frail old fuckface can’t stop whining

scenes from a trial, Day Six

six days into the first of his four criminal trials, Sundowning Grandpa Farticus can’t stop whining about the indignity of being treated like the greasy felony factory that he is.

he’s freezing because it’s cold in the courtroom. he can’t campaign. the press coverage sucks. the sketch artist hates him. the mean old judge is a Democrat. so unfair!

Commander Buttstench was back yesterday with a brand new complaint: the police state is keeping MAGA from protesting. to hear Donny tell it, thousands of heavily-armed cops have lower Manhattan under siege, bludgeoning the shit out of any true patriot who tries to get near the courthouse.

“now it’s interesting outside, for great Americans, people that want to come down and they want to protest at the court, and they want to protest peacefully. we have more police presence here than anyone’s ever seen. for blocks, you can’t get near this courthouse.”

holy shit! more police presence than anyone’s ever seen! that must be quite a sight. let’s check it out.

ok, there’s two cops across the intersection. an NYPD truck. one more cop. there’s the courthouse. no barricades, though. traffic is moving freely. lots of media. lots of open space.

hey guys, I think Trump was lying to us.

lower Manhattan was a fucking ghost town yesterday morning. it was just business as usual for an ordinary weekday.

hey, know what else you don’t see in that clip? pro-Trump protesters — and it’s obviously not because the of the quote-unquote “police presence.” nope, it’s just that MAGA seems to have lost interest. yesterday morning, exactly one person showed up to support Donny. one.

not even that fuckface who drives that asshole pickup festooned with Trump merch and the “Biden kidnapped” tailgate bothered to show up — and he follows Trump everywhere, all over the New York area.

maybe he couldn’t afford the toll for the George Washington Bridge. so sad.

Trump can’t deal with this. his broken brain can’t accept that he’s a loser — it’s in conflict with his self-image as the richest, handsomest, smartest, sexiest, most popular person who ever lived. what Donny really wants is another January 6th outside the courthouse, and it’s not happening. so he has to lie to himself and concoct some bullshit story about some imaginary police presence — and then when Jesse Watters and Sean Hannity play the clip over and over, your drunk uncle who spends every night of his life sitting on his ass in front of Fox News, will point at the TV and go “look, Lurleen — look how unfairly they’re treating our One True President.”

but show up and protest? oh man, fuck that. go get me another beer, wouldja?

you’ll never guess what else Donny was whining about yesterday.

“and I’m here in a courtroom, sitting here, giving uhh…. sitting up as straight as I can all day long, because you know what? it’s a very unfair situation.”

these rat bastards are forcing Donald Trump to sit! THE INHUMANITY!

my god, what a prima fucking donna. hey, remember when the email lady had to testify about Benghazi? she sat and answered questions for eleven solid hours, never complained, and never even got up for a bathroom break.

but ask Donald Trump to just sit there and keep his fool mouth shut for an entire morning? no one has ever been treated this unfairly.

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hey Alexa: if you’re a lawyer, what are three things you never want to hear from a judge?

“you’ve presented nothing.”
“you’re losing all credibility with the court.”
“it’s a good thing the jury's not here.”

yesterday, Todd Blanche, Trump’s lawyer du jour, hit the trifecta, as an exasperated Judge Merchan barked all that shit at him.

The judge overseeing former President Donald J. Trump’s trial in Manhattan held a fiery hearing on Tuesday about whether to find Mr. Trump in criminal contempt for repeatedly violating the provisions of a gag order.

While the judge, Juan M. Merchan, did not issue an immediate ruling, he engaged in a heated back-and-forth with one of Mr. Trump’s lawyers, scolding him for his failure to offer any facts in his defense of the former president.

Blanche didn’t offer any facts in defense of Donny’s continuing violation of his gag order, because there are no facts. all Blanche could do was mumble the legal equivalent of “shit happens,” and Merchan was having none of it.

Blanche angers the judge with this question:
“Your honor says the timing matters. Why?”
Merchan snaps: “I’m asking the questions,” telling Blanche he shouldn’t “turn it around.”

don’t get too happy. Trump won’t be jailed for ignoring his gag order — at least not right away. New York State law mandates a thousand dollar maximum fine for a first offense.

but people are starting to use the j-word. check out this glorious screen shot:

the Secret Service has realized they need to figure out how to deal if Merchan puts Trump behind bars.

The U.S. Secret Service held meetings and started planning for what to do if former President Donald Trump were to be held in contempt in his criminal hush money trial and Judge Juan Merchan opted to send him to short-term confinement, officials familiar with the situation told ABC News.

I know, I know, we’re a long way from seeing Trump in an orange jumpsuit, but still — the Secret Service making plans? shoot that shit straight into my veins.

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finally, what the fuck is this?

here’s Trump, last night, at his crappy gold-plated tower, presenting a “Key to the White House” to former Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso.

WASHINGTON (AP) — Former President Donald Trump is meeting with another foreign leader while he’s in New York for his criminal hush money trial.

The presumptive GOP nominee was hosting former Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso, one of the country’s most influential politicians, at Trump Tower on Tuesday evening.

“He’s a highly respected man in Japan and beyond,” Trump told reporters as he greeted Aso in the Trump Tower lobby. “It’s a great honor to have him.”

that’s right, Donny continues to run a shadow foreign policy — and, evidently, also dole out fake keys to a building he is no longer welcome inside of.

Aso is just the latest foreign leader to spend time with Trump in recent weeks as U.S. allies prepare for the possibility that he could win back the White House this November. Trump and Democratic President Joe Biden are locked in what is expected to be an extremely close rematch, even as Trump stands criminal trial in Manhattan and faces three additional criminal indictments.

“Leaders from around the world know that with President Trump we had a safer, more peaceful world,” said Trump spokesperson Brian Hughes in a statement. “Meetings and calls from world leaders reflect the recognition of what we already know here at home. Joe Biden is weak, and when President Trump is sworn in as the 47th President of the United States, the world will be more secure and America will be more prosperous.”

it’s maddening. we have an 88-count crime machine who is so close to being imprisoned that the Secret Service now has to plan for it, and yet he’s being allowed to do an end run around the US Department of State and cut who knows what deals with foreign leaders. the election is months away and Trump has already started in on the Day One Dictatoring.

what the hell?