medbed alert! elderly golfer’s brain has gone fuckity-bye

demented president, heal thyself

let’s suppose that President Joe Biden, in the middle of the night, had posted to social media an AI-generated deep-faked imaginary news report of himself, proudly announcing that every American would now have access to a non-existent medical device that would de-age them, heal them, and re-grow the shit out of their missing limbs.

you know exactly what would have happened next: the entire world would demanded to know what the fuck is wrong with Joe Biden? the press would have been screaming for an explanation, and rightfully so. Comer Fudd would have stepped on every rake in a mad dash to convene a hearing. dust off them photos of Hunter Biden’s freakishly-oversized trouser-hog, Marge. we’s-a havin’ us a good-ol’ an impeachment party.

world leaders would have called for an obviously-impaired Biden to step down. so would Republicans. so would Democrats.

hell, even I would have called for Sundowning Grandpa Icecreamcone to be 25th Amendmented on the spot.

you know where I’m going with this: on Saturday night, Donny Convict did just that: he posted a fake video of a fake Donny making a fake announcement about a fake medical device.

deepfake Lara Trump: “breaking now, President Donald J. Trump has announced a historic new healthcare system: the launch of America’s first new medbed hospitals, and a national medbed card for every citizen.”

deepfake Donny: “every American will soon receive their own medbed card. with it, you’ll have guaranteed access to our new hospitals led by the top doctors in the nation, equipped with the most advanced technology in the world. the facilities are safe, modern, and designed to restore every citizen to full health and strength.”

bear in mind that nothing you saw in that video is real. that wasn’t Lara Trump, that wasn’t Donny, that wasn’t the Oval Office — where is the all the gold-plated crap, and the stolen World Cup trophy? — there is no ‘medbed hospital,’ and, most importantly, the medbed doesn’t exist.

and yet, when Preznit Fuckwit saw this video show up in his feed, he went ‘oh yeah, there I am, doing that thing I did’ — and posted it to his own crappy app.

tell me, is it bad when the leader of a country is so cognitively impaired that he can no longer determine what’s real?

it’s one thing to get fooled by a realistic-looking video on social media. it’s happened to all of us. it’s another thing entirely to get fooled by a video of you doing something you never did.

man person woman camera medbed.

let’s talk about this medbed. it’s a QAnon fever swamp hallucination that’s been going around for a least three years, and it’s pure, unadulterated batshit.

An increasingly popular conspiracy theory falsely centers around the existence of “med beds,” a fabled medical instrument that does everything from reversing aging to regrowing missing limbs. The theory has grown in popularity among followers of far-right movements like QAnon, some of whom claim to be urgently awaiting a med bed to treat severe health conditions.

that’s right: after spending a hard day trafficking children out of the basement of a pizza parlor that has no basement, Hillary Clinton returns home to Chappaqua, lies down on her medbed, and regrows all her missing limbs.

and it’s not just the email lady who’s benefiting from this mythical tech — so is Bobby Brainworms’ uncle Jack.

The group falsely believes that John F. Kennedy is still alive and youthful, and attributes his remarkable longevity to the curative powers of med beds.

as with all things QAnon, it’s dumb as fuck and makes no sense.

if there really were a medbed, wouldn’t Joe Biden have been using one all along? wouldn’t Donny? wouldn’t Glitch McConnell and the seven-hundred-and-fifty-eight-year-old Chuck Grassley? wouldn’t everyone at the top level of government be running around youthful and getting up into highjinks, as if they were in the movie Cocoon?

it’s all so obviously bogus, and yet Donny was fooled by a fake video of a fake himself, doing fake things. he saw himself doing things never did, and accepted it without question. holy fucking shit.

Sunday morning, one of Donny’s handlers deleted the video — but the internet never forgets.

folks, this is some crazy fucking shit. we should all be alarmed that the president’s brain has gone fuckity-bye.

none of this is normal.

and it’s becoming increasingly clear that Donny’s own sewer clowns are aware that Dear Leader has gone Full Nutso. they work around him, and feed him disinformation and feel-good stories — and they’ve cut him out of the loop. they don’t even bother to clue him in to their own fuckery any more.

