inauguration,begging for a pardon,on his knees! Maybe Joes German Shepherd will be there too,and he hasn’t been fed yet !🐕⚰️😱

Expand full comment

Lovely visual

Expand full comment

Great visual! Those Germans can be tough.

Expand full comment

Privileged people live longer...?

Expand full comment

The richest American men live 15 years longer than the poorest men, while the richest American women live 10 years longer than the poorest women.

Expand full comment

And on average, Canadians live three years longer than Americans.

Expand full comment

"The difference probably arises from a combination of two factors, Canada's cradle-to-grave health insurance and lower social and economic inequality, especially among the elderly."

Expand full comment

Less stress.

Expand full comment

Plus, everyone has healthcare. Harvard University did a study several years ago and concluded that about 50,000 Americans die every year because they can't afford to see a doctor when they are sick. Before I turned 65 and could get on Medicare, I was spending about $750 a month under the Obamacare exchange in WA state and I had a $6,200 deductible. It was the best I could do. I was retired but my income was just a bit too high to qualify for a subsidy. I was allowed one physical every TWO years and an annual flu shot. That's it. I had a terrible accident and am pretty sure I broke my knee but decided to tough it out with rest, ice, aspirin, and borrowed crutches because it would have been too expensive to use my insurance to see a doctor. That is so fked-up! In my next life I'm going to be Canadian.

Expand full comment

Exactly, probably the biggest factor.

Expand full comment

Part of that also has to do with the impact of COVID. It substantially lowered life expectancy in the US. Canada, 19th highest. USA, 47th... below places like Cyrprus, Slovenia, Costa Rica and Bahrain. Your healthcare system only favours the rich and insured. How mean is that?

Expand full comment

Beauty, eh?

Expand full comment

ALSO, Cubans live longer than Americans! Fact.

Expand full comment

even mean people live a long life, i think he uses drugs that could one day turn on him

Expand full comment

Someone needs to till Kim

Expand full comment
Mar 10·edited Mar 10

Hoping (not a strategy) every day for a fatal coronary. sadly, the demon seed fred lived to age 93. he did begin to suffer Alzheimers at age 87.

Expand full comment

I’d be comfortable with a stroke ! WITH APHASIA.

Expand full comment

💯

Expand full comment

The question is, "Can a candidate run for President from the grave? If so, I'm sure he would still get millions of MAGA votes.

Expand full comment

I think since Biden’s Irish and if they take care of themselves, as the President seems to have, he should be fine. His mom died either well into her 90’s or she saw the century mark. Dump in the meantime eats shit and can barely swing a golf club. He rides his fat ass in a cart instead of walking. If his dementia doesn’t take him out, CAD just might. He’s always been a legend in his own mind but now it’s on steroids since Putin’s magatunity came knocking.

Expand full comment

Look how long they have kept Dick Cheney alive.

Expand full comment

he's too mean to die but also only 83

Expand full comment

A very sensible summary of the facts, Hoyt.

Expand full comment

If the trend holds, Joe could live into his 90's. Mobility may be an issue but so it was for Roosevelt from the point he contacted polio, and almost anyone who achieves that age. A sound mind is the real difference.

Expand full comment

I think. That the next 🐳whale that I see Washed up on Cape Cod is gonna be a blubberberger sent to LardAss free delivery 📦!

Expand full comment

You ask why on the first fun fact? Answer, it has NOTHING to do with age and everything to do with just keeping the shit stirred up. Controversy, fear, hate etc That is what the GOP traffic in so therefore, as if this were legitimate issues, here comes the obedient press bringing it up ad infinitum. At least that is 95% the 2 or 3 "investigative" reporters occasionally come up with something besides fetch and "come, Spot."

Expand full comment

I prefer to have a President who just attends to his job, without the need to create chaos several times a day.

Expand full comment

OMG. News and Social Media are presently just cleaning the floor with Katie Britt (R-SubZero).

🫣“Oh!… the humanity!”

Expand full comment

😆😆😆Excellent!!

Expand full comment

Even a blind pig finds a acorn once in awhile. Gee, what a shame for Britt. Got that dragged across concrete road rash a bit early in her "career".

Now a person with common sense would have read that speech and said, no way.

