dunk-tank clown and demented pantload lecture actual soldiers on soldiering

what the fuck was that?

so, Plastered Pete Kegstand got the WarriorEthosPallooza that he was so horny to hold. the Fox News weekend chat-show clown with zero leadership experience got up in front of eight hundred of our nation’s most-elite military brass and lectured them on how to do their jobs. no, check that. Pete lectured them on what he imagined were their jobs. he basically ordered them to be violent, lawless shitheads. perfectly normal stuff.

after which, Commander-in-Chief Bonespurs got up and blithered incoherently about whatever batshit fucknoodlery happened to be pinballing about inside his big dumb pumpkin head at the moment.

it was both terrifying and embarrassing, but what else is new with these performative fucksticks?

tell me, is it a worrisome thing if your country’s Secretary of Defense is openly lusting for death and destruction?

“a few months ago I was at the White House when President Trump announced his liberation day for America’s trade policy. it was a landmark day. well, today is another liberation day. the liberation of America’s warriors ... you kill people and break things for a living. You are not politically correct and don’t necessarily belong always in polite society.”

I’m sorry, what? kill who and break what?

what reality is Plastered Pete living in? he’s not describing the role of a professional, trained military. it sounds more like he’s recounting the premise of the next Mad Max movie.

what is Pete liberating ‘America’s warriors’ from? the fear of reprisal for committing war crimes? it sure sounds like that to me — because here’s another thing Pete said.

We unleash overwhelming and punishing violence on the enemy. We also don’t fight with stupid rules of engagement. We untie the hands of our warfighters to intimidate, demoralize, hunt, and kill the enemies of our country. No more politically correct and overbearing rules of engagement.

talk about crossing the Rubicon.

I don’t know what reaction Pete was expecting from the brass. probably something along the line of all of them punching their fists in the air and whooping ‘warfighters! warfighters! warfighters!’ in unison — but that’s not what he got. the assembled admirals and generals sat there in stunned silence.

you could read it on their faces: what the fuck is this?

the brass could not have been more confounded than if Plastered Pete had come out and started ranting about our precious bodily fluids.

but look, Pete doesn’t want just anyone out there killing baddies and fucking shit up. if you want to be an elite warfighter, you have to look the part. that’s why he’s introducing a no-fatties rule.

“it all starts with physical fitness and appearance. if the secretary of war can do regular hard PT, so can every member of our joint force. frankly, it’s tiring to look out at combat formations or really any formation and see fat troops. likewise, it’s completely unacceptable to see fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon.”

I would posit that it’s more unacceptable to see a christofascist-tattoo-festooned Fox News dunk-tank clown in the halls of the Pentagon. frankly, that’s what I find tiring — but maybe that’s just me.

I realize that military protocol prevents it, but wouldn’t you have loved to see one general stand up and ask ‘bro, aren’t you the fucknut who butt-dialed classified war plans to a reporter? isn’t not being a national security trainwreck of more importance than having your mellow harshed by the occasional presence of a fatty?’

we know that’s what this general was thinking.

Pete, by the way, does not avoid women — but he does deny them his essence.

oh, and he’s also denying them a place in his military.

“An entire generation of generals and admirals were told that they must the parrot the insane fallacy that ‘our diversity is our strength’ ... they were told females and males are the same thing.”

fuck off, ladies. there’s no room for you in This Man’s Army.

tell me, does Pete’s macho posturing make his ass look deranged?

“should our enemies choose foolishly to challenge us, they will be crushed by the violence, precision, and ferocity of the War Department. in other words, to our enemies, FAFO. if necessary, our troops can translate that for you.”

lighten the fuck up, tough guy.

who is Pete talking to? our country isn’t currently at war with anyone. who is Pete threatening? Venezuelan fishermen? are they our enemies? are dudes trying to catch fish and feed their families the ones fucking around, and in need of finding out?

hey Pete — is this you?

wow, that bottle of champagne sure fucked around and found out.

here’s the thing: general and admirals don’t need this shit. everyone sitting in that audience has more smarts and combat-readiness than the preening clown hectoring them.

and they sure as shit have a better grasp of the Geneva Conventions.

it’s so embarrassing. this guy is a weekend chat show host who Donny saw praising him on TV. that’s the only reason he’s secretary of defense. he’s in way over his head, and he has no fucking clue what he’s doing. he has neither the skill set nor emotional maturity to do his job, and he has no business telling our top military brass how to do theirs.

and for fuck’s sake, under no circumstances should Piss-Drunk Pete be telling our military that they’re not being warcrimey enough. what in the actual fuck.

when it was Commandant Bone Spurs’ turn to speak, he was not happy. he was expecting — nay, demanding — the freak-show atmosphere of one of his rallies. what he got instead was dead silence.

