Donny Demento melts all the way down in deranged Motel-a-Lago presser

and quite predictably, the media cleans up the mess

Aug 09, 2024

poor Little Donny Fuckface. life sucks right now for the world’s neediest attention-hog.

while that nasty Kamala Harris barnstorms across the country, generating excitement everywhere she goes, he’s been holed up in his dilapidated Florida golf motel.

no one knows why Donny’s been doing only one campaign rally a week. is the deteriorating coot too old and tired? is his campaign broke? are his handlers keeping him out of sight, for fear that their demented boss will shit himself in public — again?

if it’s the handlers, then Donny outfoxed them yesterday — because there’s one thing they can’t control: what goes on inside Motel-a-Lago.

yesterday, out of the clear blue, Donny announced a surprise press conference. ha ha! if he can’t travel to do a hate-rally, he’ll hold one in his vermin-infested ballroom — and get free wall-to-wall coverage at the same time. predictably, the media fell for it.

so. how did it go?

the good news is that Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants is no longer a raving lunatic.

the bad news is that he’s is now a mumbling, shambling lunatic.

Donny’s brain has gone fuckity-bye. gape in awe as a deteriorating dotard struggles to form coherent sentences.

“she’s a radical left-tt-person at a level that nobody’s seen. she picked a radical left … uhhh … man … that is … uhhh … he’s got things done that he’s … he has positions that are just not, it’s not even possible to believe that they exist … uhhh … he’s going for things that nobody’s ever … even heard of. heavy into the transgender world, heavy into lots of different worlds.”

it’s moments like these where I wish we had a media that would do its fucking job and ask follow-up questions. let’s set aside the word salad for now, and focus on what Donny is trying to convey here.

Tim Walz is “heavy into the transgender world” — what does that even mean?

is Tim a fan? is he collecting transgender trading cards? has he asked Caitlin Jenner for an autographed photo? or — is Donny accusing Tim of participating?

wouldn’t you have liked to see the next reporter Donny called on ask sir! sir! can you explain what you mean by ‘the transgender world’?

the incoherent gibberish that would have tumbled out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth would have been spectacular. doesn’t the public have a right to watch Donny’s brain leak out of his ears on live television?

one thing that’s really getting under Commander Crazypants’ skin is how Kamala’s crowds are larger than his. his whole notion of self-worth is wrapped up in how popular he appears to be at any given moment.

“I’ve spoken to the biggest crowds. nobody’s spoken to crowds bigger than me. if you look at Martin Luther King, when he uh did his speech, his great speech, and you look at ours, same real estate, same everything, same number of people, if not we had more. and they said he had a million people and I had twenty-five thousand people. but if you look at the exact same picture, and everything’s the same because the fountains, the whole thing all the way back to uh from Lincoln to Washington, and you look at it, and you look at the picture, of his crowd, my crowd, we actually had more people.”

where do you even start with this narcissistic nonsense?

yeah, no.

now, listen to the guy who apparently knows more about economics than all the economists.

“I had one percent inflation. I had actually no inflation because if you look at the categories, we had just about no inflation. but I had a very minor, I actually had a positive inflation, it was a perfect number, ‘cause you don’t want zero. I mean I’m not going to give you a whole course on economics.”

put a fucking sock in it, Donny — you bankrupted casinos. you don’t know shit about shit. ‘positive inflation’ is when prices go up, numbskull, so why are you bragging about it?

the only reason some prices went down during Donny’s administration was because we were all hunkered down in our homes, for fear of dying of the raging pandemic whose response he mismanaged.

oh look, a reporter actually did their job and asked Donny an uncomfortable question.

reporter: “Kamala Harris’ father is Jamaican and she went to a historically Black college. how is she only recently decided to be black?”

Donny: “well, you’ll have to ask her that question because she’s the one that said it. I didn’t say it. so you’ll have to ask her. and I very much appreciate that question but you’ll have to ask her … to me it doesn’t matter, but to her, from her standpoint, it’s very disrespectful. I think it’s really disrespectful to both, really.”

nice misdirection. don’t ask, me I’m the not one who brought it up. yes you did, Donny. we all heard you.

do you imagine that Donny truly doesn’t understand how biraciality works? maybe he can get JD Vance to explain how his children can be both Indian and werewolf. maybe that will help.

look at it this way, Donny: it’s possible for Kamala Harris to be both Indian and Black in the same way that it’s possible for you to be both a rapist and a racist.

capische?

by the way, whatever happened to the “focused Trump” that Lindsey Graham promised us?

because Uncle Dipshit rambled like this for ninety minutes. it got so bad that Ari Fleischer — usually a reliable Trump toady — was practically begging Donny to shut the fuck up.

I disagree. Donny should be holding crazypants pressers for as long as he wants, every single day from here to November.

now, not to sound like a broken record or anything, but can the New York Times please just fuck off already.

actually, the entire media is guilty of this — the Times is just leading the way.

if you watched the press conference with your own two eyes, you saw a deranged zoo monkey spend an hour and a half hurling its own feces — but if you read about it in the papers, or watched the cable coverage, you got a sanitized, cleaned-up, normalized version of Donny that doesn’t exist in the real world.

Joe Biden had one terrible debate and the media hounded him for a solid month about being too old and icky and decrepit until he ended his campaign.

doesn’t Donny’s obvious cognitive collapse deserve the same scrutiny? doesn’t it merit pages and pages of coverage in The New York Times — and every other newspaper across America?

it’s fucking maddening.

at the same time Donny was crapping the bed in Florida, Kamala and Tim were speaking to the United Auto Workers Union.

Kamala gave a barn-burner of a speech.

“isn’t that what we’re talking about in this here election? we’re saying we just want fairness. we want dignity for all people.”

So did Tim.

“Trump claims he doesn’t know anything about who is behind his Project 2025. he just flies on private jets with them. you know what Project 2025 wants to do? it wants to get rid of labor unions.”

these speeches were virtually ignored by the press — they were too busy gratefully kissing the hem of Donny’s garment to notice.

let’s go out on a high note — because oh my god, somebody made a Downfall video where Hitler melts down because JD Vance is such a toxic running mate. here, enjoy it in all its glory.