Expand full comment

Why does the "Republican" party continue to insist that women be relegated to doing the dishes? I'm past 65, and I dont know one single female who buys into this bullshit. Here's the thing. If that's what you want to do, go for it, but do NOT force that lifestyle on the rest of us. It's laughable they think they can force this archaic lifestyle. And troubling there are women like Katie Britt promote it. 🤦‍♀️

Expand full comment

That kitchen didn't look like anybody had entered it for at least 6 months. I read earlier that the refrigerator behind Britt cost $10,000! 🤣

Expand full comment

Right! She's married to a former NFL football player...not exactly mainstream. 🙄

Expand full comment

she and hubby have up to 6 million in assets

Expand full comment

I saw a photo of Mr. Britt, his eyes are WAY too close together. 😳

Expand full comment

HaHa! Thats always a giveaway!

Expand full comment

I wonder when we'll find out that the kitchen was one of those AI-generated sets. I bet independent detective-types are combing over it even as we speak looking for things that shouldn't be there. (Like Jeff's earlier posts with pictures of Donnie Dick-wad's imaginary black supporters). I assume EVERYTHING MAGA does and says is a lie. All somebody has to do (cue MSN) is discover it!😡

Expand full comment

IKR? Besides, who doesn't have the kids artwork on the refrigerator? Even if it is a Sub-Zero with matching panels!

Expand full comment

Fake.

Expand full comment

Obvious stage set, if you ask me. 🤣

Expand full comment

Green screen.

Expand full comment
founding

I’m gob smacked that she’s a senator. She’s an empty vessel ready to do the bidding of men. Who know better, right?

Expand full comment

Well, it is Alabama after all. Those fumducks gave up Doug Jones for Tub o' Shit Tubaville. Fuck, I am so GD tired of being locked in a room with the slow learners.

Expand full comment

When she was delivering her speech, I kept thinking of the song "Bette Davis Eyes" and replacing it with "She's got Amy Coney Barrett's Eyes".

Expand full comment

Oh my gosh Susan I love this so much- "I don't know one single female who buys into this bullshit."

Expand full comment

We didn't fight hard for our rights only to have them yanked away by these misogynic monsters. Their propaganda is disgusting.

Expand full comment

Fuck yeah Susan 🙌🏽 hey Katie Brit.. you can come and do my dishes and vacuum my house.. and don’t forget to dust.. I have a J O B and I’m a bit busy working to help support my family and pay bills. I’m equal with my hubby and our kids (3) are great and the 2 eldest swear like sailors, work and are self sufficient with college degrees and the youngest is trying to figure out how to make friends 🙄 he’s very smart and very awkward 😬 and they all love gaming. I’m still trying to win the very old Atari’s Pong game LOL 😂 that was my first video game.. and no I completely suck at gaming I tried a few games with my daughters🤭 mom the other button!! No not that one ..the X mom.. hit the X button then the other button.. OMG there are too many buttons!!! So back to Katie… bless your sweet little heart.. now fuck The Fuck OFF and when I want your opinion I’ll give it you🖕🏽

Expand full comment

😂😂😂. Yeah! What you said! ❤️

Expand full comment

I also thought it was a big steaming pile, Susan.

Expand full comment

Susan, they keep promoting it because it’s all they have.

Expand full comment

I would love to ask them... what does being a conservative mean to you? I dont think they could answer the question!

Expand full comment
deletedMar 10
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

You're so right. They only WISH young women today are like this. Nothing could be farther from that! 😂

Expand full comment

I gotta tell ya the Scarlett bit on SNL was one of the best cold opens I’ve seen… Reading the con press this morning… well… they are just shitting bricks over her performance….then the cons complain that SNL is not watched by many, that SNL doesn’t ridicule our president, that the only woke folks watch SNL… all I can say is FU… cons got to get a life or should I say MAGA get a life… They are devoid of humor, candor, honesty, critical thinking skills… I had a MAGA gym associate speak disparagingly about the SOTU thinking I was on his side, shocked him when I said our president was brilliant last night, then he went off defending MGT clown outfit while condemning the reps wearing those checkered scarfs…I said both are products of their constituents…man that guy was pissed… I told him do not talk politics with me ever. Best to you Jeff and fellow travelers👍

Expand full comment

They always try to deflect when it makes them look bad but everyone watches SNL. Especially since they got that spike last weekend from Sydney Sweeney.

Expand full comment

Scarlett J. did such a great job of being Katie Britt. The resemblance was uncanny. It was nice of Colin Jost to let his wife participate.

