Fox News dunk-tank clown totally obliterates his own credibility

scenes from a batshit press conference

Mad King Donny — the total obliterator who once totally obliterated five Atlantic City casinos — has returned to an old goal: to totally obliterate any dissent from the press. to accomplish that, he’s picked the Fox News chat show host who’s spent many a night totally obliterating his liquor cabinet on the way to getting himself totally fucking obliterated.

Donny commanded Pete Kegstand to hold a press conference yesterday, at the ungodly hour of 8am — totally obliterating any chance for Plastered Pete to sleep off his total obliteration from the night before.

Pete was not in a good mood. check out Old Yeller, as he totally obliterates any notion that he wasn’t up there performing for an audience of one: Dear Leader, who was back in the White House, watching it all on TV.

“President Trump directed the most complex and secretive military operation in history, and it was a resounding success resulting in a ceasefire agreement and the end of the 12-day war.”

wait, Donny directed the most complex and secretive military operation in history?

fact check: true.

that’s right, Donny traveled back in time, like the Terminator, and nailed the shit out of D-Day.

D-Day, the June 6, 1944, Allied invasion of France, took a year of planning, involved 156,000 Allied soldiers and 195,700 naval personnel, and required cooperation of leaders from thirteen countries. It remains the largest seaborne invasion in history.

then he thanked everyone for their attention to that matter, and returned to the present in time to catch himself on Fox News.

Donny knows more about D-ing a day than all the D-Dayers — and you ungrateful fucks won’t give him one ounce of credit for it.

but let’s get back to our current shitty timeline — because we’re all trying to square in our minds this claim of absolute secrecy, when in reality, President Blabbermouth spent so much time yammering about US plans that Iran was able to move all their enriched uranium to who the fuck even knows where.

reporters wanted to know about that thing we definitely all saw: the satellite images of transport trucks lined up outside of Iran’s Fordo fuel enrichment facility.

even Fox News was all ‘hey Pete, how can you be so sure that Iran hadn’t moved and hidden all their enriched uranium?’

‘shut the fuck up,’ Pete helpfully explained.

Fox News’ Jennifer Griffin: “it’s about highly-enriched uranium. do you have certainty that all the highly-enriched uranium was inside the Fordo mountain, or some of it, because there are satellite photos showed more than a dozen trucks there, two days in advance. are you certain none of that highly enriched uranium was moved?”

Pete: “Jennifer, you’ve been about the worst. the one who misrepresents the most. intentionally.”

Griffin: “I take issue with that.”

here’s reporter Kyle Clark’s comment on that exchange.

“When an official responds to a question with anger and insults rather than an answer, that’s every journalist’s signal that they’ve asked a good question.”

by the way, the Mad King has his own explanation of what was going in those satellite images — and please sit down, because this is going to be one of the dumbest fucking things you’ll ever read.

“The cars and small trucks at the site were those of concrete workers trying to cover up the top of the shafts. Nothing was taken out of facility. Would take too long, too dangerous, and very heavy and hard to move!”

wait, what? concrete workers, doing what? covering up the holes in the ground? why? so the bombs wouldn’t go down the holes? the bombs that the Iranians didn’t know were coming, because the whole operation was the most secretive secret ever secreted?

does Donny ever listen to the shit that falls out of his own mouth?

tell me, do you think Donny came up with that bullshit story all on his own? or did Donny wave that satellite photo in the air and demand an answer, and one of the Sewer Clowns sat him down and made up that fairy tale, while Donny nodded sagely and took it all in?

now tell me, which is the scarier explanation?

oh, and Donny also knows who the leakers are.

“The Democrats are the ones who leaked the information on the PERFECT FLIGHT to the Nuclear Sites in Iran. They should be prosecuted!”

oh, okay. are the Democrats in the room with us right now?

---

Plastered Pete never answered Fox News reporter Jennifer Griffin’s question about those satellite images — because he wasn’t there to answer any stinking questions. he was there yell, to hector, and, above all, to whine about how mean everybody always is to Dear Leader.

“because you — and I mean specifically you, the press — because you cheer against Trump so hard. it’s like in your DNA and in your blood to cheer against Trump, because you want him not to be successful so bad, you have to cheer against the efficacy of these strikes. you have to hope maybe they weren’t effective … and manipulate the public mind over whether or not our brave pilots were successful.”

for fuck’s sake, could this administration please stop trying to pretend this is about the bravery of the pilots. this is about knowing the truth about one thing only: is our country more safe, or less safe, as a result of this bombing?

don’t fucking lie right to our faces, because what’s at stake is our national security — which should be more important than stroking ego of the fragile shitbag in the Oval Office. but unfortunately, to this gang of fucksticks, it isn’t.

this incompetent fool has a lot of goddamned gall lecturing anyone about how to do their jobs. really, we should all be thankful that Fumblefingers Pete didn’t text plans for the Iran bombing to a journalist — or to his wife.

wait. how do we know Pete didn’t blab Iran attack plans to his wife?

by the way, nice hair, Pete. you’ve totally obliterated the notion that the makeup studio you built in the Pentagon wasn’t worth the thousands of dollars you spent on it.

oh, and Mission Accomplished.

“One of the greatest, most professional, and most ‘confirming’ News Conferences I have ever seen! The Fake News should fire everyone involved in this Witch Hunt, and apologize to our great warriors, and everyone else!”

it all just one big performative circle-jerk to these clowns.

---

here’s your hero of the day: the Netherlands’ Queen Maxima, who met Donny prior to Tuesday’s NATO meeting, took look one look at his rancid anus-mouth and totally mocked the shit out of it — because when you’re a queen, they let you.

fuck yeah — let’s slow it down and gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

---

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

---

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

760 / 849