elderly golfer at Day 100: weak, stupid and pathetic

oh, and unpopular, too

good news, everyone! almost one hundred days into his presidency, Donny Convict has finally implemented his secret plan to end Russia’s war of aggression against Ukraine.

oh no, wait — it’s not good news. it’s sad, pathetic, humiliating news — because Donny’s been reduced to begging.

“I am not happy with the Russian strikes on KYIV. Not necessary, and very bad timing. Vladimir, STOP! 5000 soldiers a week are dying. Lets get the Peace Deal DONE!”

so that’s the plan? to throw a big whiny hissy on a social app?

‘stop, Vlad! stop being such a meanie. Donny is getting upset!’

how fucking embarrassing. I hope you’re proud of yourselves, MAGA. you elected a flaccid wimp, and the whole world is laughing at us right now.

you fucking idiots. you got hoodwinked by a gaudy little grifter. your big, tough guy can’t accomplish shit.

somebody please point me to the chapter in the Art of the Deal where it says you win by blubbering like a colicky baby with a fresh load in its nappy.

hey, remember when Roosevelt tweeted to Hitler to stop being mean to the Jews? me neither.

what happened to the tough guy? where did he go? where’s the ornery hombre who promised that one Day One, he’d get Vladimir and Vlodymyr on the phone and start barking orders?

I, for one, am shocked that President Weak And Stupid can’t get the guy who owns him to come to the table.

imagine if Sleepy Joe had tweeted “Vladimir STOP!” — you know exactly what would have happened.

of course, Joe Biden would never have tweeted such a thing — because Joe Biden isn’t an emotional toddler who imagines that high-level foreign policy should be conducted over an app where people post cat pictures and gossip about celebrities.

this is all so fucking undignified — but fucking undignified is what we’ve come to expect from the carnival barker who tarts himself up in clownface and staples a decaying badger pelt to his forehead.

elect a clown, get a three-ring circus.

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Bret Baier is very sad right now. look at how sad.

Bret’s sad because he has to break some very bad news to his viewers: Dear Leader’s poll numbers are in the shitter.

Bret reports this news with all the solemnity generally reserved for, oh, I don’t know. the death of a pope, maybe.

“if you look at our new Fox News poll, at one hundred days, job approval compared to other presidents, you see the president at 44%, and you see his first term at 45% at this mark, the hundred day mark.”

congratulations, Donny! you broke your own record. you’re the most unpopular president since … you.

hold steady, MAGA. this is no time to go all wobbly — because Donny has a secret plan to boost his approval numbers: he’s going to whine “Rupert, STOP!”

“Rupert Murdoch has told me for years that he is going to get rid of his FoxNews, Trump Hating, Fake Pollster, but he has never done so. This ‘pollster’ has gotten me, and MAGA, wrong for years. Also, and while he’s at it, he should start making changes at the China Loving Wall Street Journal. It sucks!!!”

‘waah waah! stop being mean to me, Rupert. it sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

I, too, have a secret plan. it’s one that will get Donny to finally stop whimpering. it’s called Project Binky.

by the way, if Rupert Murdoch is really going to get of rid of his current “FoxNews, Trump Hating, Fake Pollster,” I’d like to apply for the job. to whom do I send my resume?

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meanwhile, Donny has a secret plan to end his trade war with China: he’s going to bluffoon his way through it.

for three weeks now, Team Donny has been assuring us that world leaders are falling all the fuck over each other in a mad dash to be the first to cut a trade deal with America. we know this is a lie, because Team Donny refuses to name one country currently in trade talks with us.

Team Donny finally got tired of having their bluff called by the press, and snapped.

ok, fine. you want us to name a country? ok. China. China is already in talks with us to make a deal.

China, in response, was all ‘no fucking way.’

“At present there are absolutely no negotiations on the economy and trade between China and the U.S.,” China’s Ministry of Commerce spokesperson He Yadong said earlier on Thursday.

naturally, reporters tried to get a straight answer out of Donny.

reporter: “can you clarify with whom the US is speaking with China? they’re saying it’s fake news that trade talks are happening.”

Donny: “well, they had a meeting this morning, so I can’t tell you. it doesn’t matter who ‘they’ is. we may reveal it later.”

thanks, Donny. that gibberish really clarifies things.

stop laughing at Donny, he really does have a trade representative working on a deal with China. you don’t know him. he lives up in Canada.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.