441 Comments
User's avatar
Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

fun true fact: I wrote this entire post without once using the word 'diarrhea,' except the two times it appeared in a quote

Stephen Brady's avatar

Who woulda thunk that reporting and monitoring the spread of infectious diseases would be important... says this old, retired doc who did extra training in Infectious Diseases. Our imbecile presnit avails himself of every doc he can snag by the collar, but puts a lawyer with a worm-eaten brain in charge of the Nation's health... As is so frequently noted here, we are so very fucked.

devourerofpancakes's avatar

I honestly believe that my Republican relatives think working for the government is some form of make work that doesn't actually do anything useful. Are they learning now?

John Schauer's avatar

It's so cute that you think Republicans might actually learn something.

devourerofpancakes's avatar

I know. It's really too much to hope for. They just can't seem to connect any of the dots.

Mike Hammer's avatar

They are too stupid to know how stupid they are.which makes them extremely dangerous.

Stephen Brady's avatar

The Dunning-Kruger people…

Lois Levenstone's avatar

Only if they get sick, otherwise it’s not a problem.

Jeff Schwartz's avatar

I think the entire nation needs an explainer on “Chesterton‘s fence“ because that’s what this administration is all about… They rip out the fence before they understand or find out why it was put up in the first place

Ed's avatar

I never knew about "Chesterton's fence", which puts me in the same camp as the Trump administration!

Purobi Phillips's avatar

Nope. "He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a child. Teach him." That is you. Trumpers are "He who knows not and knows not that he knows not, is a fool. Shun him".

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

AND as the lions are eating their guts, scream WHY over and over.

shee-rah's avatar

And, “Don’t eat me; eat The Democrats!”

DebJS's avatar

Like the House passing a bill making DST permanent. They tried that in 1974 and it was quickly scrapped because schoolchildren going to school in the dark turned out to be a bad thing. D'oh!

Patricia Poohkay's avatar

Time Patty Murray retired? Good lord! With all the crap 💩 that’s going on, she’s worried about DST? How fucking stupid is that?! Bung her out! And I used to think democrats were alright. Nuh! Think time is over for the two party system you guys have. How ‘bout a new one called the Independent Party? Then the really good candidates won’t have to worry about their Democrat “colleagues” kneecapping everything they’re trying to do like what happened with Mamdani. Just a thought - cuz the two parties seem to just feed off each other. 🇨🇦

Theresa Carr's avatar

Seems like that word should be sang to “Oklahoma”!!

HI2thDoc's avatar

In the movie Parenthood starring Steve Martin, his son sang this song:

When you're sliding into first and you feel like something burst, diarrhea, diarrhea

When you're sliding into third and you think you laid a turd, diarrhea, diarrhea

When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, diarrhea, diarrhea

When the kid's mom, played by Mary Steenburgen, asks where he learned that song, he says "at camp," to which Steve Martin quips, well that was money well spent

arne link's avatar

When my little brother was away at camp the kids were apparently asked to write a postcard to their families. My little brother wrote "Fuck you oh penis dick. Love, Karl". I saw the card. The things you learn at camp!

Susanna J. Sturgis's avatar

If you don't remember Allan Sherman's "Hello, Muddah, Hello, Fadduh," do yourself a favor and look it up!

Teri Springer's avatar

A long-time family favorite. I learned it at camp in the mid-1960's.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

I only got to one 'camp' not long after arriving in NY from Scotland. I'd come in first in class so the 'prize' was a week Upstate hosted by the NCCJ. Pete SEEGER was there and lead all the sing-alongs. I participated enthusiastically...these were MY kind of people of all races, shapes and sizes. Unsure if Hello Mudda was on the radio that year but I instantly loved it.

One of the Rezneks's avatar

I ripped it from a CD many years ago, and it is still in my iTunes library. Along with everything by Tom Lehrer. Before he made his works available for free.

Susanna J. Sturgis's avatar

My father was a Tom Lehrer fan and I followed suit. He tried to hide the first album, the one with a cartoon Lehrer playing the piano with the flames of hell around the edges. But my brother and I found it. Dad was somewhat alarmed when I, age about 10, went around singing "Don't solicit for your sister / that's not nice . . ." not yet grasping what it actually meant. Can't recall whether he explained or I figured it out for myself.

Purobi Phillips's avatar

Oh, one of my all time favorites!

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

'Someone' probably told him these were forms of endearment his family would love, lolol. When my German father-in-law came to the US bringing his family, none of them spoke English (including my husband who was just a small boy then). His Dad was very mechanically minded so was suggested to try out at Airplane factories (ending up specializing making engine parts for companies connected to Grumman. The other guys saw him coming from a mile away, so would 'teach' him English words,,,THE worst insults one could give to a black coworker (the n word, 'mf'er', etc.). OOF, Just awful, but as he'd recount this to me downstairs in his basement which he also kept spotlessly clean for his machinery, he'd launch into gales of laughter about his naivete. However, the good guys there caught on, realizing he was a 'furriner', took no offence and corrected him gently. He ended up with some solid friends - stayed there for YEARS and became one of their very best, although still awfully underpaid.