“I’ve never walked into a room so silent before. this is very— uh— don’t laugh, you’re not allowed to do that, heh. you know what, just have a good time. and if you want to applaud, you applaud. and if you want to do— anything you want. you can do anything you want. if you don’t like what I’m saying, you can leave the room. of course, there goes your rank, your future.”

nothing to see here, just the Mister Five Deferments threatening our nation’s military leaders. perfectly normal stuff.

now let’s listen to the military’s Commander-in-Chief as he imparts some of the knowledge he’s gleaned during his five years as their leader.

“we were not respected with Biden. they looked at him falling down stairs every day, every day, the guy’s falling down stairs. and I said, that’s not our president. we can’t have it. I’m very careful, you know, when I walk down stairs, like I’m on stairs, like these stairs, I’m very— I walk very slowly. nobody has to set a record. just, try not to fall, ’cause it doesn’t work out well. a few of our presidents have fallen, and it became a part of their legacy, you know, heh heh. walk nice and easy. you don’t have to set any records. be cool! be cool when you walk down, but don’t— don’t bop down the stairs. it’s the one thing with Obama, I had zero respect for him as a president, but he would bop down those stairs, I’ve never seen— da-da-da-da-da-da-bop-bop-bop. he would go down those stairs, he wouldn’t hold on, I said, it’s great! I don’t want to do it. I guess I could do it. but eventually bad things are going to happen — and it only takes once.”

excuse me, but WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

why is Donny yammering incoherently about Biden and Obama and stairs, in front of our nation’s top military leaders? simple answer: it’s because his brain is leaking out of his ears. Donny’s just doing what he always does: getting up there and winging it with whatever pops into his putrefying brain. it doesn’t matter who the audience is, they’re going to get the same old laundry list of imaginary accomplishments, petty grievances and pure, unadulterated batshit.

the admirals and generals got Biden and Obama and stairs, but they could have just as easily gotten sharks and batteries and Hannibal Lecter, had the raccoons that live inside Donny’s head chewed through a different set of wires.

okay, I’m starting up a new challenge. today is Day One of my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™ for the military.

the first soldier, sailor or marine who stands up and says ‘what the fuck is wrong with you’ gets to be, I don’t know, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

oh, and fact check:

listen up, shipbuilders of America, Donny has a bone to pick with you.

“and now we’re gonna do ships. and I’m not a fan of some of the ships you do. I’m a very aesthetic person and I don’t like some of the ships you’re doing, aesthetically.”

what’s wrong with our ships, honcho? not enough gold filigree bullshit on them? why don’t you call up Qatar and ask them if they have any vulgar gold-plated bordello-boats they can gift you, so you can paddle about the Potomac in Water Force One. yeah, wouldn’t that be awesome as fuck?

I’m just going to leave this image here for no particular reason.

come on, Donny. you’re speaking to a roomful of military leaders. how about sticking to the subject? how about saying something about, oh, I don’t know, military readiness?

“I told Pete we should use some of these dangerous cities as training grounds for our military.”

oh Jesus, I’m sorry I asked. I guess we just found out who Pete was talking to, when he warned his enemies not to fuck around.

us — Americans.

as always, perfectly normal stuff.

I’m sorry, but fuck off. I know Donny’s not big on consent, but I do not consent to being used for target practice.

here’s a question that Piss-Drunk Pete and Commandant Bone Spurs really need to be asking themselves: ‘are we the baddies?’

look, this is all scary shit — so here’s AOC to talk us all down off the ledge.

“I think there’s two things that are happening at once: one, there absolutely is an unprecedented abuse of power, destruction of norms, erosion of our government and our democracy in order to prop up an authoritarian style of governance however, they are weaker than they look, and it is important that we remember that because what they rely on is the impression of power, the perception of inevitability in us giving up in advance. Donald Trump is at record levels of unpopularity in his tenure. the Republican house is at record levels of unpopularity. they are underwater across the board and they know it. and that is causing them to double down in public. but it is backfiring. that is why whether it’s a shutdown, whether it’s all of this, they want us to blink first and we have too much to save.”

steady on, folks. we will get through this.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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