fascism, but with morons

twenty-four hours in the dumbest country on the planet

make no mistake, Donny’s coming Confederacy of Sewer Clowns are going to wreak as much havoc on America as they can — but at the same time, let’s never forget that these people are fucking imbeciles, and it’s going to be a very stupid four years.

hell, we just lived through an incredibly stupid twenty-four hours.

oh look, Fox News invented an award just to flatter Dear Leader.

“I look greatly forward to attending the Fox News Patriot Awards, hosted by Sean Hannity, in New York on Thursday evening. I will be receiving the Fox Patriot of the Year Award — so nice! See you there.”

isn’t that special? the 88-count narcoleptic fart factory who stole our nation’s top secrets and tried to overthrow his own government is getting an award for being a … patriot.

now, let’s go live to Lady Liberty for her reaction.

sorry, Libby — I’m going to have to disagree. I’m fucking loving this idea. Donny Convict craves nothing more than being the center of attention — so let’s give it to him. let’s gin up one cockamamie award after another to present to Donny every single day. let’s keep him so busy attending ceremonies that he’s too distracted to create more havoc.

(actually, I just discovered that this award is six years old, and I was shocked to learn that Fox doesn’t just automatically hand it to Dear Leader ever year. last year, they gave it to those homophobic busybodies, the Mothers for Liberty.)

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gee, the world’s greatest visionary just invented the nepo-mom.

Donny Convict has given the Space Nazi his very own playpen, where he can kick all the sand he wants: the Department of Breaking Shit You Don’t Understand.

Spacey, in cahoots with Vivek Ramaswamy, has been tasked with obliterating 99% of our government, in order to pay for Donny’s next round of ginormous tax cuts for oligarchs.

now, how are these two unelected nitwits going to analyze which agencies are ripe for shitcanning? by smoking a lot of dope, flipping through a government directory, and making rash, uninformed decisions, that’s how.

“the AbilityOne Commission. Viv, do you know what that is?”
”no fucking clue. never heard of it, Spacey.”
“okay, it’s gone.”

you who know who apparently also works at the Department of Breaking Shit You Don’t Understand? the Space Nazi’s Mommy.

“It’s going to be very easy,” Elon Musk’s mother, Maye Musk, told Fox News on Tuesday, after she sat in on some of her son’s meetings. Mr. Musk will lead the department along with Vivek Ramaswamy, a former Republican presidential candidate.

wait, Maye Musk is sitting in on meetings? Jesus Ketamine Christ, whose idea was this?

I love my own mom, but she spent her working years arranging conferences for a chemical company. I don’t phone her up and ask her for new names to call Commander Crazypants. it’s out of her league.

but maybe I’m being unfair to Maye Musk. maybe she’s a gods-honest expert in government efficiency. who am I to judge? so I checked out her wikipedia page. I read the whole thing.

nope, she’s a model and a dietician.

but in reading all about Maye, this was my favorite part:

When Maye Musk became an American citizen, she registered as Democrat. However after unnamed Democrats allegedly said that her son “Elon is terrible,” she thought the party was “malicious and dishonest,” and changed to Republican.

fuck me, it’s those unnamed Democrats again. I swear, they ruin everything.

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hey everyone — it’s the Pantload Pundit Show.

did you know that unemployed newspaper scribbler Chris Cillizza and unemployed TV chatterbox Chuck Todd talk to each other? I guess that’s what you do when you’re two useless wastes of oxygen with all the free time in the world.

“I talk to @chucktodd every Monday for my newsletter. It’s always a good conversation. But, I thought Chuck NAILED it today on why the Hunter Biden trial really mattered when thinking about the Biden presidency and the pardon.”

oh joy, Chuck Fucking Todd has an opinion on the Hunter Biden trial. get ready, everyone, the Chuckster’s about to say something really stupid.

“I followed the Hunter Biden trial very closely. I read every transcript, all the testimony, because that’s what, you know, all that was made public. and there is — you want to you want to read, you want to get angry just as a as somebody and just all these mixed emotions. you read the Hallie Biden transcript, and that’s Beau’s widow. and essentially he turned her into a crack addict. and this was all happening in 2017, 2018. and Joe and Jill Biden were so concerned about their family that they decided to run for president. I just … so when you talk about the word selfish, I ... it’s almost like the word doesn’t — I mean — their decision to run for president put the entire Democratic Party and the United States of America in the position that it’s in now.”

*blinks in astonishment*

has the Space Nazi been sharing his ketamine stash with Chuckers?

let me get this straight. according to Cuck Todd (sorry, that was a legit typo but I’m not fixing it because now it’s canon), Joe Biden ran for president in order to save his family? seriously? how have I never heard this fucktastic theory before? I had to google it — because hey, maybe this is some common knowledge that I’ve somehow missed. but no, every link to this analysis begins and ends with Cuck Todd.

Cuck Todd is the king of the ass-pull analysis.

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oh, look who’s about to fail upwards.

it seems that ahem alleged drunken ahem alleged serial sexual assaulter Pete Hegseth just might be a little too much of a toxic shitpile to make it through the Senate confirmation process.

so, in search of a Secretary of Defense replacement, Donny spun his Big Wheel of Stupid — and you’ll never guess who it landed on.

DONALD TRUMP AND RON DESANTIS have personally discussed the possibility of the Florida governor becoming the next secretary of defense amid concerns that sexual assault allegations could engulf the president-elect’s current nominee for the post, Pete Hegseth.

so, it could be out with the christofascist musclebound predator, and in with the unpleasant bobblehead who swans about like a lizard-creature from outer space whose human skin-suit doesn’t fit properly.

so, what are Ron’s qualifications to manage America’s military might? none, really — but when has no qualifications ever been an issue for the Confederacy of Sewer Clowns? worrying about silly stuff like budgets and appropriations isn’t Ron’s thing, anyway. he’s going to be too busy banning Drag Queen Story Hour at the Pentagon.

oh, and the ascension of Ron is a stupid-twofer.

DeSantis is weighing whether to appoint Trump’s daughter-in-law, Lara Trump, to fill Rubio’s Senate seat. The possibility that the governor himself could end up at the Pentagon may factor into that decision.

this would definitely be good news for Tommy Tuberville, who would no longer be the dumbest member of the Senate.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.