Cheri Collins's avatar

I love this! 😂😂😂

arne link's avatar

The card is a family heirloom. Kid turned out ok, though.

Crystal M's avatar

Hopefully it is in a lovely frame in a prominent place 😆

Gail Cohen's avatar

Rarely do I laugh out loud while reading online but this... this did it!!

Diana Hembree's avatar

Hilarious! I was a camp counselor and I must say I never saw anything like that :). Even kid favorites like '100 bottles of beer on the wall' were quickly outlawed.

Robert Eckert's avatar

Not a boys' camp then? "Do your balls hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow, can you throw them over your shoulder like a Continental soldier, do your balls hang low?"

PTW's avatar

I learned the female version of this same song......"Do your boobs hang low......"

Crystal M's avatar

Arne, that postcard made me literally LOL 😆 😂 🤣 😅 😄

Dave Drell's avatar

Oh Lordy ! That is hilarious, Arne.

Kate's avatar

When you’re sittin’ in your Chevy and your shorts are feelin’ heavy diarrhea, diarrhea

William Burke's avatar

Random data point: My sister went to camp as a young girl and the only bathrooms at the camp were outdoor toilets of some kind. My sister drew a line in the sand on using one of those things, and she “held it” for a full week. A remarkable achievement. Didn’t think it could be done.

HI2thDoc's avatar

Wow. Medical history.

William Burke's avatar

For the record on this important subject, I don’t think she broke any records. Viz:

The Mütter Museum in Philadelphia exhibits a human megacolon that held a record-breaking 40 pounds (18 kilograms) of feces. Belonging to a man known as the "Balloon Man," the 8-foot-long organ is preserved and stuffed with straw. He suffered from a severe case of Hirschsprung's disease.

Dave Drell's avatar

The things you learn at Jeff’s Place!

Diana Hembree's avatar

Wow, poor child! My relatives in Alabama didn't have electricity or running water when I was a child, and when visiting for a few weeks I was afraid to go outside at night to use the latrine (fear of snakes and spiders). So they gave me a chamberpot to use in the house, which I found out later that my parents had used when they were children.

Susan Niemann's avatar

😂😂. Well, great. I’ll be humming this little tune in my head all day! Thanks!

zuzu's avatar

Some people think it's funny, but it's really dark and runny, diarrhea, diarrhea

Some people think it's gross, but it's really good on toast, diarrhea, diarrhea

When you're climbing up a ladder and you start to feel a splatter, diarrhea, diarrhea

I, too, went to camp. But I also rode the bus with much-older kids starting in first grade, so I have many of these.

Rhesus's avatar

When you're sitting in your Chevy and your shorts are feeling heavy....

Credit: My daughter.

Andrea Jennings's avatar

I immediately thought of that catchy number. 🙂

HI2thDoc's avatar

Trumporrhea where the crap comes blasting out your rear

And you get the sweats with your gaseous jets

And the pain feels like it'll last a year

Trumporhhea, we have DOGE and RFK to blame

They cut the CDC and hurt food safety

We hope that they too get to feel the pain

We know we hate this regime

Stupid is their only scheme

And when we say

Go away, motherfuckers, go away

We're only sayin'

We hate your guts, MAGA dumbfucks

OK?!

Maui Wahine's avatar

Nominated for a Grammy!!

HI2thDoc's avatar

If it’s on the stage hopefully a Tony 😂

Jane's avatar

👏👏👏 Exactly!

George in Atlanta's avatar

You were already the master of shitkazoo metaphors, this just allowed you to demonstrate your range.

Weezimp's avatar

I’ve heard the investigation in how this spread referred to as “Waterygate”.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

Wanna bet the fuckwit gets a GOOD case of it, sending him straight to Walter Reed? Oh wait, didn't he just go there - again? Imagine THAT stench. YUK. They'll need to fumigate before the next and real President takes office. Oooh, imagine them ALL getting it? Now THAT would be Karma coming around!

Wendymae's avatar

He doesn't eat any vegetables, so is probably safe from it. Our loss.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

Is that the only vector, though? He's known for TOUCHING things he shouldn't 'just grab 'em by the p*ssy'. For someone CLAIMING to be so fastidious, I'd bet it's all fakery - an outright lie, like everything else about him. He also gets McDonald's hamburgers/fish sandwiches. Who prepared them? I STILL believe Karma will have her say - and way with him.

Wendymae's avatar

I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if he's secretly installed a McD in the basement.

As for the vector, all I've seen is veg.

Corey's avatar

Now that would be a REAL shit show💩

SPW's avatar

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Scott Gilbert's avatar

Well ain't that just the shits!

John Goss's avatar

The gif said it all

Julie's avatar

I prefer Trumparrhea.

Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

today in Shit That Happened While I Was Writing This Shit—

Donny's personal ambulance chaser Todd "Epstein Files? What Epstein Files" Blanche is being chew-toyed in a Senate hearing, but I was too busy writing to have been watching any of it.

