Meatball Ron can't stop fucking that chicken

Ron DeSantis's campaign launch crashed and burned faster than a Tesla

Ron DeSantis just can’t stop fucking that chicken.

it was going to be the most amazing launch of a presidential campaign ever. the most fearsome fascist on the planet was teaming up with ThE sMaRtEsT mAn iN tHe GaLaXy in a “twitter space” that would prove for once and for all that both men were masters of their universe.

what could go wrong?

anyone could have seen what was coming a mile away.

of course the whole thing immediately blew the fuck up. and then blew the fuck up again. and then again. how could anyone not be surprised? Elon fired all his engineers. the whole app is held together with duct tape and chewing gum. the site barely functions as it is.

twitter used to be able to pull this shit off — when Buzzfeed exploded a watermelon, eight hundred thousand people watched it happen.

but that was before twitter was run by a gold-plated doofus.

what we all witnessed was the perfect metaphor for a campaign that’s already been one clownshoes disaster after another.

---

the media had a fucking field day. how could it not?

even Fox News got into the act.

and when you’ve lost catturd2, you’ve lost America.

---

here’s the thing: DeSantis’s whole deal is that he’s supposed to be super-competent. “I’m better at being a fascist fuck than Donald Trump is.” that’s it, that’s his whole ballgame.

there’s just one tiny problem with that: it’s complete bullshit. Ron DeSantis is a fraud.

he’s not popular. he was barely elected and re-elected to office. he’s not any kind of master politician; his legislative “successes” are the result of a Republican super-majority that will pass anything he puts in front of them.

DeSantis is good at one thing and one thing only: cruelty. he’s a sadist who gets off on watching people get tortured. all of his policies are designed to inflict suffering on people who can’t fight back.

---

I’ll go on record right now: Ron DeSantis is never going to be president. he’s awkward. he’s unpleasant. he’s not funny. he’s not entertaining. he has negative charisma. he’s clumsy. he carries himself like a lizard-creature from outer space wearing an ill-fitting human skin suit. he laughs like a braying hyena.

and someone please explain to me what the fuck this is:

Donald Trump is already eating him alive.

you can’t out-trump Trump. Donny is a master at chewing up and spitting out Republicans who try to imitate his act. remember when Little Marco tried to insult Trump? remind me how that worked out for Not President Rubio.

keep on fucking that chicken, Meatball.

---

and what can we say about Elmo Mush? great idea, bro, to fire everyone who knows how to keep twitter from blowing the fuck up. take a victory lap, my dude.