here’s the evil that Republicans were up to while the fuckwits were fighting

some stories you may have missed

last week, as the world’s richest burnout and the world’s most erratic imbecile were distracting us with their pig-wallow slap-fight, Republican fuckfaces were fuckfacing up a storm.

let’s catch up on some of the clownholery that might have flown under your radar.

granny-starving Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick can fuck all the way off.

Congresswoman Madeleine Dean: “what’s the tariff on bananas?”
Lutnick: “generally 10%”
Dean: “Walmart has already increased the cost of bananas by 8%.”
Lutnick: “if you build in America, there is no tariff.”
Dean: “we cannot build bananas in America.”

this smug fuck has just one stock answer that he shoehorns into every situation, even if it makes no sense: build it in America.

yeah, let’s do that. let’s open dozens of banana factories all across the land, with hundreds of thousands of workers screwing billions of tiny little screws into millions of bananas as they roll down the assembly line. fuck you, Guatamala! eat it, Ecuador! bananas are American now!

lord save us from these out-of-touch idiots.

wouldn’t you like to see one moment of honesty from Howard the Lut?

“don’t you think I fucking know we can’t build bananas? my boss is a moron, and I have to say shit like this to keep my job. do you think I enjoy lying to you?”

wait, no — strike that last bit, because yeah, actually, I do think that Granny-Starvin’ Howard enjoys lying to everybody. that’s the way sociopaths roll.

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wait, what’s Lutnick doing back? didn’t we just tell him to fuck off?

“the idea is to automate that, to put it on the cloud, so that the 2,100 meteorologists and the hundreds of hydrologists can forecast the weather from central locations, and back up each other, and be more appropriate.”

that’s Howie, buzzwording at a mile a minute, explaining why it was totes cool for the Space Nazi’s merry band of pimply DOGE incels to walk into the offices of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and fire everyone in sight.

it cannot be overstated just how much Howie has no fucking clue what he’s talking about. all he’s doing is mindlessly parrotting the incoherent gibberish that Kid Ketamine yammered at him whilst in the middle of a ten-day bender.

…and then all the spoons and the forks will be up in the cloud which will be so much more appropriate to the hydrologists…

meanwhile, the National Weather Service has been gutted to the point where it can’t even predict a fucking tornado.

awesome job, Lutnick. why don’tcha go out and starve a few more grannies. you’ve earned it.

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White House energy vampire Colin Robinson Kevin Hassett can fuck off — but before he does, could he please wipe that annoying smirk off his face?

“the federal government workers, they’re hard-working, a lot of them are highly-skilled, but they’re sitting doing government work that isn’t much value.”

oh, please piss straight up a rope with this “not much value” horse shit. it’s all fun and games until your food stops being inspected, and planes start falling out of the sky.

I can think of one government worker who adds ZERO value to our country: Kevin Hassett. does he even have an office? in every single interview, he’s on the lawn in front of the White House.

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here’s some rando ‘economic advisor’ who apparently also lives on the lawn. he can fuck off.

Stephen Miran: “there are a lot of deals in the works. I expect a flurry around the deadline.” Fox host: “I’m sorry to interrupt but every time we do these segments, I’m just looking for the name of a country. can you give me a name?”
Miran: “I cannot.”

bro, if you can’t give us a name, can you at least tell us if any of these countries are in the room with us right now?

another day, another round of dissembling from one of the Mad King’s ass-clown stooges. look, on April 12th, we were promised “90 deals in 90 days,” as the Greatest Dealmaker of All Time was going to astonish us all with bang! bang! bang! one amazing trade deal after another.

the reality is that we’re getting 90 fuckwits on the White House lawn in 90 days — because it turns out the dipshit in the Oval Office isn’t the Greatest Dealmaker. instead, he’s Taco Donny, and he has no fucking clue what he’s doing.

by the way, mad props to Matthew Budman on bluesky, who reminded me that I tweeted this six years ago today.

in six years, not one fucking thing has changed. Donny is still praising himself for imaginary accomplishments — and now, even Fox News is getting fed up with the constant dog-and-ponying.

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before we get into this next clip, let me remind everyone that Louisiana Senator John “Not The Good John” Kennedy is an actual Oxford-educated Rhodes Scholar who pretends to be a moron in order to pander to the rubes who vote for him.

keep all that in your mind as the Esteemed Senator does his Mushmouth McYokel act.

oh, and Senator Kennedy can fuck all the way off.

Kennedy: “Harvard is in many respects violatin’ federal law.”

Morning Joe: ‘what federal law is Harvard violating?”

Kennedy: “Harvard practices ideological capture.”

now, I’m not a fancy-shmancy Rhodes Scholar like the esteemed senator here, so I had to google ‘ideological capture’ to find out what it is — and what I found were a shitload of right-wing thinks tanks all whining about universities that are — to put it in terms that Senator Kennedy would understand — ‘they’s teachin’ things ah don’ like.’

but you know what? whatever ‘ideological capture’ is or isn’t, there’s no federal law against it — so Senator Marblemouth can stick a fucking sock in his performative-nonsense grandstanding. that shit might impress his dumb-as-rocks constituents, but we’re not buying any today.

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here’s your hero of the day: Patricia Eguino, who used both a bullhorn and an air-horn to disrupt an attempted press conference by Proud Boy Enrique Tarrio. she completely derailed that shit. enjoy.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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