Kay-El's avatar

He deserves nothing less except perhaps having his nomination shitcanned

HI2thDoc's avatar

MAGA AGs have the same styles

The worst in our history by miles

You motherfucker Blanche

Must release every tranche

Of trump in the Epstein files

Joanne Rossmassler Fritz's avatar

I’m impressed, Doc! Especially with your use of the word tranche, which started out as a French word for slice, and has come to mean portion or division of a larger whole in English.

HI2thDoc's avatar

Well, besides tranche I could only think of branch or ranch to rhyme with his name

DuduLovesBubu's avatar

Supposedly the New York State Bar Association are recommending Blanche not be confirmed rattling off crimes of moral turpitude. Then why the fuck can't they file complaints with their very own Overseer of the Bar and get his fucking license yanked.

Robert Eckert's avatar

The NY Bar is already considering complaints against Blanche, including the recent referral by the judge in the Trump vs. Trump pseudocase.

DeBurgh's avatar

Blanche is such a good fit for this outfit that he will probably be confirmed. "Crooked lawyer confirmed as Attorney General". Also, we must remember that every GOP member of the Senate works for the Trump Family now. Even Cornyn and Cassidy, who Trump stabbed in the back, will vote for Blanche. Only because they want the chance to grovel for vig scraps from the Trump boys. There is no honor among the sell outs. Just cowardly obedience to the giant orange parasite living in our White House.

DeBurgh's avatar

The Press would go wild if any member of the Senate, Dem or GOP, told the truth.

Denise Donaldson's avatar

I don't see that. Rather, I think the truth would be buried. No truth teller in T 2.0 has gotten any traction thus far.

rlritt's avatar

And 90% of all TV news outlets are owned by oligharchs. They have all been bought in order bullshit the American voters.

Wendy The Druid 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🌈's avatar

I mean, damn jeff, you got out before I did.

I am focusuing in Orange Shitler and his constant hammering of Iran (like Donny has probably hammered a few red light district ladies in his time), and his refusal to accept that he is a total dumbass.

Then I posted a live video in the digest of Live Pandas. I case you dont wanna read the fucking news (my gift to our readers).

I promise our digest today will give some hope.

Take a day, Uncle Jeff. Seriously.

arne link's avatar

Pandas are great but I use Puffins to self-soothe. They are utterly adorable. You would never believe that they can fly but they can. Maybe that's a lesson for all of us, that we can do the apparently impossible.

Jane S.'s avatar

In honor of your uplifting comment, I'm going to wear my puffin pin today, to remind myself that Trump can pretend that Ossof and Warnock were not legitimately elected but that isn't the deciding factor. Other criteria must be met and I'm sure he'll be at least somewhat distracted by his appeal of the fraud on the court decision coming out of Florida yesterday.

Wendy The Druid 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🌈's avatar

Oh, arne, I promise to find a good puffin live stream for tomorrow's "Watch this instead". will that work?

Honestly, I have to ask, does me doing that in the dailies help?

George in Atlanta's avatar

Absolutely it does, Wendy. You don't think it's accidental that the world's #1 growth industry is TicTocs of cute tiny kittens doing their things, do you?

Puffins rock.

shee-rah's avatar

According to Donny it’s Tic Tac.

arne link's avatar

Of course it helps. We desperately need to see something other than the shit show that is currently our government.

Chris Hierholzer's avatar

I find watching my pet dung beetle pushing his soccer ball around. It calms....

AuntTeeFa's avatar

It’s true that he can’t handle being the losing loser that he is in any situation especially this one. But I’ve come to surmise though that the premise behind the Iran incursion is purely financial.

As easily manipulated as he is, it was probably pretty easy to convince him to deplete the armory and line his pockets at the same time. Eisenhower saw this fucker coming.

Somewhere in this evil timeline lurks Erik Prince the vile mercenary who is also all wrapped up in the Epstein files

Denise Donaldson's avatar

Makes perfect sense. After all, that's what Dubya's Iraq war was about. That, and daddy issues.

Lisa Bieber's avatar

What Aunt Tee says

DebJS's avatar

Like it's been said many times, those markets aren't going to manipulate themselves.

arne link's avatar

God bless you if you want to watch that shit show.

arne link's avatar

My tenuous mental health is too fragile to risk watching. I will also skip Temu Hitler's speech on Thursday for the same reason.

Cheri Collins's avatar

Yes. Autopsy videos on YouTube are far more interesting and soothing.

Abby From Maine's avatar

Exactly Arne! I think I'll wait for Jeff to address the important points (if any.)

rlritt's avatar

I dont want to watch either. Will it be live? Because he may come off as a senile old coot, unless they give him a jumbo shot of Ritalin to keep awake and on task.

The Devil Kitty's avatar

Same, but I shall be watching Youtubes about ancient Roman disasters.

Eva's avatar
Jul 15Edited

Same. Instead I’m streaming Bold and the Beautiful episodes from 1987. 😆

Joyce's avatar

I finally realized, after viewing Blanche for about 5 seconds during his "testimony" (*current slang for "lying his fucking face off"), what he reminds me of: one of those creepy-ass wooden ventriloquist dummies. Look at how his jaw moves (mute your TV first).

