Dozy Donny, FBI super-snitch working the Dead Pedo Bestie Squad

also: Dear Leader gets booed and falls fast asleep at the US Open

we’ve heard a lot of bullshit excuses crawl out of the mouths of Donny Convict, his administration, and the entire Republican Party, as to why they won’t release the entire Epstein Files.

‘we don’t know where they are, they were here just a minute ago,’ ‘Pam Bondi’s dog ate the files,’ Pam Bondi’s dog is in the files,’ ‘the whole thing is a hoax written by Joe Biden’s autopen,’ and, of course, my favorite excuse, ‘SQUIRREL!’

but now we have a whole new rationale for why they won’t release the files: ‘we don’t have to. we’ve got a man on the inside.’

“[Donny] was an FBI informant, to try to take this stuff down.”

holy shit, look how completely rattled House Speaker Holy Mike Johnson gets when he’s asked about Dear Leader’s dead pedo bestie. he’s all nervous and fidgety, talking a mile a minute. in that moment, cornered by reporters asking uncomfortable questions, he literally morphs into Martin Short’s sweaty lawyer character, Nathan Thurm.

but wait, Dear Leader was an FBI informant? that’s the story Holy Mike’s going with?

fact check:

“I have rep’d FBI informants, as well as agents. This is real easy to prove because Trump’s name would be in 302 and other reports. There are document policies that apply to informants.”

‘Donny’s an informant’ was such a dumbfuck thing for Holy Mike to blurt out — because one common way to become an FBI informant is to get caught doing a crime, and then agree to rat on your accomplices in return for leniency. so is that what you’re saying, Mike? that Donny was guilty of the same sick shit his dead pedo bestie was getting up to, and he got caught?

also: come on — if Donny were an FBI informant, don’t you think he’d have bragged about it by now? of course he would have. Donny can’t shut the fuck up about anything. he would have spent the last two decades yammering about how he knows more about FBI informing than all the FBI informerators.

he would have pestered the FBI until they gave him a fake badge to wave around, just as the needy fuckwit actually did last month, with the US Marshal Service.

President Trump was given an honorary U.S. Marshals badge at his executive order press conference on Monday, once again displaying how easily impressed he is by meaningless gifts.

what a child. what an utter fucking embarrassment. you know, I didn’t even know about this badge story. it flew completely under my radar. I just googled “donald trump flashing a badge” to see if anything came up — and sure enough, I hit paydirt.

no matter the situation, you can always count on Donny Convict to be as small and needy as possible.

hey, I have a question for Holy Mike: the sexy nurse, was she in on it, too? was she also an informerista for the FBI?

A one-time friend of Jeffrey Epstein has laid bare the extraordinary way he tried to impress Donald Trump.

Epstein suggested that she and her friend, who introduced them, both wear white dresses and come with him to Trump Tower.

“Why don’t we both go over to Donald’s and you both look like nurses, and I’ll just knock on the door and we’ll go to Trump Tower and it’ll be hilarious,” she recalled him saying.

hilarious, indeed. what a cut-up. what a card.

have Donny and his dead pedo bestie ever done anything in their entire degenerate lives was that wasn’t creepy as fuck? it’s like their whole lives revolved around being as sleazy as possible, every second of the day.

here’s Thomas Massie, to ask the obvious question that’s been on everyone’s lips.

“if it’s a hoax, why was Donald Trump an informant to a hoax?”

bingo.

oh look, Holy Mike got tired of spending the entire weekend as a national joke, and he’s now ‘backing off.’

On Sunday, his office released a statement modifying that claim.

“The Speaker is reiterating what the victims’ attorney said, which is that Donald Trump — who kicked Epstein out of Mar-a-Lago — was the only one more than a decade ago willing to help prosecutors expose Epstein for being a disgusting child predator,” the statement from Johnson’s office read.

‘backing off a claim,’ sure is a genteel way of saying that Mike Johnson lied.

so, Holy Mike was just blowing smoke up our asses, and Donny was never a super-spy working undercover with law enforcement.

you don’t think that Holy Mike knows that? it’s so funny that you don’t think Holy Mike knows that.

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hey, you wanna see a boorish asshole act like a boorish asshole?

reporter: “you said you were going to war with Chicago.”
Donny: “when you say that, darling, it’s fake news.”
reporter “why [unintelligible] Department of Defense?”
Donny: “listen. be quiet. listen. you don’t listen. you never listen. that’s why you’re second rate.”

ugh. do you know who that reporter was, who Donny leaned in and condescendingly called ‘darling’?

Yamiche Alcindor, who currently works for PBS — and who also happens to be a black woman.

our Racist-in-Chief sure has a problem with black women, doesn’t he?

Donny’s classless display of assholery really would have been a perfect moment for Yamiche Alcindor to have won my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™, which is now in its 1,987th day.

she would have been completely justified in doing so.

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so, Donny went to the US Open men’s finals, and championship organizers tried really really hard to keep Dear Leader from getting the merciless booing he deserved — but it didn’t work.

But when he was shown on the video screens, fans unleashed a loud round of mostly boos, with some cheers mixed in. The president was on the screens only briefly as he stood and saluted. After the first set, he was shown on the screens again, and that time was met with louder, more sustained booing, as well as some cheers.

let’s all enjoy thirty seconds of sustained booing as Donny’s big dumb pumpkin face shows up on the jumbo-tron.

so, Donny — aside from all the booing, how are you liking the match? Donny? Donny? hello?

oh dear, the narcoleptic old fart factory has fallen fast asleep, and is filling Arthur Ashe Stadium with the pungent aroma of ass music.

I guess that explains why Pam Bondi, down there in the lower left, is trying so hard to slither the fuck away.

Marco Rubio knows just what you’re going through, Pam. he’s been there.

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here are your heroes of the day: Gavin Newsom’s comms team. they actually called JD Vance “couch boy.”

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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