good news, citizen! your explosive ass mayhem will only last through August

Bobby Brainworms fucks up again

it’s looking more and more like it may have been a mistake to put our nation’s healthcare in the hands of Mister Excuse Me While I Snort This Heroin Off This Toilet Seat And Oh By The Way, I Have No Idea How Germs Work — because one minute, everyone’s asses are working perfectly normally, and the next, it’s oh dear lord, holy fuck.

A parasitic infection that causes miserable bouts of watery, “explosive” diarrhea is surging across the United States. Several states are seeing cyclosporiasis rates that are unusually high for this time of year. Meanwhile, health authorities are scrambling to identify the source driving the outbreaks.

As of July 14, nearly 7,000 cases of cyclosporiasis have been reported by at least 34 states, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

excuse me, cyclospora is the what what parasite? I’m sorry, but those are two words you never want to see next to each other in a headline.

but not to worry, right? I’m sure the Centers for Disease Control are all over this shit, tracking the fuck out of it and making sure it doesn’t spread, right?

wrong.

the CDC used to track cyclospora rigorously, so that in case of any ass-spraying mayhem, they could pinpoint the source and deal with it pronto. but then Bobby Brainworms was all ‘nuh-uh, that’s stupid,’ and shitcanned the program.

Last year, however, the program was significantly cut back as part of Secretary Robert F. Kennedy’s changes to the agency. Required monitoring was cut down from eight pathogens to just two, and the other six pathogens were made optional, including cyclospora.

awesome. Bobby Brainworms made an uninformed ad hoc decision based on zero data — because that’s how crackpots roll.

that’s the ethos of Donny’s entire administration: ‘I don’t have the intellectual capacity to understand why this is important, so let’s get rid of it.’

what could possibly go wrong, am I right?

this is the same mindset that led the Space Nazi’s merry band of pimply DOGE incels to run wild, gutting federal agency after agency.

‘we don’t know what the fuck this is, so get rid of it.’

and so now, a year later, we’re dealing the fallout. around the world, children of dying of malnutrition due to cuts to USAID — all because DOGE couldn’t be bothered to care.

and here in the good old US of A, people are turning into human shit-geysers because some whale-head-chainsawing dumbfuck couldn’t be bothered to spend five minutes learning why tracking cyclospora might come in handy someday.

so, can we expect Brainworms to learn from his mistake, and maybe reinstate cyclospora tracking?

fuck no. the condition of your ass, and what comes rocketing out of it, is not his problem.

dude literally swims in raw sewage.

and he honestly believes that because nothing bad happened to him, what’s the big deal?

Bobby Brainworms thinks that if you get sick, it’s your own fault — probably for not doing enough shitty pull-ups or something.

in no sane world would this lunatic ever be in charge of anyone’s health and well-being. but welcome to the Donnyverse, where a reality-show wash-out is in charge of making sure planes don’t fall out of the sky, and a woman who organized fake wrestling matches now sets the nation’s education agenda.

we’re being ruled over by clownishly incompetent morons who were chosen because Dear Leader saw them flattering him on Fox News. loyalty over expertise — it’s why tinpot fascist authoritarian regimes ultimately fail, because they can’t govern their way out of a paper bag.

oh, and speaking of Preznit Fuckwit, don’t expect him to offer any help with anything going on in the general vicinity of your butt. like Bobby Brainworms, he too believes that if you get sick and die, it’s your own fault — for having bad genes.

Trump on Lindsey Graham: “His father died just about at the same age. I’m a believer in the race horse theory. If you have problems, you have problems. And he had some problems.”

yeah, if Lindsey Graham didn’t want to keel over at age 71, maybe he should have stopped being a fucking idiot and picked a better father.

let me just point out that Donny’s own father died of Alzheimer’s, so put that in your race horse pipe and smoke it.

