good fucking riddance to Kevin Fucking McCarthy

buh-bye, dipshit

Kevin McCarthy has a crystal clear message, and he wants you to understand it in no uncertain terms:

“I never quit.”

oh wait. that was yesterday’s message. it’s been replaced with a new message:

“fuck you, I quit.”

yup, Feckless Kevin, the guy who wanted so much to be Speaker of the House that he allowed himself to be publicly humiliated on live television in a fifteen-ballot three-ring circus, has finally had enough, and is never-quitting it back to his home town of Bakersfield.

bye fucking bye, Kevin.

good riddance.

Kevin McCarthy was a man of zero principles, eternally willing to wedge himself in front of the nearest camera and lie his fucking face off.

Rep. Ken Buck (R-Colo.) accused former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) of consistently lying in comments Tuesday.

“Kevin McCarthy and lying are like peanut butter and jelly,” Buck said in a CNN interview.

nobody could trust Kev to keep his word. nobody — not Republicans and certainly not Democrats.

“I think he’s likely the most unprincipled person to ever be Speaker of the House,” Rep. Abigail Spanberger, a Virginia Democrat, told reporters ahead of the vote. “He’s disdainful, he lies about us, he lies about the process of governance. It’s not even a question of whether or not we should take any particular action.”

there was no bottom to Kevin’s public toadying barrel, at one point even agreeing to crawl on his hands and knees to Mar-a-Lago to play nursemaid to a diaper-filling loser-baby.

he was a petty dick who thought it was totally cool to walk up and shove people from behind.

Tennessee Rep. Tim Burchett, one of the eight Republicans who voted to oust Kevin McCarthy from the speakership last month, claimed to ABC News that McCarthy elbowed him in the back after a House GOP meeting on Tuesday morning.

"He just elbowed me in the kidneys ... It was deliberate. It was just a cheap shot," he said.

oh, and he loved to play the big man and threaten people. possibly the only tolerable thing about Kevin McCarthy is that he hated the shit out of Matt Gaetz.

Asked about the fact there are no Florida representatives in positions of leadership, McCarthy explained there’s a “cross-section” of members from the Sunshine State.

“You have Gaetz,” he said, “who belongs in jail, and you have serious members.”

but he couldn’t please the crazies.

the one time in Kevin McCarthy’s lickspittle life that he stood up and did the right thing — worked with the Democrats to keep the government open — the lunatics shitcanned him in a heartbeat.

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in 2010, Eric Cantor, Paul Ryan and Kevin McCarthy were rising stars in the GOP. they wrote a book in which they fashioned themselves to be “young guns.”

these self-styled “guns” were going to take over the Republican Party and remake it in their image: smart, brash, and packed to the gills with awesome new ideas.

as fucking if.

13 years later, they’re gone, chewed up and spit out one by one, consigned to the raging dumpster fire of history.

these three arrogant fucks all thought they had the House maniacs figured out, and could control them.

each one in turn walked straight into the buzzsaw of Republican crazy, and the results weren’t pretty.

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bye bye, Kevin. too bad you never realized your dream of hitting Nancy Pelosi with your gavel. which is totally fucking cool thing to joke about, clocking an old woman with a hammer.

but enough of you, Kevin. fuck straight off.

buh-bye.

I wish I could report that this will be the last we see of Kevin Fucking McCarthy — that he’ll fade into obscurity, and live out the rest of his days back-shoving random strangers at the Bakersfield Piggly-Wiggly.

but no — because we live in the shittiest possible timeline, it won’t be long before Kevin is back in our faces, cashing seven-figure checks as a K Street lobbyist and making the rounds of the Sunday shows, pushing some ghost-written memoir in which he paints himself to be a Great Statesman of Principle.

ugh.

but until then, at least for the immediate future, good fucking riddance to Kevin Fucking McCarthy.

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hey, there might actually be some good Supreme Court news.

it seems I may have been too pessimistic in my dire prediction of how the Moore oral arguments would go.

per Ian Millhiser, writing in Vox:

The Supreme Court spent much of Tuesday morning beating up Andrew Grossman, a lawyer asking the justices to revive a long-defunct limit on Congress’s ability to levy taxes.

Fiscal policy wonks who feared that Moore could blow a massive hole in the federal government’s finances can probably heave a sigh of relief. At the end of the day, Grossman’s arguments appeared to be too weak, and too rooted in discredited legal theories that the Court abandoned nearly a century ago, to persuade even this very conservative Supreme Court.

wouldn’t it be amazing if this corrupt Court actually ruled in favor of We the People for a change?