Wendy The Druid 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🌈's avatar

Here you go jeff, Day late, dollar short or something.

Donald Fuckwazzle woke up Monday and decided the Strait of Hormuz needed a tollbooth. So we are at twenty percent. on a fifth of the world's oil, Because a dumbass cannot look at a body of water without seeing a parking lot he could be skimming.

Our Gulf allies called. said they'd rather invest "billions and billions of dollars" instead — a number with all the specificity of a toddler describing infinity.

Fuck this shit Jeff, I am just fucking tired.

Today is an ideation day for me, I just need to find a bridge.

https://thistleandmoss.com/p/what-survives-the-morning-manbaby-orange-shitler-s-war-on-iran-rages

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

I don't even read any Iran news pertaining to Trump anymore. He has a new policy every three minutes. It's just not worth the time to read what he extruded five minutes ago.

Clint Opine's avatar

Here's the difference: A toll would generate revenue that in some capacity or other would have to be accounted for. "Billions and billions invested," means money slid quietly straight into Donny's pocket.

rlritt's avatar

He cant do that because international law governing free access to waterways. Iran couldnt do it either. That's why Trump dropped the idea of charging a toll

"The Strait is classified as a strait used for international navigation. Under the framework of the UN Convention on the Law of the Sea (UNCLOS) and customary international law, foreign vessels—both civilian and military—possess a right of unimpeded "transit passage".

AuntTeeFa's avatar

My motto, let somebody else watch it for us. Spare yourself, Jeff.

George in Atlanta's avatar

I go for Cliff Notes. I let the rancid bits be filtered out by trusted commentators.

Lynn Van Haren's avatar

The spineless Republicans will vote YES anyway & confirm him

DebJS's avatar

Fetterman: Yea

Maui Wahine's avatar

If he’s confirmed I hope he will end up where Nixon’s AG Mitchell ended up….in jail.

I have pictures's avatar

Since it was reported that lame duck 🦆 Cornyn is on the fence I wrote him and will call urging him to vote no. Hope his loyalty to Trump has waned.

Any GOP who votes no is one extra but if Fetterman votes yes or any other, then Todd gets in and more mayhem.

Hope the various justices who have to deal with all these frivolous suits are buckling up.

Neal Stiffelman's avatar

Have yet to see a single major news organization call for prez fatfuck to leave office as he’s a fecking rapist. Nor one to call for Brainworms to leave office because, well, too many reasons, far too many. Nor that blockhead to be booted outta the Pentagon because, oh, I dunno, war crimes and racist/misogynist as fucking fuck, nor RealWorld jerk to be booted out because he is worse than worthless, nor that Viceroy of Venezuela to be impeached because he’s a total shitbag whose destruction of USAID has doomed hundreds of thousands already and also killed one of the greatest sources of soft power, and on and on and on. Why? I don’t get it. I just do not get it. I do not get it and I never will.

CA Productions/Carol Ann's avatar

America's media has lost it's balls and Americans, most of them are too lazy to get out in the street by the millions to demand Trump must go.....we are sitting targets.

Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Hundreds of thousands took to the streets to protest for civil rights and against the Vietnam War. They were beaten and some assassinated by local police but it was the Kent State Massacre in 1970, students on campus gunned down by Ohio National Guardsmen, that made state violence against citizens hard to normalize. Today, it's just another Tuesday.

CA Productions/Carol Ann's avatar

I remember so vividly.....back then we didn't fuck around. Today's apathy is America is apalling. I guess they think Democracy is some kind of magic act that will return when these thugs are gone....the problem is they aren't going. If Trump were to drop dead tonight there are more of him in line.

Janet Ridgley's avatar

Yes the Ohio National Guard was called out by the Ohio Governor at that time and the National guard shot and killed 4 Kent State Students! We are seeing government killing citizens in the USA for no good reason given as yet!

Beware our government can kill you for any Reason or give you terrible debilitating case of diarrhea, because they just can!

Jane's avatar

Or shitting targets now

Tess's avatar

100% in agreement Neal!!

Cheri Collins's avatar

Neither will I, Neil. Except, as I have always said, follow the money. Their greed has overridden and canceled any decency and respect for others and society.

SethTriggs's avatar

It's because Murc's Law is Cruise Control for Cool (and Clicks!)

Neal Stiffelman's avatar

I think it’s just a general passivity among a trained populace. But it’s close to right.

Denise Donaldson's avatar

News organizations now must be profit centers. Therefore, goose/golden egg principle.

Neal Stiffelman's avatar

Sadly, this is stone cold true.

Denise Donaldson's avatar

I know from experience. I worked for a local business journal that started writing puff pieces as a way to pull in advertisers.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

I get it. They are monsters and 'somehow' certain media seem to be afraid of them and the thugs they believe he'll turn loose against them. First, ABC PAYS him $16Million - then imagines they're free and clear? NO! It was a downpayment. Once one gives in, they're sunk. How have they not recognized this? I DO give kudos to Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan for their new book - basically telling him to go fuck himself despite the insults and threats. Also it's up to US to kick them the fuck out.