Donny’s also too busy trying to prove that the 2020 election was RIGGED AND STOLLEN™.

oh joy. this Thursday speech of Donny’s is supposedly going to be one in which he will offer up whatever cockamamie ‘proof’ that he and his flunkies have ginned up about how Donny actually won the 2020 election.

The speech, in part, will highlight claims that China accessed U.S. voter data, said the people, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss a plan that has not been made public. Trump is also expected to discuss findings related to Venezuela, they said.

never mind that this is all a fever-swamp hallucination of Donny’s with no basis in reality. there was no foreign interference in 2020 election. there was no fuckery of any kind in 2020. remember, Donny lost all the sixty-plus lawsuits he brought following that election — but Donny doesn’t give a crap about any of that. he’s going to present his ‘new’ bogus proof, and he’s going to use it as a pretense to fuck with the upcoming midterm elections. it’s going to be a shit-show.

lucky us.

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don’t expect Congress to deal with your explosive ass mayhem, either. they’re too busy being laser-focused on stupid bullshit. look at what they’re congratulating themselves for: the House passing a bill making Daylight Savings Time permanent.

BREAKING: the House just passed my bill to make Daylight Saving Time permanent! Leader Thune should bring this bill to a vote in the Senate so we can finally get this done. More sunshine. Less depression. Let's finally lock the clock!

counterpoint: how about we don’t do this?

this is another one of those notions that sounds super fucking awesome on paper, until you spend five minutes critically thinking about it.

fun true fact: we tried making Daylight Savings Time permanent in the 1970s. the experiment was a miserable failure.

Google’s janky six-fingered plagiarism robot, could you please explain to the nice people exactly how that shit went down?

Permanent Daylight Saving Time (DST) was implemented on January 6, 1974, under the Emergency Daylight Saving Time Energy Conservation Act signed by President Richard Nixon. Originally planned as a two-year trial to conserve energy during the 1973 oil crisis, it proved highly unpopular due to dark, hazardous morning commutes for schoolchildren. It was repealed in late 1974. [1, 2, 3, 4]

Read more about this historical experiment in the Smithsonian Magazine or explore a detailed timeline of events on Wikipedia.

spoiler alert: it turned out that no one liked having the sun rise at 9:00 in the morning in December, and the law was repealed before it was even a year old.

but because we live in the shittiest timeline imaginable, where history is doomed to repeat itself endlessly in the dumbfuckiest way possible, we’re going to make this easily avoidable mistake all over again.

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meanwhile, Bobby Brainworms’ Splendid Fountain of Shit is expected to continue at least through August.

Federal health officials have said they expect the outbreaks of cyclospora – a parasite that causes watery, explosive diarrhea – across the US to continue through August as they scour the food supply chain for the culprit.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has identified 1,645 lab-confirmed cases of the parasite; reported that 145 people have been hospitalized; and reported that they have a backlog of 5,100 cases that require more analysis, including interviews.

awesome. cases are piling up faster than the CDC can deal with them, because not only did Whalehead McChainsaw gut the tracking program, he also fired staffers and cut the CDC’s budget.

now if you’ll excuse Bobby, he’s too busy to deal with any of this. that raw sewage isn’t going to swim around by itself.

welcome once again to life in the shittiest timeline — in this instance, literally.

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here’s your Hero of the Day: E. Jean Carroll, who is 5.6 million dollars richer than she was two days ago.

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let’s have some Daily Claudia.

here’s Ms. Spouse, at home on her 66th birthday, on February 7, 2016.

and here she is in our car, on November 21, 2024. I know this is a mundane photo, but it holds special meaning for me.

seven weeks prior to this photo, Ms Spouse fell in our house and broke her hip, requiring her to spend three weeks mending in the hospital and four weeks regaining her strength and mobility in a physical rehab residence. her final exam before being deemed ready to be released and come home was to successfully climb by herself into our car.

spoiler alert: she passed the test with flying colors.

have a great Wednesday, everyone.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.