Little Donny Fuckface sucks at a lot of things. he sucks at honesty. he sucks at being a father and husband. he sucks at math, and science. he sucks at being human.
but above all, Donny sucks at America. he has no clue how to be the leader of a nation, and not just the deranged cultists who worship him.
Donny’s super ginormous mad right now, because a judge he appointed won’t let him do a fascism in Portland. listen to the big diaper-baby whine about it.
“I wasn’t served well by the people that pick judges. I can tell you, things like that are just too bad. I appointed the judge and he goes like that, so I wasn’t served well, obviously I don’t know the judge. but if he made that kind of a decision, Portland is burning to the ground. you have agitators, insurrectionists. all you have to do is look at the television, turn on your television, read your newspapers. it’s burning to the ground. the governor, the mayor, the politicians are petrified for their lives like that. that judge ought to be ashamed of himself.”
ashamed of herself, dumb-ass.
Judge Karin Immergut is a woman — and here’s why President Pantload is mad at her. last week, Donny decreed that he was federalizing the Oregon National Guard and ordering them to invade Portland — because ‘presidents aren’t supposed to go to war against their own country’ is a concept that Donny somehow still isn’t clear on. he sucks at America.
Judge Immergut was all ‘no, you don’t get to do a fascism,’ and slapped Donny with a writ of go fuck yourself.
U.S. District Judge Karin Immergut granted Oregon and Portland officials’ request for a temporary restraining order, barring implementation of Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s memo that authorized federalizing the troops over the state’s objection.
“This is a nation of Constitutional law, not martial law,” the Trump-appointed judge wrote.
this is so blatantly unfair. what’s even the point of getting to hand-pick your own judges if they’re going to actually follow the Constitution?
oh, and Judge Immergut wasn’t done smacking Donny upside the head. she was also all ‘where the fuck are you getting your information?’
“The President’s determination was simply untethered to the facts,” the judge wrote.
‘untethered to the facts.’
you say that like it’s a bad thing, Judge — but for Donny, that’s a feature, not a bug. the ludicrous idea that Portland is ‘burning to the ground’ is a fever-swamp hallucination that exists inside Donny’s rotting head — because he sucks not just at America, but at basic reality.
On September 5, 2025, Fox News aired a report on Portland ICE protests that included misleading clips from Portland protests in 2020. Shortly thereafter, President Trump appeared to reference events in the same misleading Fox News report when speaking to the press.
now that’s a lovely situation: a president horny to police-state the shit out of Portland, because he saw a five-year-old clip of a burning trash can on TV, and he’s so cognitively impaired that he can no longer coherently process the images flickering before his eyes.
anyway, Donny wasn’t going to let some stupid old judge tell him what to do. he took one look at California’s National Guard and went ‘these are mine now’ — because Donny also sucks at consent — and announced he was sending them to put out that five-year-old trash can fire in Portland. pro tip: bring some marshmallows, troopers.
and then, word got out that Texas was getting ready to send their National Guard to Portland — because of course they were. if there’s a fascism being done anywhere in the US, you know that Governor Greg Abbott is going to want a piece of that action.
so, it was back to court — because if there’s one thing judges love, it’s being up in the middle of the night on a Sunday, trying to prevent a court-order-defying Mad King from shitting all over the Constitution. Judge Immergut was all ‘this fuckery ends now.’
so that’s the world we’re waking up to this morning. another brave judge has become a bulwark against creeping fascism, while Donny goes bellyaching to the Ninth Circuit to appeal.
boo fucking hoo, Donny.
on Sunday, Donny’s handlers finally let the Mad King out of his hidey hole, so he could make a speech at the Norfolk Naval Station.
tell me, does Donny’s inability to construct a coherent sentence make his ass seem demented?
“and history will never forget that it was the Seals who stormed the compound at Osama bin Laden, and put a bullet in his head.”
yes, President Pudding Cup actually said “the compound at Osama bin Laden.” now get ready for one of Donny’s patented Things That Never Happened The Most.™
“and please remember I wrote about Osama bin Laden exactly one year ago, one year before he blew up the World Trade Center.”
timelines, how do they work? Christ on a corncob, no wonder Donny’s handlers have to work overtime to keep him from appearing in public.
“and I said ‘you gotta to watch Osama bin Laden.’ and the fake news would never let me get away with that statement unless it was true. but I said one year before, to Pete Hegseth, I said one year before, where’s Pete?”
yeah, where is Pete Kegstand, who Donny apparently spoke to in the year 2000, about Osama bin Laden. cool coherent story, grandpa. please continue.
“in the book I wrote, whatever the hell the title, I can’t tell you, but I can tell you there’s a page in there devoted to the fact that I saw somebody named Osama bin Laden, I didn’t like it, and you gotta take care of him. they didn’t do it, and a year later he blew up the World Trade Center. so, you gotta take a little credit, ’cause nobody else is gonna give it to me. you know the old story, they don’t give you credit, just take it yourself.”
fact check: fuuuuuuuck you, you lying fuck.
the book Donny can’t recall the title of (because he didn’t write it, a ghostwriter did) is The America We Deserve (spoiler alert: no, we don’t, fuck off), and it contains only one brief mention of bin Laden, describing him as ‘a shadowy figure with no fixed address.’
that’s all. no warning, no call to go after him. but in typical Donny fashion, this fairy tale — which he’s been repeating since 2018 — grows ever more outlandish with each recounting. by next week, Donny will be claiming that bin Laden had tears in his eyes as he went ‘sir! sir! no one has ever warned the world about me like you did, sir!’
math, how does it work?
“…the daring landing in Inchon, and flew more than a quarter of a million combat sortays against the enemy, it was an amazing effort.”
‘sortie,’ doofus. the word is sortie.
I’m hoping that this very talented pilot is in the room with us right now. I want to ask him how he managed to fly more than 250,000 combat missions — because that’s one mission per second, 24 hours a day, for eight years.
but Donny wasn’t just incoherent, he was also scary as fuck.
“we have to take care of this little gnat that’s on our shoulder called the Democrats.”
I’m sorry, Democrats are a what that’s where?
come the fuck on. in 2016, the email lady called Donny’s cultists a ‘basket of deplorables,’ and the press turned it into a month-long scandal. they demanded that she apologize for dehumanizing her opponent’s supporters.
every single day of Donny’s life, something entirely fucked-up and inappropriate seeps out of his rancid anus-mouth — and not one worthless scribbler of the corporate-controlled press can be roused from their slumber.
this seems like a good time to mention that my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge is now in its 2,015th day.
Donny had an opening act in Norfolk: his own Secretary of Clownfuckery, Pete Kegstand.
Pete was apparently there to do Navy Man Cosplay and crank the white supremacy dial all the way to eleven.
“your diversity is not your strength. your strength is your unity of purpose.”
I would disagree with Plastered Pete. I believe our strength is that we can all laugh together as a nation, as Clownstick McDaydrunk flips a skateboard into his own nuts.
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
860 / 949
to the person who emailed me with the suggestion that every post end with that Kegstand gif, this one's for you
They keep getting dumber and more aggressively dangerous… but I’m guessing the “dumber” has more staying power. They peaked too early. And they are gonna crash and burn. I’m praying they don’t burn us all down in the process.
Keep laughing at them. All of them. Every fucking one of them. It makes them the most madder than anything.