Peter's avatar

Changing the clocks is a stupid, outdated notion based on the myth that the country is still mostly rural, mostly populated by dirt farmers working the fields behind mule drawn plows. The right answer is permanent standard time allowing our circadian rhythms to attune themselves to the sun/moon cycle. But that's too much science for the brainless morons that populate Congress.

Mike Phelan's avatar

100%…make standard time the permanent time.

DonP's avatar

What makes that myth even more egregious, is that farmers have ALWAYS worked according to the natural cycle of the sun. Sun's up, so is the farmer. Sun's down, time to come in from the fields. No longer though. Modern tractors and harvesters have GPS, AND lights so that the farmer can continue to either plow/sow, or reap/harvest well after dark, or before the sun does come up.

Peter's avatar

And more than a few now have drone capability and run without human intervention.

George in Atlanta's avatar

So where DID it all come from, then? I always heard it was farmers. Same thing with the school year, why do kids go back just when the fall harvests would hit?

DonP's avatar

That's exactly where the "myth" came from. Farmers needed the "extra daylight". If I remember rightly, the primary reason behind the change was to help synch clocks up to the natural changing of the amount of daylight in winter and summer. As for the school year, can't really speak to that. After all, they're still in school during planting season as well.

George in Atlanta's avatar

Pretty much everything I learned in grade school was bullshit. I'm going to have to start over.

Susie in OH's avatar

Actually, DST lobbyists for the outdoor grilling and golf industries and others lobbied hard for DST in 1986. The grilling industry found they could add $100 to $200 million in profits in just one month due to DST. All these other excuses are BS. Follow the money.

Cheri Collins's avatar

Shitgoddamn. Yep, follow the money once again. 🤦🏻

Thomas E Brown's avatar

What’s weird about this idea is that I’ve grilled out in the dark hundreds of times. There are these nice things available called electric lights that make it possible and enjoyable. Magical!

Leigh Hamilton's avatar

But another change would take another act of Congress. See the problem? Yes, permanent standard time is the answer, but why should they get it right when getting it wrong keeps them in office?

CA Productions/Carol Ann's avatar

I live in hot as hell Florida and look forward to the fall so there is less sun.

Cheri Collins's avatar

Yes! For some reason, probably brain numbness at this point, the DST choice and lack of epidemiological support and tracking of national disease trends has upset me more than the political developments of the day.

Sharon Hudnall's avatar

It's the shitcanning of science that will set the U.S. back forever. Today it's cyclosporiasis, which to date has caused no deaths. Tomorrow will be it cholera or typhus or a new lethal and untreatable germ like Covid? On another note, McConnell had polio as a kid but said zero against Brainworm's wrecking of childhood vaccination mandates. So enjoy your "watery, explosive diarrhea", America. Thoughts and prayers.

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

I LOVE DST. I live for it. Those long summer evenings are heaven to me.

Peter's avatar

Long dark mornings all winter long in the Northeast do not make up for the extra "sunshine" in the summer.

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

I wouldn't know. I'm not up in the morning.

Cheri Collins's avatar

New England here - agreed!

Steve in SoCal's avatar

Agree. And to the "kids going to school in the dark" whiners, have school start an hour later in the winter.

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

School should start later anyway. They've already found that early starting hours are really bad, especially for teens' alertness and ability to learn. We always started at 9, except for my amazing senior year in high school when I rigged my schedule to start at 11:17!!!!

Denise Donaldson's avatar

Could not agree more, Peter. Dark mornings disrupt humans' natural rhythm. But, I mean, "science," as you said, so....

I left word with my POS MAGA senators to vote "no" on permanent DST, for all the good it will do.

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

Standard time disrupts my rhythms. You know what's more disruptive? Trump in the White House needing to be reined in.

Bonnie Council's avatar

Thank you! Just posted the same thing - before I read yours. My bad. But great idea.

MK's avatar

Hey Jeff, I saw it called Trumporreah. Aparently he hates that word. We all know what to do now.

Karen S's avatar

Isn't it a chronic condition for him? He's the parasite infecting the nation.

Jayme Wolworth's avatar

#ExplosiveTrumporreah LOL

Frosty McGillicuddy's avatar

With apologies to whoever wrote the theme to GILLIGAN'S ISLAND

Just sit right back and you’ll hear the tale

The tale of a fucking twit

Who thinks that he’s the mighty king

But really he’s a dick.

His wife was a botoxed frozen face

A gold digger for sure

She sounds like Borat, but stupider

“Won’t you pleeze gimme more! Won’t you pleeze gimme more!”

His sons — entitled wannabes —

Brain dead that’s for sure

One’s a coke fiend, the other is

A dummy and a boor, a dummy and a boor!

A worst group of dopes you’ll never see

Liars thieves and crooks

With Donny Drumpf

Melanoma

Coke Fiend Boy

Crazy Kash

Supreme Court, too

Dumb Eric

and ‘Vanka too

Here on Drumpfigan’s Island!

