health scares! dead bestie birthday cards! lawsuits! so much shit, so many fans

just another day in Batshitlandia

there are days when the news is so fucking stupid that you have to constantly have to remind yourself that of course it is, we live in the stupidest possible timeline.

yesterday was one of those days.

the first shitpile of stupid to be dropped on our heads was the announcement by the White House that the Mad King is suffering from chronic venous insufficiency, and that’s why his ankles have been swollen, and could you all puh-lease stop asking us about it, thank you very much.

“chronic venous insufficiency”? da fuk is that?

Chronic venous insufficiency (CVI) happens when your leg veins become damaged and can’t work as they should. Normally, valves in your leg veins keep blood flowing back up to your heart. But CVI damages those valves, causing blood to pool in your legs. This increases pressure in your leg veins and causes symptoms like swelling and ulcers.

this is actually a stunning admission from Donny’s handlers, because up until now, they’ve always insisted that Dear Leader — an obese 79-year-old who never exercizes and lives on a diet of junk food and soda — was the picture of perfect health and was going to live to be 200 years old.

for fuck’s sake, Donny could have shown up in the Oval Office with his arms off, and Karoline Leavitt would have been all, oh it’s just a flesh wound.

the obvious question is: are we being told the truth — that Donny’s got himself a minor condition common in old folks — or is there a more serious diagnosis that they’re covering up?

is Donny’s heart about to go fuckity-bye?

don’t look at me. I majored in art in college. ask me about Rembrandt’s subtle underglazing, and I’ll write you a book. but medical science? please, that’s way above my pay grade.

what I do know is that there are those in the medical community who are all yeah, no, what the fuck are you lying liars trying to pull?

“From a geriatric nurse practitioner: I’m not buying that the only diagnosis Trump is chronic venous insufficiency and that his bruising is just caused by aspirin. I do believe he has congestive heart failure and is most likely on a stronger blood thinner like Eliquis. I recently saw pictures of his legs and they are edematous. Then there’s also the question on if he has been using a Foley catheter which would make sense if he was on a diuretic for fluid or overloaded and is using it for travel.”

fact check: what the fuck is going on with Donny’s pant legs?

“Totally agree. There are days when his whole face is bloated and puffy. Hand shaking does not cause giant bruises on the *back* of ones hand, that’s utter bullshit. Blood thinner or no blood thinner. The catheter was clearly visible in the picture of him at the fight.”

oh yeah, I almost forgot: that’s the other fairy tale that Donny’s handlers tried to foist on us yesterday: that the reason Dear Leader’s hand is mangled and covered with makeup is because he’s so fucking into shaking hands.

Leavitt said Trump’s bruised hand was consistent with “tissue damage from frequent handshaking” while taking aspirin, which she said is “part of a standard cardio-vascular prevention regimen.”

really? frequent handshaking? is that the shit-sandwich we’re supposed to eat? look, I may not know dick about doctoring, but I do know when I’m being played for a fool.

does Karoline Leavitt’s mouth have tissue damage from frequent lying?

as always, very little of this shit adds up.

look, I don’t like to traffic in rumors, or speculate. but these shitweasels leave us no choice. they’d lie about the color of the sky if they thought they could get away with it.

remember, it was just three months ago that we were handed this line:

April 2025: Trump’s annual physical showed him in “excellent health,” with no signs of heart failure, arterial disease, or cognitive decline.

all I know is the very last person on Earth whose assurances I would accept would be Donny’s own day-drunk pill-mill almost-a-doctor.

Ronny Jackson: “he has absolutely no health issues at all, I can assure you of this. he is very, very healthy right now.”

fact check:

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so, was the whole business with Donny’s health meant to distract us from the ever-worsening Epstein Files scandal? because spoiler alert: it didn’t work.

all day yesterday we kept hearing rumors about how the Wall Street Journal was working on big story that would make the Epstein thing so much worse, and — just to put a big fucking cherry on top of it all — that Donny himself had been on on the phone, trying to get the story shitcanned.

sounds juicy right?

and then, late in the afternoon, the WSJ posted their story. it was about a birthday card.

seriously, that’s all it was.

