get ready, everyone — Preznit Fuckwit is about to do something stupid

oh look — Iran gets an obscenity-laced ultimatum

loyal and patriotic citizens, please stand by for an Easter Message of Love and Peace from the President of the United States, Supreme Ruler of the Western Hemisphere, Lord-Emperor of the Sky Above and All the Planets, and God’s Own Avatar on Earth.

“Remember when I gave Iran ten days to MAKE A DEAL or OPEN UP THE HORMUZ STRAIT. Time is running out - 48 hours before all Hell will reign down on them. Glory be to GOD! President DONALD J. TRUMP”

oh goody, another deadline — shat out, as usual, via Donny’s crappy app. once again, the diplomatic process is made a mockery of, all because Dear Leader woke up with a full diaper and decided to get all shouty.

‘glory to god,’ seriously? what, did Piss-Drunk Pete make Donny put that in there? the dunk-tank clown really does imagine he’s fighting a holy war, doesn’t he? remind me one more time which side is supposed to be the religious fanatics. it’s hard to tell them apart.

also, you illiterate imbecile, it’s ‘rain,’ not ‘reign.’ goddammit, it’s just so eternally exhausting being governed by morons.

but look at the timing here. have you ever noticed how all of Donny’s ultimatums always come due a half an hour before the markets open on Monday morning?

it’s not just me who sees this, is it? oh good, it’s not just me.

is recent history about to repeat itself? tomorrow morning around 7am, is Donny going to post about how he’s been having ‘great talks’ with some farcical ‘new leadership,’ and announce that he’s giving Iran another ten-day extension to get their shit together in the Strait of Epstein™? will Donny and his cronies rake in billions as Wall Street goes nuts over the ‘news’?

or is Preznit Fuckwit about to do something really bone-crushingly stupid?

what if Donny isn’t just blowing smoke this time? what if there’s actual fuckery afoot?

consider the shit that’s gone down since Donny crapped the bed with that low-energy speech of his on Wednesday.

first of all, a double-fuckload of troops are massing along the Arabian Gulf.

The US Central Command (CENTCOM) announced that a task force of 3,500 marines and sailors arrived in the Middle East.

“US Sailors and Marines aboard USS Tripoli (LHA 7) arrived in the US Central Command area of responsibility, March 27,” CENTCOM said in a brief post on social media platform X on Saturday, Xinhua news agency reported.

on top of that, there’s the episode where Piss-Drunk Pete fired the Army Chief of Staff and about a dozen other top officers across the armed forces. what was that all about? that’s always a good move in the middle of a don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war, isn’t it, to fire all the experts? okay, I’m speculating here, but what if were these the brass who were telling Pete that he’s out of his fucking mind if he’s planning some ground invasion of Iran?

come on — the dunk-tank clown doesn’t want to hear any of that namby-pamby shit. only the warfighteringest warfighters get to be in Piss-Drunk Pete’s He-Man Woman-Haters Military.

meanwhile, what the fuck has been going on with our Incredible Shrinking President? has anyone seen him lately? the answer is no, because he’s pulled another disappearing act.

since that disastrous snooze-fest of a ‘speech,’ Donny’s only contact with the press — or the public — has been one single phone call with a reporter on Thursday morning. since then, bupkis. he hasn’t been seen nor heard from.

on Friday, after after Iran shot down American fighters jets, we didn’t hear a peep out of Donny. not one fucking word. wouldn’t you have imagined that he would have been super-horny to assemble the press and make some sort of statement about it? this is the blabbermouthiest fuckface in the universe we’re talking about. Donny loves nothing more in the world than hearing the sound of his own grating voice issuing from his rancid anus-mouth — and he didn’t want to talk to the media? nope, nothing. zip. nada. the White House sent the press home at 4:12pm.

yesterday, the press got sent home at 11:08 in the morning.

do you know how unusual is it for the press to be given a fuckity-bye well before noon? we’re in hen’s-teeth territory, my friends — and, as always, We the People are being kept in the dark about Dear Leader’s deteriorating body and fragile state of mind.

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and then there’s this bit of breaking insanity.

what — and I cannot put too fine a point on this — THE FUCK IS THIS?

“Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP”

Happy Easter to you, too, you psychotic fuck.

folks, this is not a joke. Donny — or someone with access to his account — put a post telling Iran to ‘open the fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards’ onto his crappy app at 8:03am, while I was in the middle of writing this post.

my money’s on Donny having not written it. there’s no way he’d have put an apostrophe at the end of fuckin. he’s too illiterate. so who did it? Nosferatu McGoebbels? Plastered Pete, blackout drunk and in the middle of a three-day bender?

so what are we supposed to do now? just keep pretending like all this is the most perfectly normal stuff in the world?

hello? worthless scribblers?

what the hell is going on around here?

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you know what? today is Easter Sunday. so how about we fuck all this noise — and fuck all those warmongering fucks.

I’ve got an Easter message, and it’s a shit-ton better than Donny’s:

to all my Christian friends, happy Easter.

to all my Jewish friends, happy 4th day of Passover.

to all my Muslim friends, I hope you had a happy Ramadan.

to all my Pagan friends, happy Festival of Ēostre.

wait, happy what?

oh, you don’t know about Ēostre? you should definitely get to know her.

Ēostre is the pagan fertility goddess of humans and crops. The traditional colors of the festival are green, yellow and purple. The symbols used are hares and eggs, representing fertility (because we all know that bunnies breed like, well, rabbits) and new life.

eggs and bunnies. huh. sounds familiar.

and if, like me, you’re somewhat atheistic, just have yourself a great day, wherever you are, and whatever you’re doing.

we’ll be back on Fuckery Patrol tomorrow. see you then.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.