Expand full comment

She hadn't asked permission to leave the house for a while - he felt she deserved a treat.

Expand full comment
deletedMar 10
Comment deleted
Expand full comment

Of course not seriously.

Expand full comment

Colin and Scarlett are married if you didn’t know

Expand full comment

Please forgive the long post but those TV shows have never reflected the reality I grew up in, nor does this present day nostalgia for a time period match my previous experiences.

The much maligned 1950s is when movements like the next wave of feminism and civil rights began. They didn't spring out in the 1960s from nowhere. Yes, most of the mothers were home during the day in my neighborhood but they were equal partners with their husbands and often working at night while their spouses did the child care. The women I grew up with used the kitchen only to cook in, and I have fond memories of my mother baking. She also returned to school, got her degree, and went to work for a startup to help women find employment. After much hard work and initial resistance from the powers-that-were, my aunt became the first female VP of a major corporation in 1964. My grandmother got her driver's license in 1934 to help my grandfather run their small grocery store. They, and others in my extended family, were all very much equal partners in child rearing and working.

Yes, the women would run into sexism and snide comments but they let no one stand in the way of their goals. AND, this was very typical of 90% of the men and women in the blue-collar neighborhood I grew up in as well. Both spouses worked and took care of the kids.

My overall point is that I'm sincerely not sure what is the goal here? Why this headlong rush back to an image that never existed outside of Hollywood? Leave it to Beaver was not my reality. I'm sure for others in a rural setting, Green Acres wasn't either.

Expand full comment

My mom started her own preschool around 1970. One of our neighbors asked her if her husband didn't object to her working? Mom said "Why are you assuming he gets a vote?"

Mom kicked ass.

Expand full comment

AfuckingMen🙌🏽 your Mom rocks!!

Expand full comment
founding

Why go back? They are trying to use the happy housewife as a carrot to stir up men to make such demands of women, because so many Repubs are afraid of happy, strong women. I mean really… wasn’t she portraying the image of the perfect piece of fluff who would comply with every man’s wish…if you get my meaning—wink wink.

They refer back to the good old days for one reason: KKK-type mentality. They want to boss around and beat up people of color, particular Black people and women. They want to go back to a time when men puffed up and strutted about at the birth of a son, yet barely acknowledged a birth of a daughter. They want to return to an era where husbands, brothers, fathers, had the absolute right to have women locked up in insane asylums if they became “difficult”. (If you aren’t aware of this little quirk in history, please read up.).

Surely they want to go back.

Expand full comment

I was born in 1957. My parents worked together to raise their 4 daughters to be productive members of society, educated, compassionate, responsible adults. Whether we chose to married, mothers or astronauts was totally up to us. All they ever warned us is that somethings are harder for women to accomplish than men, so be prepared for that possibility. Not discouragement just truth.

Expand full comment

Women have been working for Eons

Expand full comment

Totally agree,my Ma worked waitressing at some really tough inner city joints,and saved our family’s ass quite a few times when the old man got laid off! The 60s were not the beginning of strong independent women it started when we were living in caves ,the June Cleaver thing was an elitist distortion of the real world!

Expand full comment

My Mom and Dad had their own company and she was the CFO .. my Dad was the CEO and she was a brilliant chemist. Dad’s gone now and unfortunately her brilliant mind is trapped by Alzheimer’s. But what a ride!! They were brilliant together.

Expand full comment

Step outside and you can feel the vibes of fed up women, all over the planet. Fed up due to a millenia of being subjugated, murdered, raped, and diminished, constantly, by men, of which btw there are fewer of, on the planet than women. Even more insulting, are those spineless, obsequious, power hungry bitches, who have not one tiny bit of hesitation to stab their fellow sisters in the back, on their way up the political fellatio ladder to grab a hunk of the power pie, no matter how much it hurts women in general. Britt, like Haley, and too many to list here, is just another back stabbing bitch looking in the direction of money and power, and a few facelifts, while the rest of women are paid less, and treated like breeding machines and receptacles for the pleasure of preferably men only.

Step up, ladies, or it will get worse.