The letter bearing Trump’s name, which was reviewed by the Journal, is bawdy—like others in the album. It contains several lines of typewritten text framed by the outline of a naked woman, which appears to be hand-drawn with a heavy marker. A pair of small arcs denotes the woman’s breasts, and the future president’s signature is a squiggly “Donald” below her waist, mimicking pubic hair.

stay classy, Donny.

Inside the outline of the naked woman was a typewritten note styled as an imaginary conversation between Trump and Epstein, written in the third person.

“Voice Over: There must be more to life than having everything,” the note began.

Donald: Yes, there is, but I won’t tell you what it is.

Jeffrey: Nor will I, since I also know what it is.

Donald: We have certain things in common, Jeffrey.

Jeffrey: Yes, we do, come to think of it.

Donald: Enigmas never age, have you noticed that?

Jeffrey: As a matter of fact, it was clear to me the last time I saw you.

Donald: A pal is a wonderful thing. Happy Birthday — and may every day be another wonderful secret.

“We have certain things in common, Jeffrey.” yeah, I’ll bet you do.

now, here’s where the Mad King has completely lost his mojo. there was a time where he would have just gone ‘yeah, of course I sent it, we were friends, it’s a fucking birthday card, end of story’ — and MAGA would have swooned. that’s our president! that’s how a real man handles it!

but because Donny is suffering from a condition known as ratbrainscabosis, which prevents him from ever making rational decisions, he flipped out on his shithole app.

“The Wall Street Journal printed a FAKE letter, supposedly to Epstein. These are not my words, not the way I talk. Also, I don’t draw pictures. I told Rupert Murdoch it was a Scam, that he shouldn’t print this Fake Story. But he did, and now I’m going to sue his ass off, and that of his third rate newspaper. Thank you for your attention to this matter! DJT”

yeah, you do that. sue Rupert’s ass off. way to keep the story alive, dumb-ass.

wait, Donny doesn’t draw pictures? fact check: fuck all the way off.

remember, Donny spent literal decades crafting a carefully-honed persona of himself as some kind of preternatual poon-hound.

he even invented a fake publicist. he would phone up gossip rags, pretending to be ‘John Miller,’ and try to plant stories about all the starlets he was supposedly nailing.

What stands out to some who received those calls is Trump’s characterization of women whom he portrayed as drawn to him sexually.

“Actresses,” Miller said in the call to Carswell, “just call to see if they can go out with him and things.” Madonna “wanted to go out with him.” And Trump’s alter ego boasted that in addition to living with Maples, Trump had “three other girlfriends.”

it’s such pathetic, childish behavior — and, knowing what we know about the adjudicated rapist currently power-loading his diaper in the Oval Office, totally believable.

and now, decades later, we’re supposed to buy the lie that this overgrown adolescent didn’t send a nekkid lady birthday card to the best friend everyone knows he was best friends with?

oh please, don’t insult our intelligence.

and, oh look! the dirt on Donny and his Eppie Bestie just keeps on rolling in.

A former employee of Donald Trump claimed in a new interview that the president and Jeffrey Epstein were once caught bringing girls into Trump’s casino who were not old enough to gamble. The White House denies the allegations.

‘not old enough to gamble,’ meaning they were teenagers. Predator Number One and Predator Number Two had brought teenage girls into a casino.

“This [inspector] happened to be a tennis fan and he said, ‘Jack, I know she’s 19 years old,’” O’Donnell said. “They had determined that the women that they brought down were underage to be in the casino.”

eww. just eww.

meanwhile, fuck the Space Nazi for actually being funny for the first time in his life.

“Wow I can’t believe Epstein killed himself before realizing it was all a hoax.”

and fuck the Mad King for making me agree with the Space Nazi.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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