The original... for those of you who don't know the song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfSLuEj99d0

Feel free to subscribe to my Substack. You'll have fun during this beyond dreary time in our country's history....

Leigh Hamilton's avatar

Great. Another ear worm ALL DAY. I could retaliate with The Brady Bunch and The Beverly Hillbillies.

George in Atlanta's avatar

Noooo, not that! A Rap Battle Royale of our resident poets! I want tickets.

Frosty McGillicuddy's avatar

I actually thought about doing a Brady Bunch one today!

Leigh Hamilton's avatar

It's always nice to leave something for another day.

HI2thDoc's avatar

I'm sure Sherwood Schwartz would not disagree!

AuntTeeFa's avatar

👏😆 Borat only stupider🤣

SeekingReason's avatar

I would think that allowing the U.S. population to get sick over preventable and spreadable illnesses would matter. But not with Fascist criminals in the WH. Could this be spread to the administration? (Not that I’m suggesting anything!) 😁

Jeff, I like the everyday photos of Claudia, they don’t seem mundane. They are a snapshot of real life. What a great way to share a story about Claudia. 🩷

Bonnie Council's avatar

I agree! Nothing mundane about The Daily Claudia at all. ❤️

Robert Eckert's avatar

The day I got out of the hospital and could be driven home was magical. I understand Jeff's choice of that picture perfectly.

Jayme Wolworth's avatar

If there were a way to make money from it they would be all over it.

Ann Anderson's avatar

One of your best headlines, Jeff. I snorted my coffee.

Call me old-fashioned, but I like it when the sun is directly overhead at 12 noon. Let's make standard time permanent. The uncontrollable pooping parasite is linked to bagged salad. Don't believe the triple-washed and ready-to-eat labeling. Buy unbagged lettuce and wash it yourself. Or, forgo lettuce until the problem subsides because the contamination is probably in the water used to grow the product. (Disclaimer: My opinion here. I'm not a scientist, I just read a lot. Make of it what you will.)

Bonnie Council's avatar

Thank you - saw that on TV news last night, throwing away the bagged lettuce I just bought yesterday. Though I'd rather make a nice salad with it and send it to RFK, Jr.

Cheri Collins's avatar

Bastard’s probably immune from hyperexposure and swallowing sewage water.

Ann Anderson's avatar

Bon appetit, Bobby!

rlritt's avatar

I buy bagged lettuce at Trader Joe's, but I always wash it in vinegar water 3 times. I trust that they wash. Especially when romaine is still attached to the stalk.

HI2thDoc's avatar

The problem is that cyclospora is a protozoan parasite, a single celled animal, if you will, not a virus. These parasites produce spores called oocysts, which resist washing and even bleach. Viruses are much easier to inactivate than the oocysts.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

Appreciate the learned, medical information, doc!

Ann Anderson's avatar

I clicked the like but definitely - don't like. I hope you feel okay now.

CA Productions/Carol Ann's avatar

Thanks Ann four 5 days later still not 100 percent. My friend suggested we order lunch from a "healthy restaurant" .

Cheri Collins's avatar

I think I did, too, last year, though I’m not 100% certain. I wound up in the ER.

Ann Anderson's avatar

Sorry to hear that. were they able to do anything for you?

Cheri Collins's avatar

Thank you, Ann! I went to the ER knowing I needed IV fluids because I was dangerously dehydrated after more than a week of being unable to keep anything in. They let us languish for hours, as you do in the ER these days. The doctor finally came in and told me I couldn’t possibly be dehydrated because my potassium levels were fine; treated me like a Gomer! Finally, she looked at the labs again, and my levels were dangerously tanked. I got the IV, and some *delicious* (sarcasma font) oral potassium. I am a tough old bird, and survived, but it was an ordeal. Nobody tried to diagnose what had caused my illness. It seems to match cyclo most closely.

Ann Anderson's avatar

I figured fluids. Isn't a trip to an ER a delight? So glad you're doing better.

CA Productions/Carol Ann's avatar

Sorry. I wasn’t that bad I had hydration packets I got at Aldi and drank that for two days…….Healthcare in this country is hit or miss. Feel better!

Cheri Collins's avatar

Unfortunately, cyclospora can’t be washed off because they form a biofilm on leaf surfaces. Remove the outer 3 layers of leaves, discard, and then wash the inner ones.

Noel's avatar

It's kale from the farmers market for me. Homemade kale chips should be safe. And eff yeah to permanent standard time.

Ann Anderson's avatar

Best way to eat kale.

Punkette's avatar

Or better yet … spend a little more and buy a certified organic head of lettuce.

Ann Anderson's avatar

Organic means no pesticides. Not related to irrigation. Organic products can be contaminated at any stage of production, just like anything else.

Punkette's avatar

I beg to differ. Certified organic irrigation rules prohibit the use of synthetic chemicals and require that water sources be maintained to prevent contamination. Additionally, organic farmers must follow specific guidelines to ensure that the water used in irrigation is safe and compliant with organic standards. For example, the use of sewage sludge in crop irrigation is not permitted.

