four seasons total dumbfuckery: Donny blows up Iran negotiations with his own reckless mouth

Dear Leader always makes things worse for himself

tell me, is it a bad thing when the president of the United States is such a fuckbrained sack of toxic shit that he makes every situation worse just by existing?

yesterday we learned that Dear Leader was so erratic and out of control that he had to be banished from the room where complex military rescue operations were being planned.

now we’re finding out that peace negotiations with Iran were actually going well at one point — and then Donny blew it all sky-high because he couldn’t keep his tiny little doll-sized fingers off his stupid phone.

As the weekend approached, the US and Iran appeared to be closing in on a deal to end the seven-week war.

Then President Donald Trump did exactly what his staffers have repeatedly said they wouldn’t do: He seemed to try negotiating via the press, posting about ongoing talks on social media and speaking to several reporters by phone Friday morning.

as unlikely as it may seem, somehow the Shitwit Brigade of Witkoff, Kushner and Couchfuck McGee were actually making headway — but then Preznit Fuckwit started posting once again about how he was going to bomb the shit out of Iran if they didn’t dance to his tune, at which point the Iranian negotiating team was all ‘why the fuck are we even talking to you?’

Some Trump officials privately acknowledged to CNN that the president’s public commentary has been detrimental to talks, noting the sensitivity of the negotiations and the Iranians’ deep mistrust of the US.

oh gee, d’ya think? is it any wonder that Iran doesn’t trust the guy who posts that things are going well, and then thirty seconds later posts that he’s going ‘end a civilization’?

why can’t someone hide Donny’s phone, just for 24 hours — or change the White House wifi password — and let the Shitwit Brigade conduct their negotiations in relative peace and quiet? we might actually get an end to this don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war, and open the Strait of Epstein™ back up.

imagine being a member of the Shitwit Brigade, trying to end a don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war — and then your dumbfuck boss goes and ruins everything because he has no ability to keep his stupid mouth closed.

Donny always makes things worse for himself — always. he’s an incompetent stumblefuck who can’t get out of his own accursed way. it’s how he turned the four hundred million dollars he inherited from his tyrant Klansman father into a one point two billion dollar loss. it’s why every single one of his businesses failed. and it’s why we’re now bogged down in a don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war in Iran.

all of this would be hilarious if it were happening in some small, powerless third world banana republic, where some tinpot’s disastrous decisions would have no effect beyond its own borders — but this is the United Goddamned States of America. everything we do affects the entire world.

‘what if the leader of a country were a fucking moron?’ is a great premise when it’s a movie like Duck Soup.

not so much, however, when you have a real-life Donald J. Firefly in command of a nuclear arsenal.

none of this had to happen.

never forget that our current Iranian quagmire was an unprovoked, unnecessary and illegal war of choice that was undertaken by a deteriorating, easily-manipulated mad king wanna-be who was goaded into attacking Iran by both his despot bestie Netanyahu and his piss-drunk Christofascist Secretary of Death, who imagines himself to be waging some fucked-up Jesus-endorsed battle for Armageddon.

Donny is losing this war — badly. yet he refuses to admit it. he still thinks he can shitpost his way to victory.

“I’m winning a War, BY A LOT, things are going very well.”

can I have some of what Donny’s smoking? because he sounds high as fuck.

if only a fraction of the wild claims Donny makes in this tweet were true, the war would already by over, our service members would be on their way home, and oil tankers would be zipping up and down the Strait of Epstein™ like nobody’s business.

spoiler alert: none of that shit is happening. we remain tar-pitted in a five-alarm clusterfuck.

and what is Donny saying here, about Iran’s government being ‘confused’ because they’re reading in the Washington Post about how they’re winning? really, is that actually what Donny imagines is going on? that’s fucking nuts.

Donny is in way over his head, overmatched, and totally unaware of just how horribly everything is going. he somehow remains serenely convinced that he’s the smartest guy in the room, and we’re ones who are the morons.

oh, and if something does go wrong, it’s always somebody else’s fault.

seriously.

WHAT IS THE FUCK THIS CRAZYPANTS GIBBERISH?

It’s three hundred and twenty-eight words long, and not one of them makes a single lick of sense.

this is what pure, unadulterated bugfuck insanity looks like. the president of the United States is off his rocker, and out wandering where the buses don’t run — and, somehow, he’s not being chased by the men with the white coats and the butterfly nets. it’s maddening that this is allowed to go on.

someone please explain to me what the Democrats are doing to ‘hurt the very strong position we are in’?

how is any of what Donny has inflicted on the world the Democrats’ fault? has Chuck Schumer been writing strongly-worded letters to Iran?

cut that shit out, Chuck.

this is why Iran’s negotiators won’t even bother to meet with the Shitwit Brigade any more — because Uncle President Chucklefuck is nuts, and won’t shut the fuck up.

oh, those are going to be some fun talks, with half the seats at the negotiating table empty. hello? hello? is anyone here?

it’s us! Witkoff and Kushner!

oh wait, Donny has one more thing he wants to get off his chest.

“Israel never talked me into the war with Iran.”

yeah, right. the thing you always have to keep in mind with Donny is that every denial is an admission.

Bibi Netanyahu absolutely did goad Donny into his I-thought-we-weren’t-supposed-to-call-it-a-war on Iran. Bibi’s been trying to drag the US into an unwinnable Iranian quagmire for literal decades.

don’t take my word for it. listen to former Secretary of State John Kerry.

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu had proposed a war with Iran to previous US presidents, all of whom declined, said former secretary of state John Kerry in an interview with MS NOW on Friday.

Netanyahu tried in turn to sell George W. Bush, Barack HUSSEIN Obama, and Joe AUTOPEN Biden on the idea that bombing the shit out of Iran would be a super-fun thing to do. each one of them had the good sense to cordially invite Bibi to go fuck himself.

only Mad King Donny was moronic enough to take Bibi’s bait — and now look where we are: mired in a clusterfuck that every other president could see coming a mile away.

lucky us.

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by the way, while I’ve been writing this post, Donny’s been doing a live-via-phone interview with CNBC’s Joe Kernan.

it’s a fucking shit-show. the whole thing is just wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling batcrap nuttiness. let me give you just one 45-second taste of it.

“I would’ve won Vietnam very quickly if I were president. I would have won Iraq in the same amount of time. look at Venezuela. I took it over in 45 minutes.”

is there is Four Season Total Delusion Prize we can give this guy?

I’m really sorry that Donny’s imaginary bone spurs kept him out of the Vietnam War, because I’d really would have loved to have seen him win it ‘very quickly.’” I’m betting he could have Rambo’d the shit out of the Vietcong, and been home in like a couple of hours.

oh my god, what a stupid, stupid timeline we live in.

this has been one of those days where you really wish that you could bring in Monty Python’s big-ass foot to just crush the shit out of everything.

so let’s do exactly that.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.