Gaetz the fuck out of here, Matt

and say hello to Pam Bondi, Donny’s longtime corruption-buddy

we’re barely two weeks into this chaotic waking nightmare, and Donny Convict’s confederacy is already down one sewer clown.

yesterday morning, CNN phoned up Florida sex-pest Rapey McForehead, and they were all ‘hey buddy, you’ll never guess what — we found out about some additional witnesses who testified to the House Ethics Committee that they saw you having sex with yet another teenage girl, and we’re about to report this. do you have any comment, bro?’

you betcha Botox Matt had a comment: ‘fuck me, I’m fucking fucked.’

forty-five minutes later, he quit his bid to be Donny’s Attorney General.

“I'll be withdrawing my name from consideration to serve as Attorney General.”

too bad, so sad. don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you, pal.

it’s hard to believe that the skeevy degenerate who everybody fucking hates couldn’t get enough Republican senators to agree to confirm him.

Matty has fucked his future seven ways from breakfast. he’s already quit the current session of Congress, in order to hide the damning report that will probably leak anyway. if he agrees to be sworn in to the next Congress — he’s already saying he won’t — then that report will definitely be released.

he’s never going to be a senator.

and now he’s never going to lead Donny’s Department of Retribution.

so, what can we learn from this tawdry exercise in assclownery? topmost, that Donny is an impulsive dumb-ass who acts before he thinks.

per Tobias Wolff:

Reporting indicated that the Gaetz nomination was not planned, not the product of any strategy. It happened because Gaetz got himself seated next to T***p on his plane, flattered him into thinking the appointment would be great and manipulated him into announcing it on social media right away.

This administration will be a nonstop exercise in foreign autocrats and domestic grifters positioning themselves to exploit this cognitively impaired man into whatever action will serve their interests.

secondly, that Donny is not yet a king, and that there are a few Republican senators who as of now have no appetite for obeying in advance.

per Joyce Vance:

What motivated senators to finally break with Trump? Likely a sense of self-preservation. As you’ll recall, Trump started this whole debacle with a demand that Republican senators permit him to bypass their confirmation vote and go out of session, so he could secure his cabinet via recess appointments. In essence, Trump wanted to cut the legislative branch of government out of its constitutional role in governing. As we discussed, doing that would have meant senators were bending the knee, and once you start down that path with Trump it doesn’t stop. Ultimately their opposition to this nominee may have been less about who he was and more about politicians who have caved to Trump at virtually every pass trying to retain a modicum of their power (their dignity is long gone).

now let’s have some thoughts and prayers for Lindsey Graham, who once again wedged his obsequious nose all the way up Dear Leader’s flatulent ass for nothing.

“Matt Gaetz is very bright. I think he’s qualified.”

thoughts and prayers for the internet found object who calls himself Catturd, because he has been denied his greatest pleasure in life, owning the libs.

cope and seethe indeed, my dude.

what is it with the Space Nazi? if I were the world’s richest person — hell, if I had just one billion dollars — I’d be content to just fuck off and do whatever it is that rich people get themselves up to, and never be heard from again. but for some reason, the Space Nazi has to be all up in everybody’s faces, skippin’ like a dipshit, and openly pining for retribution against all his perceived enemies.

well, thoughts and prayers for the unhinged megalomaniac who will never get his Judge Dredd.

sorry bro, I think your Hammer of Justice was last seen driving a teenage girl across state lines.

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Donny’s pick to replace Matt Gaetz is his impeachment lawyer, Pam Bondi.

here’s what you need to know: Pam and Donny are corruption-buddies who go back a looooong way.

in 2013, Pam Bondi — then Florida’s attorney general — was investigating the non-stop fraud factory known as Trump University. Trump U was basically taking thousands of dollars from gullible marks, with the promise that they’d learn how to be wheeler-dealers in real estate, just like Donny Convict. in reality, what Trump U was giving its students was a lesson in what it feels like to get ripped off by a con artist.

so there’s Pam Bondi, actually doing her job and digging up the dirt, when out of the clear blue, here comes an illegal $25,000 contribution to a pro-Bondi PAC — from the Trump Organization.

In March 2016, CREW discovered that the Trump Foundation had broken the law by giving an illegal $25,000 contribution to a political group supporting Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi. Charitable foundations like the Trump Foundation are not allowed to engage in politics. Even more problematic was the fact that the contribution was given as Bondi’s office was deciding whether to take legal action related to Trump University. 

and just like that, poof! no more investigation. weird coincidence, eh?

Pam and Donny have been fast friends ever since.

oh, and then Donny lied about the donation on his taxes, because of course he did.

Donny got off with a $2,500 fine. I hope his wrist didn’t hurt from all that slapping.

so, how did the wingnut noise machine react to the clownfucking of Matt Gaetz and the ascension of Pam Bondi? by proclaiming Dear Leader to be the savviest deal-maker ever to have walked this earth.

no — no fucking way. the thing to keep in mind is that with Donny, there’s never a strategy. he’s eternally flying by the seat of his diaper-loaded pants.

there was no master plan here. there was only Rapey McForehead cornering a cognitively-impaired old man on an airplane and manipulating him into giving him a job.

the MAGAsphere wants you to believe that Donny is always thinking seven moves ahead in a game of ten-dimensional chess, when in reality Donny’s prancing about with both horsies wedged up his nostrils — and hasn’t a fucking clue where the board is.

but let’s give the final word to Lindsay Graham — he’s laying it on so thick here that I had to check twice to make sure this tweet wasn’t posted by a parody account.

“Well done, Mr. President. Picking Pam Bondi for Attorney General is a grand slam, touchdown, hole in one, ace, hat trick, slam dunk, Olympic gold medal pick. She will be confirmed quickly because she deserves to be confirmed quickly.”

Christ on a deep-fried crustacean, the kompromat they have on Old Linz must really be something.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.