fragile dipshits are melting down because there's a Barbie movie. grow the fuck up

is there any group more whiny than white conservative men

holy shit, white conservative men sure are a whiny bunch of fragile little dipshits.

the world is changing around them and they’re fucking terrified.

for centuries, white conservative men have had society’s pie entirely to themselves, and now they’re being asked to share some of the pie, and they’re having a Big Crybaby Sad about it.

Greta Gerwig’s Barbie arrived in theaters this week and white conservative men everywhere are doing what white conservative men do best: melting straight the fuck down about it.

here’s self-owning chew-toy Ben Shapiro:

mind you, Ben hasn’t seen Barbie — but he’s not letting that stop him from opening his ignorant mouth. bellyaching about something you haven’t seen and don’t understand is a grand conservative tradition going back at least as far as the protests the preceded the release of Monty Python’s Life of Brian.

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Ted Cruz fucking hates this movie. Ted Cruz is running away from Barbie so fast that you would think it was one of his constituents, freezing to death in the Texas winter.

Ted says the movie is “Communist Chinese propaganda,” whatever the fuck that means. don’t ask Ted for an explanation why — he freely admits that, like Ben Shapiro, he hasn’t seen the movie, either.

Ted is forbidding his family from seeing Barbie. Ted, you have two teenage daughters. good luck trying to forbid teenagers from doing anything.

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movieguide is a Christian website that exists solely to ensure that you can raise your child without them ever encountering an idea that would expand their horizons or enrich their worldview. movieguide’s review of Barbie warns that the film “pushes transgender character stories.”

Barbie is a movie based on toy dolls that famously have no genitalia, but since “transgender” is the right’s big scary boogieman right now, I guess the god-mad zealots at movieguide have to wedge the accusation in there somehow.

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listen up, dipshits: it’s a movie, based on a toy for children. if that’s not your thing, don’t see it. end of story.

lighten the fuck up. it’s two hours of light entertainment and escapism, not the Communist Manifesto.

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meanwhile, let’s give the final word on the subject to John Scalzi over on bluesky, who says it so much better than I:

yep, pretty much.

meanwhile, Barbie has received almost-universal acclaim from both reviewers and audiences. cry harder, conservatives.