Epstein diversion alert! they’re investigating the Email Lady’s emails — AGAIN

squirrel!

Little Donny Fuckface is rattled right now. he wants nothing more than for everyone to stop asking so many questions about his dead pedo bestie. for the first time in his soft, privileged life, the press has sunk its teeth into a scandal they can’t be distracted from — and the Mad King hasn’t a clue how to handle it.

Donny’s playing all the old hits, throwing everything at the wall and hoping that something — anything! — will stick.

Obama did a treason! Biden did an autopen! sports isn’t racist enough! Murdoch sucks! Colbert sucks! I’m suing everybody! SQUIRREL!!!

it’s not working. nothing is working — and Donny’s getting slaughtered in the polls.

just how rattled is Team Donny right now? this rattled: they’ve raised the threat level to DEFCON Hillary.

it’s right there on page one of the Republican Diversion Handbook: when all else fails, investigate the Email Lady.

Bondi announced Monday that the Department of Justice has released documents tied to the FBI’s investigation into Clinton’s use of a private email server during her tenure as Secretary of State. The move comes in response to a long-standing request from Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley, who has pushed for greater transparency surrounding the probe.

oh, thank the day. Chuck Grassley — who, at six hundred and seventy-nine years of age, is America’s oldest living elected official — is finally going to get to the bottom of this whole Hillary emails thing.

Chuck’s premise is that the FBI didn’t try hard enough to gin up proof that Hillary broke laws by running her own email server. Grassley believes that when the initial FBI investigation came up with bupkis, they should have opened a second. and if that one didn’t prove criminal culpability, they should have opened a third.

in other words, the FBI should have Benghazi’d the shit out of that email server.

Benghazi — now there was an investigation. do you think Republicans were daunted when they couldn’t find any proof that Hillary was responsible for the deaths of four diplomats in Libya? fuck no. they immediately cranked a second investigation in high gear. and then a third. a fourth. a fifth.

do you know how many total investigations there were into Benghazi? eight. that includes the one where they hauled Hillary before live cameras and made her testify for eleven consecutive hours — which she did with grace and humor.

so you can well understand why Chuck Grassley can’t believe that everyone just gave the fuck up after one email investigation. who does that, investigate Hillary only once? it makes no sense.

and, of course, Pam Bondi couldn’t wait to agree to Grassley’s request to declassify everything the FBI had on Hillary. anything — anything — to get MAGA’s mind off of the Epstein Files.

naturally, the wingnut outrage-industrial complex is only too happy to play along.

but as long they’re delving into Hillary’s imaginary crimes again, maybe they could check out that time when she accidentally butt-dialed a journalist and texted him classified war plans.

oh wait, that wasn’t Hillary who did that. it was the Fox News dunk-tank clown who screwed that up.

someone remind me, how many hearings were held after Pete Kegstand’s actual breach of national security? I seem to recall it was zero.

and please, someone remind me how many hours Congress spent grilling Piss-Drunk Pete on live television? spoiler alert: again, it was zero.

how many hours did Donny Convict spend testifying before the January 6th Committee? again, I seem to recall it was zero. in fact, when Donny was subpoenaed to testify, he blew it off and didn’t show up.

but sure, let’s just hassle the Email Lady every day for the rest of her life. there’s got to be something on her. there’s just got to be.

look: the only thing that anyone needs to know about Hillary’s emails is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein files.

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hey, as long as Pam Bondi is so horny to declassify FBI files and hand them out like party favors, I have a couple of requests — because there are some other unsolved scandals that really need to be looked into.

topmost: it’s time to reopen the investigation into TanSuitGate.

could we please get all the files about Obama’s tan suit?

sure, everyone knows that Obama wore a tan suit, but we never found out why.

look at poor old Comer Fudd. he still can’t figure out how old Joe Biden is.

I’m sure the FBI has files somewhere with Joe Biden’s birthdate on them. could someone do Comer a solid and pass them his way?

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hey Donny — you want this to all go away? I have an easy solution for you: just release the files, and let everyone see for themselves how you did nothing wrong.

I mean, you’re innocent right? and innocent people don’t generally suppress the very files that prove how innocent they are, am I right?

am I right?

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here’s another thing Pam Bondi did yesterday: she declassified a bunch of FBI files on the 1968 assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr.

look at us, releasin’ files. we’re so fucking transparent. who can accuse us of covering up anything? that was the intended message behind this bit of Kabuki.

you know who wasn’t impressed? Bernice King, MLK’s daughter.

in a world of Mad Kings, be a Bernice King.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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