forced-birth fuckfaces say frozen embryos are children, and other christofascist horror stories

meet the zealots who use The Handmaid’s Tale as an instruction manual

there’s always a judge.

whether it’s Number One Trump Fangirl Aileen Cannon doing her best to derail the Big Classified Document Fuckery Trial, or a Federalist Society hack deciding that white supremacists are being unfairly persecuted, there’s always some extremist judge somewhere, enthusiastically fucking things up for the rest of us.

witness just this week, when the Alabama Supreme Court — led by Chief Justice Tom Parker — ruled that a microscopic cluster of frozen cells is legally a child.

MONTGOMERY, Ala. (AP) — The Alabama Supreme Court has ruled that frozen embryos can be considered children under state law, a ruling critics said could have sweeping implications for fertility treatments.

“Unborn children are ‘children’ … without exception based on developmental stage, physical location, or any other ancillary characteristics.”

that’s right, the self-styled Party of Small Government is now shoving its meddling fingers into medical facilities — and as a result, IVF centers all over Alabama are shutting down.

The University of Alabama at Birmingham health system has paused in vitro fertilization procedures following an Alabama Supreme Court decision due to fear of criminal prosecution and lawsuits, a spokeswoman said.

so now women who want to be pregnant — but can’t conceive the good old-fashioned way — are out of luck in Alabama. ace job, Alabama Supreme Court, pat yourselves on the back.

Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Tom Parker is a real piece of work. he’s one of these god-mad bible-humping zealots who want to turn America into a Christian theocracy.

During an online broadcast hosted by Tennessee evangelist Johnny Enlow on Friday, Parker suggested America was founded explicitly as a Christian nation and discussed his embrace of the Seven Mountains Mandate — the belief that conservative Christians are meant to rule over seven key areas of American life, including media, business, education and government.

“God created government, and the fact that we have let it go into the possession of others, it’s heartbreaking,” Parker said in the interview, first reported this week by Media Matters for America, a liberal nonprofit media watchdog. “That’s why he is calling and equipping people to step back into these mountains right now.”

he seems nice.

listen to what this maniac is saying: “God created government, and the fact that we have let it go into the possession of others, it’s heartbreaking.”

“others”? gosh, to whomever could the good judge be referring?

this is the radical who is now interpreting Alabama’s laws.

hey, you know who else is one of these Seven Mountain Dominionist dipshits? none other than House Speaker Mike Johnson. here’s what Holy Mike and his ilk believe:

Dominionists believe that God has ordained them to run everything — given them dominion over all, to use their language — and when I say everything, I mean every thing. here are their “seven mountains”:

1) Education
2) Religion
3) Family
4) Business
5) Government/Military
6) Arts/Entertainment
7) Media

Holy Mike and his cohort are on a mission to transform every aspect of your life to adhere to their own extreme religious agenda.

these are people who use The Handmaid’s Tale as an instruction manual.

Alabama statehouses are now hastily cobbling together bills to carve out an exception to the embryos-are-children law that would exempt the frozen kind — but what are they going to do when Chief Justice Parker is all nah my dudes, I said ALL embryos are children and overrules them?

America’s forced-birth christofascists didn’t stop at outlawing abortion, and they’re not going to stop at declaring clumps of cells to be children. they’ve got a whole fucking agenda, and it’s not pretty.

An influential think tank close to Trump is developing plans to infuse Christian nationalist ideas into his administration if Trump returns to power, according to documents obtained by Politico.

Spearheading the effort is Russell Vought, who served as Trump’s director of the Office of Management and Budget during his first term and remains close to him. Vought, frequently cited as a potential chief of staff in a second Trump White House, has embraced the idea that Christians are under assault and has spoken of policies he might pursue in response.

Those policies include banning immigration of non-Christians into the United States, overturning same-sex marriage, and barring access to contraception.  

holy shit. as if it weren’t bad enough that the Project 2025 fuckfaces are hard at work ending democracy in America, their Dominionist brethren are trying to make the Bible the law of the land.

what’s worse is that these two groups overlap and are working towards a common goal: keeping straight white men on top and telling everyone else to go fuck themselves.

and they’re not even waiting for the second coming of Donald Trump. right now, the Oklahoma legislature is working on a bill that would ban birth control.

An Oklahoma bill seeks to place further restrictions on abortion in the state, prompting questions from lawmakers about whether the bill would ban emergency contraceptives, like “the morning-after pill” and IUDs.

Authored by Rep. Kevin West, R-Moore, the bill would allow lawsuits for those who help women obtain abortions and would allow the state to identify women who obtain them. It also targets contraceptives that induce an abortion or prevent the implantation of a fertilized egg.

Tennessee is doing its best to kill marriage equality.

Tennessee Gov. Bill Lee signed a new law Wednesday that will allow public officials in the state to refuse to perform marriages if doing so goes against their beliefs.

Critics have said that the measure was crafted with the intention of allowing government officials to refuse to perform same-sex marriages. Religious figures in the state have previously been permitted to refuse to marry same-sex couples.

meanwhile, Marjorie Sporkfuck Greene has annointed herself the Republican Party’s Aunt Lydia. here she is on not-twitter, pretty much telling women to stop dressing like sluts.

If you are conservative and a Christian you know you don’t have to express yourself in sexual ways and you know you are attractive by dressing nice and feminine, and you can be beautiful and modest at the same time.

Men will respect you more and think of you much more highly than just a sexual object for gratification. It’s also good to not tempt your Christian brothers and cause them to stumble.

got that, ladies? put your tits away and stop putting bad thoughts into the heads of the menfolk, especially when they’re busy running the patriarchy.

gee, I wonder if Three Toes had anyone particular in mind when she tweeted that out.

if Spork is so hell-bent on living in an oppressive theocracy, maybe she’d be happier moving to Afghanistan. after all, those Taliban homeboys are pretty good at keeping their property women in line.

it’s all about controlling women, because of course it is. why else would the American Taliban be drooling over the prospect of ending no-fault divorce?

In a since-deleted December post on X, [Christian nationalist William] Wolfe called for an end to surrogacy, sex education in schools, and no-fault divorce

oh what? you want out of your abusive marriage? go fuck yourself, lady. learn to listen better when your husband talks, and maybe he won’t have to smack you around so much.

this is why the evangelicals lined up behind a twice-divorced pussy-grabbing rapist. they knew he could be flattered, cajoled and manipulated into embracing their entire christofascist agenda.

it’s just another one of the ten thousand reasons to keep Day One Dickstain from ever regaining the presidency.