Expand full comment

AfuckingMen🙌🏽

Expand full comment

I’d also like to remind everybody that Donald Trump can’t serve two consecutive terms which is what the Republicans ultimately want. Also, they put Katie Britt on TV because I think she’s the last woman in the Republican Party that most Americans weren’t aware of. They just keep showing us how much nothing they actually have #RepublicansAreAlwaysAlwaysTheProblem

Expand full comment

What's even more bizarre is that little full of shit Katie sunshine is allegedly on Trump's short list for VP. Sure would like to think that this wackadoodle choice would help Biden at the ballot box. Two of the biggest bullshiting facades on the same ticket is further proof how far the GOP continues to sink.

Expand full comment

That’s not going to happen after she was exposed for lying about that bullshit story she told

Expand full comment

I am still laughing at the thought that lying would cause dumbo to not want her on the ticket, who ever he selects for vp will have the art of lying down pat.

Expand full comment
founding

It would astonish me if he picked her after the resounding condemnation for her little talkie-poo. No matter what he says, he’s knows it was a disaster. His positive comments about her “speech” now are simply him trying to resuscitate a dead body.

Expand full comment

Rick- that floored me as well… Holy moly…

Expand full comment

I think they'd prefer 113 consecutive terms if their necromancy gets that good.

Expand full comment

Tub-o-shit is just that. Creating middle class jobs defends the family. Who was it that separated families at the border? Oh, those people don't count because they aren't affluent white people?

Republicans lie like dogs. Their lives and careers are built on lies. The biggest, fattest POS in the Republican Party is a lie and total scam.

Vote Democrat. Most of them want to do their job and help the American people. They are generally honest about their mistakes.

Vote Republican and get scammed.

Expand full comment
Mar 10·edited Mar 10

You may want to Google "Chubb Insurance Company LLC" as they are who posted the nearly $92 million bond for the orange slug in the defamation case.

Expand full comment

maybe putin is the underwriter, chubby has Russian ties as worlds largest shipping insurer?

Expand full comment

Yes, the deal was brokered through Russian operators.

Expand full comment

No doubt a lot of people will scoff at this, but putin and musk seem like the most possible overlords of the scheme. Another 450 million has to be covered next week i think?

Expand full comment

Kinda nice to have a former advisor for trade policy and negotiations for your bond issuer ,he’s probably under investigation for something or other no doubt ! Well wait and see!

Expand full comment
founding

A huge tragedy here, which sets loose abject fear within me, is that his base, and anyone willing to think positively of him and his movement, is either too stubborn, ignorant, blind, spineless, or angry to see or face the truth of his declarations.

We’ve never seen anything like it. Literally everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie or a distortion.

Expand full comment

My head is still spinning over how the rock-ribbed, freedom loving, commie hating Republican Party became the clueless, gullible, Putin loving, chronically dishonest, ChristoFascist party.

Expand full comment

So Britt is nothing but a Judas goat, leading women to their entrapment. The hypocrisy is so fucking blatant: she holds a seat in one of the most powerful bodies on Earth: presumably, she wasn't chosen at random by Alabama to be half of their Senate delegation, so we presume she's educated beyond high school (don't bring up Handy Boebert), and has actual political experience, not j a stay at home mom, (childcare?). This would be like Trump promoting Peleton.

Expand full comment

Love that comparison!

Expand full comment

😆😆😆

Expand full comment

Someone who writes a Substack post mentioned that the tradwife voice can also be heard when Michelle Duggar speaks. OMG!! These submissive white “Christian” women sicken me!! 🤮

Expand full comment

Jess piper writes about that voice. I’ve always had an unexplained aversion to that baby voice by a grown woman. Now know why😬

https://open.substack.com/pub/jesspiper/p/the-fundie-baby-voice?r=e0uyi&utm_medium=ios

Expand full comment

Thank you for posting that. I read it yesterday and wow!

Expand full comment

Thanks for posting! Jess Piper’s post says it all!

Expand full comment

Ivanka also uses that voice - especially with her sperm donor.

Expand full comment

I have a "Christian" aunt that has "the voice". She sounds like she's 10

Expand full comment

The "fundie" voice instilled in them from youth in fundamentalist Christian homes including Baptist. Listen to Mike Johnson's wife.

Expand full comment

There was a great video on Twitter (still looking) of a woman deconstructing the whole "Fundie Baby Voice" and what it telegraphs and how 30 years after her mother (who spoke only in FBV) died, she still can't hear the voice without cringing.

Expand full comment

P.S. Scarlett was a better Katie than the actual robot Katie. She killed it!

Expand full comment