fuck straight off with this “Joe Biden is old” bullshit

hire a MAGA stooge special counsel, get a MAGA stooge report

Joe Biden was exonerated. that should have been every headline. because he was.

“Hur’s report said criminal charges were not merited for multiple reasons. Those include the fact that as vice president, and during his subsequent presidency when the Afghanistan records were found, ‘he had the authority to keep classified documents at his home.’”

it was an open and shut case: Biden found classified documents, alerted the DOJ, returned the docs and fully cooperated with the investigation.

but Special Counsel Robert Hur, the Trumpist MAGA stooge investigating the case, couldn’t take “this guy is squeaky clean” for an answer and leave it at that. no, he had to make a totally gratuitous, totally unprofessional swipe at Biden’s mental acuity.

“Mr. Biden would likely present himself to a jury, as he did during our interview with him, as a sympathetic, well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory,” and that it would be difficult to convince a jury that “a former president well into his 80s” was guilty of a felony that “requires a mental state of willfulness.”

and that was all the right-wing noise machine needed. a thousand wingnut screech-monkeys howling at the top of their lungs took over the news cycle.

awesome. just fucking awesome.

but at least the New York Times didn’t fall for this bullshit, right? please tell me that the New York Ti—

fucking hell.

it’s but her goddamned emails all over again. in 2016, voters were totally fucking snookered by biased media coverage.

Biden’s lawyers were apoplectic.

“Not only do you treat the President differently from other witnesses when discussing his limited recall of certain years-ago events, but you also do so on occasions in prejudicial and inflammatory terms,” Sauber and Bauer wrote. “It is one thing to observe President Biden's memory as being ‘significantly limited’ on certain subjects... it is quite another to use the more sweeping and highly prejudicial language included later in the report. This language is not supported by the facts, nor is it appropriately used by a federal prosecutor in this context.”

look, I get why Merrick Garland wanted this matter to be handled by a conservative prosecutor. Garland is all about appearing hands-off and non-partisan.

we’ll put a conservative on this, and then no one will be able to say we didn’t do a fair investigation.

yeah, super fucking awesome.

in a perfect world, this makes perfect sense — but we don’t live in a perfect world. we live in a world full of hack MAGA shitweasels, and if you give MAGA an inch, they’re going to take a fucking mile — and laugh at you the whole time.

Merrick, you got played. you should have seen this coming.

never ever give MAGA the benefit of the doubt. never give them a seat at the table. they will fuck you every time.

Biden held a press conference last night, and he was livid.

“listen, I know there’s some attention being paid to some language in the report about my recollection of events. there’s even a reference that I don’t remember when my son died. how the hell dare he raise that. frankly, when I was asked the question, I thought to myself, it wasn’t any of their damn business. let me tell you something. some of you have commented. I wear, since the day he died, the rosary he got. every Memorial Day we hold a service remembering him, attended friends and family and the people who love him. I don’t need anyone to remind me when he passed away. the simple truth is, I sat for five hours over two days for events going back forty years.”

of course Fox News Dipshit Peter Doocy had to pull his look at me, I’m a dumb-ass clown bullshit, but Biden was having none of it.

Peter Doocy: President Biden, something the special counsel said in his report is that one of the reasons you were not charged is because, in his description, you are a well-meaning elderly man with a poor memory.”
Biden: I’m well meaning and I’m an elderly man and I know what the hell I’m doing. I’m the president, I put this country back on its feet. I don’t need his recommendation.”

Doocy is what would happen if a hemorrhoid became a real boy, and it’s a pleasure to watch Joe Biden put him in his place.

Doocy: how bad is your memory?
Biden: my memory is so bad I let you speak.

look, Joe Biden is out here getting shit done. there is zero indication that Biden isn’t up to the rigors of the presidency.

but you whose brain is rotting away in real time while we all have a ring-side seat?

of course you know who. let’s review some of Little Donny Fuckface’s recent hits.

“we are an institute in a powerful death penalty. we will put this on. we have to.”

“and we will restore on this planet, peace through earth. I am the only candidate who can make this promise to you.”

“the first non-incumpenentguu — and remember this …”

“first they say, sir, how do you do it? how do you get up in the morning and put on pants?”

so, here are our likely candidates for president: the guy who has maybe lost a step but clearly has for the last three three years proven that he can do the job and do it well, or the 91-count felony factory who by November may be so lost to dementia that he no longer has any clue what planet he’s on.

which one do we choose? gee, what a fucking conundrum.