Alina Habba thought she could fake being smart. it turns out she can’t even fake being a lawyer.
yesterday was Day Two of the Yes, You Fucking Well Did Rape Her Trial and Little Ms. Dipshit was a five-alarm disaster.
it’s as if Dunning and Kruger ran a law school and Alina still managed to graduate dead last in her class.
you have to wonder, did Joey Tacopenis engineer this on purpose — did he wait until the very last minute to quit because he knew it was a sure way to humiliate Habba and get back at Trump for months of god knows what kind of mistreatment?
at any rate, a grateful nation tips its hat to you, Joey. because oh my god, what a technicolor spectacle we got.
day two opened with Alina still trying to get the trial postponed. why? because Donny wanted to — he claimed — attend the funeral of his mother-in-law, who had just fucking up and died only a few days earlier. the thing is, Judge Kaplan had already denied repeated requests for postponement. remember this, from Tuesday?
“Ms. Habba, I have heard you. I’ve considered what you have to say. And I have ruled. That’s it. In my courtroom, when a ruling is made, that’s the end, not the beginning, of the argument.”
Kaplan: “The application is denied. I will hear no further argument on it.” Habba attempted to speak. Kaplan: “None. Do you understand that word? Sit down.” Habba: “I don't like to be spoken to that way, your honor.” She continued to ask for an adjournment, at which point Kaplan cut her off again: “It’s denied. Sit down.”
holy shit, she actually fucking back-talked the judge. you just don’t do that — ever. it’s like she’s begging to be sanctioned.
by the way, this is a civil trial. Donny doesn’t have to be in attendance. he can fly all over the world and attend a hundred funerals a day if he wanted to. he’s just being an asshole and manufacturing more “injustices” he can fundraise off of.
the judge wouldn’t let me to go the funeral. it would have been the best funeral., maybe the greatest funeral of all time — and the mean judge wouldn’t let me go. so unfair. send me $25.
oh please, cry me a river. Trump doesn’t give a fuck about his mother-in-law. he couldn’t pick her out of a lineup. he probably doesn’t even know her name.
Probably the worst part of Habba’s day was when the Judge finally took pity on her inability to abide by the rules of evidence and schooled her on how to question the witness about a document, like a law professor teaching a first-year student.
It was long, and it was painful. Habba didn’t score points with the jury. And poor E. Jean Carroll will have to return to the witness stand for more of it tomorrow because Habba’s progress was so slow that she’s not yet done with cross-examination. It will continue tomorrow.
meanwhile, Trump was the star of his own little shit-show, and was a fucking nightmare to deal with.
he contined to mutter and wave his arms and pound his fist on the table when he heard anything he didn’t like, and kept up a running commentary loud enough for the jury to hear — prompting Judge Kaplan to threaten to throw him straight the fuck out of the courtroom.
“Mr. Trump has the right to be present here. That right can be forfeited and it can be forfeited if he is disruptive,” U.S. District Judge Lewis Kaplan told the former president before the trial broke for lunch Wednesday.
“Mr. Trump, I hope I don’t have to consider excluding you from the trial. I understand you are probably very eager for me to do that,” Kaplan said.
“I would love it. I would love it,” Trump responded and waved his hands.
“I know you would because you just can’t control yourself in this circumstance,” Kaplan responded.
“You can’t either,” Trump responded.
it’s absolutely true that Trump would fucking love to be barred from the trial. he could go make his whiny speeches about poor me, I’m being treated so badly, everything is rigged and oh, could he ever use it to grift off the rubes.
they won’t even let me attend my own trial, so unfair. nothing like this has never happened to anyone. send me $50.
of course none of this infantile behavior should suprise anyone. Trump is a burst trash bag of personality defects and having to play by the rules of a trial is driving him bonkers.
he’s not in control. he can’t talk back. he has to respect someone else’s authority. he can’t get up and wander around. he has to sit and listen to people say mean things about him. there are no ketchup bottles to hurl.
he’s cracking under the strain and it’s awesome — and the public is getting to see it all unfold.
it’s only going to get worse for Trump. his entire summer is going to be one trial after another — and the rules of the upcoming criminal trials will be a lot more restrictive as to what he can get away with.
eventually, he’s going to fucking snap.
keep this in mind: the Big Georgia Election Fuckery trial is going to be televised.we won’t just be reading about Trump’s tantrums — we’re going to be watching them live. with a little luck, that trial will happen just a few months before the election.
Trump’s stark barking lunacy will be on display for the whole world to see.
and a few guilty verdicts will be icing on the cake.
what the fuck is going on with Little Donny Rottyfingers?
here’s Trump arriving at the courthouse yesterday. you can’t miss the fact that he’s got about a gallon of bronzer smeared all over his unpleasant face, but also — what the fuck is going on with his hand?
(TRUMP HAND MYSTERY) Golfers in my comments—and in comments I have seen elsewhere—are ruling out golfing blisters for Trump for many reasons I find credible and accept. It seems the most likely possibilities for the frankly concerning wounds Trump has would be 1) ice burns from grabbing a metal railing, 2) syphilis/herpes-related lesions (can’t believe I’m crediting this as possible but it is and here we are), 3) cuts from having broken a glass, 4) heat burns or 5) frostbite scars. Your guess?
#SyphilisDon trended all day on not-twitter, because of course it did.
my own guess is that the befuddled old fuck put his hand on a railing while campaigning in subzero Iowa and the desiccated flesh on his freakishly undersized hand stuck to it and had to be pried off — but I’m rooting for untreated tertiary syphilis.
have at it, commenters! what do you think?
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I’m thinking the marks on his hand may be a failed attempt to apply some sort of stigmata-like wounds, because, you know #TrumpisJesus #TheGriftisforeever
It sounds like Habba got her law degree at the trump university.
I’m thinking the marks on his hand may be a failed attempt to apply some sort of stigmata-like wounds, because, you know #TrumpisJesus #TheGriftisforeever