Ann Anderson's avatar

Well, that's good to know and I stand corrected on that point, but like I said, contamination happens. I've not seen any evidence that buying organic is protection from the kind of outbreak that's occurring now.

HI2thDoc's avatar

Earlier cyclosporiasis outbreaks were suspected to be from raspberries, cilantro, and basil, probably from contaminated irrigation water. Wikipedia says several outbreaks were from Mexico and Central America, where water quality is not as stringent.

arne link's avatar

Well, that's reassuring.

Cheri Collins's avatar

Organic just means pesticides certified as “organically manufactured”. They use pesticides, and they are not completely safe.

Joyce's avatar

Or, better yet: walk outside to my raised planter and cut off enough leaves for my meal.....Yes--I'm gloating in a particularly obnoxious way. :P

~I still wash the lettuce and...I share with my neighbors.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

I used to grow SO much good stuff, then we added on a second garage just for hubby's precious 1969 RoadRunner. It took over THE best sunny spot where I'd grown cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce and a raised bed for herbs...and just a little distance away, my own bed of gorgeous dinner-sized peonies I'd nurtured along for 20 years. When they threw debris from the construction down onto what they assumed was an 'empty space' I ran outside to tell them that was where my precious flowers were and NOT to use it as a dump. They agreed. Couple of hours later after I'd finished some chores, came back out to see a HUGE pile of bits of 2x4's, old roof shingles ALL exactly where I'd asked them not to be. They were much too heavy for ME to move and hubby shrugged it off as 'too late' to do anything about. Lost all of my peonies that year - so when I dug for them the next they'd somehow disappeared. Broke my heart so I never planted again. I've been getting a hankering for movable raised beds now...just maybe I'll grow MY own stuff on my sunny patios, like you - next Spring. They'd have to be high enough so the dog can't steal everything. :) The good thing is anyone with even the tiniest outside balcony can have a movable raised bed 'garden' IF they get sufficient Sun.

Joyce's avatar

That construction crew would've been, perhaps, somewhat taken aback by my extensive vocabulary of obscenities. Especially for their destroying peonies.

I transformed my front yard into a riotous cottage garden--I've no use, not being either a horse or a goat, in having a huge expanse of lawn: why would I waste my time tending to useless grass? Instead--an array of flowers, plus tomatoes, zucchini, garlic, beans, raspberries, rhubarb--and salad in one raised planter and watermelons in the other (a slight chance the bunnies won't get them up there). So my yard is the one with all the bees, butterflies, rabbits--even a red fox!

Favorite moment from this spring: chatting with a neighbor who was debating a run to the store--she'd realized that there was no lettuce in the fridge for taco night; however, the baby was still napping and would want a snack when he finally woke up, and then she'd have to load him into the car and go through the whole process of shopping with him, and all just for lettuce for taco night. So, I told her to wait, went to the raised bed, and filled a bag with assorted leafy greens (organic, to boot!) and handed it to her. Problem solved; taco night saved. LOL!!

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

UNfortunately, I was alone at home ON disability after more issues with my lower back disks - while hubby was still working and the guy 'in charge' was a friend and neighbour whose wife was a close friend. HE'd hired the sub-contractors but wasn't there that day, usually pretended to pay attention to my needs but I knew he fobbed me off most often. Former cop, thought he had all the answers and women were mostly to be seen and not heard from. I usually stayed on good terms with the actual workers since HE didn't treat them very well, nor did their 'middle-manager' boss. Back then I never used bad language either and usually provided water, made coffee, bought lunches and baked goods. I LIKED the actual workers - it was their 'bosses' who fucked up and didn't give a crap about my plants - told them where to throw the debris. I've always wanted an English cottage garden but - hubby loves his green lawn (at least in the front of the house). I do get my plants in my spots where I can. Yours sounds amazing!

Joyce's avatar

This is like the illustrative reason I utterly loathe dealing with contractors. At some point, maybe I'll encounter the unicorn male contractor who has even a fragment of a thought of the idea of maybe offering a crumb of respect to a woman who hires him.

Mary Lou Williams's avatar

No guarantee that label is authenticated organic. Washing all produce with baking soda and water appears to be recommended.

rlritt's avatar

How is unbanned any different?

Ann Anderson's avatar

Good question. All I know is that the bagged stuff (you meant bagged?) is tied to these outbreaks more often than not.

Kay-El's avatar

Bobby Brainworm shitcans the CDC and now people are literally shitting themselves. Remove that fucker before we all start wielding chainsaws.🙄

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

It depresses me that a lovely friend of mine — the one who came and picked me up and drove me to the emergency room when I broke my ankle and sat with me there for 4 hours while we watched a congressional hearing on fracking on C-Span — now works for RFK jr. WHY?

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

She/he's planning to make him a special cup of 'tea'? ;)

Stuart's avatar

Maybe Trump will have to postpone his big speech because he is suffering from cyclosporiasis. It would serve him right.

Bonnie Council's avatar

It'll never happen - he doesn't eat anything that's green or fresh.