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it’s been obvious for a while now that Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand has been high on his own supply — and running his own show. a couple of months ago, he made a unilateral decision to shitcan aid to Ukraine — and he didn’t even bother to give Dear Leader so much as a courtesy head’s-up.

it’s also becoming obvious that Donny had no advance notice about Kegstand’s WarriorEthosPallooza, that mandatory meeting wherein every general and admiral worldwide has been summoned to some fucked-up playdate in Washington tomorrow. per The New York Times,

Mr. Trump appeared unfamiliar with the meeting when he was asked about it during an Oval Office appearance on Thursday, but he quickly said it was good that Mr. Hegseth had organized it.

‘unfamiliar’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence. listen to Donny blither like a fifth-grader called upon to give a surprise oral report about a book they forgot to read.

“I love it, I think it’s great, let him be friendly with the generals and admirals from all over the world. is there something wrong with it? why is that such a big deal? the fact that we’re getting along with the generals and admirals from all over the world? remember, I’m the president of peace. it’s good to get along. you act like this is a bad thing. isn’t it nice that people are coming from all over the world to be with us?”

‘isn’t it nice’? Donny seems blissfully unaware that every admiral and general has been ordered to attend this meeting. he’s apparently under the impression that all these top military brass just decided amongst themselves, ‘hey, what if we all got together in DC to have a few laughs?’ Donny imagines it’s going to be Woodstock for the military. three days of peace and love, and grooming tips from the Fox News dunk-tank clown — and every general and admiral will get to have a turn in Donny’s personal medbed.

‘isn’t is great we’re getting along with the generals and admirals from all over the world?’

yeah, it’s fucking awesome, President Pudding Cup. now let’s get you to bed, you’re sundowning again.

now, here’s what Donny said during a phone call yesterday with NBC news, the one where he announced he’s going to crash Kegstand’s meeting. he still has no fucking clue what it’s about. he’s still that bullshitting fifth-grader who still hasn’t read the book.

“It’s really just a very nice meeting talking about how well we’re doing militarily, talking about being in great shape, talking about a lot of good, positive things. It’s just a good message,” Trump told NBC News in a phone call. “We have some great people coming in and it’s just an ‘esprit de corps.’ You know the expression ‘esprit de corps’? That’s all it’s about. We’re talking about what we’re doing, what they’re doing, and how we’re doing.”

“‘esprit de corps’ is a very important thing for the military to have, and that’s why everyone should read ‘A Farewell to Arms.’ thank you.”

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check out this prime dollop of batshit that Uncle Dumbfuck posted to his crappy app.

“Some of the highest quality 24 Karat Gold used in the Oval Office and Cabinet Room of the White House. Foreign Leaders, and everyone else, “freak out” when they see the quality and beauty. Best Oval Office ever, in terms of success and look!!! President DJT”

what a delusional asshole. I guarantee you that no foreign leaders are ‘freaking out’ when they get a load of the cheap plastic tat that some flunky bought online, spray-painted gold, and hot-glued to the walls, turning the once-dignified Oval Office into a vulgar bordello gift shop.

au contraire, mon frere. they’re all rolling their eyes, Georgia Meloni-style, and trying not to laugh out loud.

my god, he’s such a fucking child. what a thing to brag about, as the price of food and gas skyrockets nationwide — that everyone’s jealous of your gaudy golden shitpile.

let them eat fake gold filigree, am I right, Dear Leader?

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and now, here’s your hero of the day.

Donny’s masked ICE goons were doing a Full Racism the on streets of Chicago yesterday, rounding up and disappearing anyone with brown skin. so much for the fairy tale of how ICE is only going after criminals. cool story, ICE. now go fuck yourselves.

so let’s stand up and cheer for this food delivery dude who managed to out-run and out-bicycle nine members of ICE’s elite Meal Team Six squad.

too bad, so sad, thugs.

and fuck you, Donny, for turning America into an authoritarian hell-hole where being faster than fascism is the new spectator sport.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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