flatulent dipshit cancels hate-rally due to rain

dozy dotard Donny whines about his criminal trial, too

life sucks out loud right now for Little Donny Fuckface. he’s forced to shiver in a frigid shithole of a courtroom all day long. everything is ugly. look at the place — there isn’t one beautiful gold-plated object in sight.

they make Trump get up so early in the morning — haven’t these peons ever heard of ‘executive time’? — and as a result, he keeps nodding off while enveloped in a dense fog of his own fecal stench.

why is there no big red button on the defendant’s table? where is Number One Flunky Walt Nauta to bring Trump a cool, refreshing Diet Coke?

and that stupid old Judge Merchan won’t stop telling him what to do. why, just the other day Donny stood up and the judge pointed at his chair and told him to sit his stinky ass back down. what the fuck? who talks to God-Emperor King Fuckface the First like that?

but the worst of it — the absolute worst — is that Donny had to sit there and listen as jurors’ tweets were read out loud in court. they called him fat! they called him a criminal! they called him dumb as fuck!

these people — these fucking enemies of the state — they’re all going to Gitmo the very second Donny regains power. just you wait and see.

another thing Donny rages about is how all this trial bullshit is keeping him off the campaign trail.

which makes it all the more hilarious that on Saturday — because weekends are now the only time Trump is able to bask in the glow of his doltish worshipers — he had to cancel a hate-rally in North Carolina because of a little bit of rain. here’s Donny literally phoning it in from his private jet.

“this is Donald Trump, your favorite president of all time, hopefully. as you can see, there is some very bad weather heading in, and we’re flying in in a few minutes but they really would prefer that we not come in because there’s a certain danger to all of this and we want to make sure that everyone is safe.”

holy shit, the preening imbecile can’t even cancel an event without first puffing himself up. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that my “favorite president of all time” isn’t an 88-count narcoleptic fart factory.

Donny Diaperload hates the rain, because it fucks up that tangled rat’s nest of cotton candy bullshit that sits atop his big dumb pumpkin head. recall that Trump famously blew off a commemoration of fallen WWI heroes, because of a light drizzle. Mr. Super Patriot opted instead to rage-tweet from his hotel room.

you may be asking: what’s so bad about a little rain? can’t Donny have some toady hold an umbrella while he waddles from the airplane to his limo to the rally?

no he can’t, because Trump’s hate-rallies are now held outside. take another look at that video clip above. the crowd of excited cultists are waiting on the airport tarmac — because that’s where these things take place now. Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants flies in, rambles incoherently for an hour and a half, and flies out.

fake-billionaire Donald Trump is flat broke. his campaign is spending so much money on criminal defense lawyers — Alina Habba’s brand-new ahem kidneys aren’t going to pay for themselves, you know — that he can no longer afford to rent out stadiums.

it’s all so sad.

hey, do you think the fucking idiot in the clip below was even aware that Trump’s hate-rally was canceled, or was he too deep into his own weird-ass conspiracies to notice?

RSBN bobblehead: “Ukraine — can you imagine if we had that money to help our own people, it’s ridiculous.”
weirdo: “those are fed dollars. that’s funny money. and Trump started — he pushed along the quantum financial system. you don’t think it’s tracking all that? the good money — my fed dollars — they’re good. Trump will honor that, we’ll get it in gold. the rest of it, whatever went overseas, is gone.”

wut?

I love how the RSBN reporter was lobbing this numb-nuts an easy softball question about Ukraine funding and in return got a mega-pantsload of what the fuck are you even talking about.

I googled “quantum financial system” and got this gobbledygook:

The Quantum financial system (QFS) is an emerging concept that leverages quantum computing and related technologies to revolutionize finance and banking. While still largely theoretical, the QFS promises enhanced security, efficiency, and transparency.

so now I know less about it than when I started. but hang on — something this guy said — “Trump will honor that, we’ll get it in gold” — holy shit, did this clownstick idiot waste his money on Trump Bucks?

what I think we have here is one of the goofuses who shelled out for a pile of phony money, because he got scammed into believing these useless slips of paper are going to be worth millions one day — like this unfortunate woman did.

To prove to her mother-in-law that she had been swindled, a Florida woman said she drove her to a nearby bank and urged her to try to redeem the Trump Bucks in her possession.

“We thought she got it, she even admitted she got scammed,” the woman said. “But then giant boxes arrived at the house full of Trump checks and other stuff that she bought for $500 and that would supposedly be worth $6 million one day. We tell her she’s getting scammed and she says, ‘Just wait, Trump will make all the patriots rich.’”

“It’s like she’s in a cult,” the Florida woman said.

it’s a wise old saying, a Trump cultist and their money are soon parted.

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let’s get back to Donny’s criminal trial in Manhattan, which resumes tomorrow. there’s a report that Lord Fuckley is “volcanically angry” about reporters blowing the whistle on his sleepytime habits in court.

Rolling Stone reported that, according to one unnamed source, the former president’s anger is “maxed out, even for him.” Haberman’s report provoked “an irate denial from Trump’s campaign and reignited the former president’s antipathy towards Haberman.”

“The resentment lasted the entire week,” the source added.

oh, and —

Trump is convinced the courtroom sketch artist is “out to get him,” complaining that some of the images the artist produced “were likely drawn to make fun of him.”

“One such sketch captured Trump snoozing, with his eyes closed and head tilted,” Suebsaeng wrote.

boo fucking hoo, Donny. you’re always the victim, aren’t you. here, enjoy some more tiny violin.

don’t want to be drawn sleeping? try keeping your fucking eyes open.

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late last night, aid for Ukraine finally passed the House. joyous Democrats waved Ukrainian flags — and the worst people in the world immediately melted down into a puddle of molten rage.

Kari Lake: “and today, what they did when they voted to further fund Ukraine and they were waving Ukrainian flags around and chanting ‘Ukraine.’ I don’t know what country I’m in any more.”

and of course the Wingnut Grudge Machine sprung into action, vowing to waste everyone’s time on sure-to-fail legislation to oulaw fun.

A Republican lawmaker is looking to restrict the display of foreign countries’ emblems inside the House chamber after Democrats waved the Ukrainian flag in celebration of the passage of $60.84 billion aid legislation on Saturday afternoon.

wipe your nose and dry your eyes, buttercup. here’s your binky.

and here’s a pro tip for you fake-outrage assholes: if you cheered when this flag got waved inside the House on January 6th —

— sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up about any other kind of flag being waved in the House.