Gayna's avatar

Or a cardiac infarction. I’m still hoping for a trifecta

Leigh Hamilton's avatar

I'd settle for a massive stroke. Just boom, down he goes.

AuntTeeFa's avatar

The only produce he eats is what they slip on his big Mac

JoJoRa's avatar

It wouldn't stop him from grandstanding. His handlers would just have to change his diaper more often!

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

yeah - now it'd have to be 'Mr. AND Mrs. wetwipes'.

Lynn Van Haren's avatar

His mouth already has it

Leigh Hamilton's avatar

Nah. He's already wearing a diaper, possibly two or three, so he won't cancel.

George A. Polisner's avatar

Thank you Jeff,

Grateful as always for the explosive report about the Secretary of "Health & Human Services." Watch for him to hold a press conference saying it's all part of the new strategy to make meat and potatoes the cornerstone of the American diet. No more parasite-loaded hamster food causing sprints to the nearest ... oh god -I'm not going in there, did you hear those sounds?

Aside from the brainworm doing everything possible to ruin the name "Kennedy" faster than you can say "Senator from Louisiana" ... I'm still fuming about Marco "The Shoes" Rubio wanting to dismantle the ICC.

I provided the following guidance for him, but have not received a thank you as of yet.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jul/13/marco-rubio-dismantle-international-criminal-court

Dear Marco,

There is a much easier way to avoid an indictment by the International Criminal Court.

Don’t violate international law.

Also, GFY.

Thank you for coming to my “TED Talk.”

Robert Eckert's avatar

Much as Kegbreath changed his title to "Secretary of War" RFKJr. should change his to "Secretary of Pestilence"

George A. Polisner's avatar

He might be waiting for Kegsbreath to correctly add Crimes to the end of his title.

Mary Lou Williams's avatar

Canada supplies a lot of our potatoes so with their newly found backbone and realization that there are many other countries accepting their products "meat and potatoes" may just be high priced meat.

George A. Polisner's avatar

Yes, and thankfully Argentina’s Javier Milei who is Musk’s chainsaw buddy, a friend of Scott Bessent, and the recipient of $20 billion of U.S. taxpayer funds is ready to fill the new demand (And as a near-vegan, I’m commenting about beef. See what this administration does to people?)

https://www.ncba.org/news-media/news/details/44430/argentinian-beef-import-plan-harms-us-cattle-producers

Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Failure to scientifically monitor the screwworm has compromised American beef producers as well. Funny how damage to the U.S. economy always benefits some foreign dictator.

George A. Polisner's avatar

I’m old enough to remember when we used to do science.

I wonder when the socialism hating cattle ranchers ask for a bailout similar to the billions of taxpayer dollars given to the socialism hating farmers because of the pedo criminal elect’s failed tariff economic policy.

Tick tock.

PineTreeState's avatar

Just brilliant, all of it!

Richard Von Busack's avatar

When you’re feeling low or sad, just remember this phrase: “PAY UP PORKY OINK OINK OINK!”🐷

Joe Witkowski's avatar

178-year old Methuselah (Chuck) Grassley begins the confirmation hearing of the most corrupt attorney general (even after John Mitchell who went to prison) by asking questions about agriculture & abortion pills. That tells you where this 2-day MAGA shit show is headed. This country is doomed.

Mary Lou Williams's avatar

Let's see who votes for this guy. I guess he can still lead the country as AG even though he hopefully will be disbarred. The Republicans keep digging that hole don't they?

Joe Witkowski's avatar

At least disbarment will be an on-the-record reality of how low this MAGA Republican criminal syndicate will go 🤯

Sher''s avatar

That gif is hilarious!!! 😆😅🤣

Stuart's avatar

When I was in the Army, 50 years ago, I met some Australian guys at a joint-forces exercise. They had what they called the "Dance of the Flaming Assholes" where they'd get naked and shove a rolled-up piece of paper up their asses. Then somebody would light the paper on fire while the performer farted. It looked quite a lot like the guy in Jeff's gif.

arne link's avatar

Golly, who knew that Australians were so creative. Was alchohol involved?

Stuart's avatar

of course. They were Australians.

arne link's avatar

Figured. Why ask?

Chris Duncan's avatar

Sounds like a perfect party game for a reScumlican Congressional barbecue!

Sharon Hudnall's avatar

I can see Hegseth doing this. Now I can't unsee it.

HI2thDoc's avatar

Hey, they were smart enough to use a paper tube. That reduced the chances of a singed asshole

HI2thDoc's avatar

I just realized Singed Asshole is a good alias for Bobby Brainworm

Joyce's avatar

Or a band of devoted MAGAs

Sher''s avatar

That's true…but it still made me flinch and clench when I read it! 😁

Sher''s avatar

😳🤪😙😝😁😆

Tess's avatar

‘Loyalty over expertise”….yup….dumbest thing ever…yet not surprising with this demented old fool who only cares about himself!

Claudia looks great-and you have a nice Wednesday also!!

Ellen McKenzie's avatar

Jeff, you are hysterically funny!!! Thank you! ❤️