Donald Trump’s lawyers shit the bed — and then set it on fire

defense witness Robert Costello is a fucking disaster

it’s always fun to watch a Trump lawyer at work, because you know that supreme clownfuckery can break out at any moment.

you see, Trump lawyers don’t get make their own decisions about how to do their job. nope, they have an abject moron for a client — one who believes that he knows more about lawyering than all the lawyers. so they have to sit and listen as their addle-brained client rants and raves about you fucking idiots, you need to be attacking the judge and witnesses more. here, let me tell you what to say — and also here, put this guy on the stand, he’s going to win it for us.

all this has resulted in one courtroom disaster after another, and sure enough, late yesterday afternoon, Trump’s lawyers pointed guns at their own feet — and pulled the trigger until it went click.

it all happened because Trump ordered his lawyers to call Robert Costello to the stand.

Costello — a Trump hanger-on who had served as a legal advisor to both Michael Cohen and Rudy Colludy — was there to testify that Michael Cohen is a poopy-head who sucks all ass, and also is a lying liar who lies about everything. what Costello did instead was to pour gasoline all over his own credibility and set a match to it.

during the defense’s questioning of Costello, the prosecution naturally raised a number of objections. with each sustained objection, Costello grew ever more irritated with Judge Merchan — shaking his head, muttering, and rolling his eyes, until finally —

COSTELLO (muttering with exasperation): JESUS
MERCHAN (LEANS OVER): “I’M SORRY?!”

holy shit! Costello violated the Prime Directive: don’t piss off the judge. Merchan was all earth to dumb-ass: shut the fuck up.

Merchan then told the jury to step out.

Judge Merchan is ANGRY:

MERCHAN ASKS FOR THE JURY TO STEP OUT 

MERCHAN: “I’d like to discuss proper decorum in my courtroom”
MERCHAN: “If you don’t like my ruling, you don’t say ‘Jeez’”
MERCHAN: You don’t say “strike it” because I’m the only one who can strike it. MERCHAN: “You don’t give me side eye and you don’t roll your eyes”
COSTELLO:   I understand.

Merchan then cleared the entire courtroom.

What happened inside the courtroom when the press was kicked out as Judge Merchan admonished Robert Costello:
Judge Merchan: “Sir, your conduct is contemptuous right now. I'm putting you on notice that your conduct is contemptuous. If you try to stare me down one more time, I will remove you from the stand.”
[to Trump’s lawyer]: “I will strike his entire testimony; do you understand me?”
[Trump lawyer] MR. BOVE: “Yes, Judge. I understand.”
When Costello asked if he could say something, Merchan said: “No. No. This is not a conversation.”

now, the jury saw none of this. but they did see Costello’s boorish behavior, and they watched him trigger the Judge’s ire — and when they were called back into the courtroom, the jury definitely saw this.

Costello is so red in the face he resembles a strawberry

putting Costello on the stand was a fucking disaster for Trump — a disaster that everyone could see coming a mile away.

Huge mistake for the defense to call Robert Costello to the stand. The jurors won’t be able to unsee what happened with the judge. Reportedly, the defense lawyers knew better, but gave in to their client’s wishes.

the thing is, Costello is both a lawyer and a former prosecutor. he knows better than to act like a dick in front of a judge. but Costello wasn’t there to win over the judge, or the jury. he was there to please the boss. all the drama and yelling, Trump fucking loves that shit. to him, that’s what winning looks like — because as always, Donald Trump has a toddler’s understanding of how the world works.

Costello gave Donny one more thing to whine about to the cameras, and that’s what matters most.

Trump shortly ago: “You saw what happened to a highly respected lawyer today, Bob Costello. Wow.” Costello is a witness. Trump’s gag order bars him from “making ... public statements about known or reasonably foreseeable witnesses.”

take another look at Costello. he’s like a mob lawyer from central casting. Trump probably fell in love with the guy at first glance.

here’s another fun fact about Bob Costello. he’s the lawyer who’s suing Rudy Colludy to the tune of $1.3 million for unpaid bills. so yeah, all these people basically deserve each other.

that’s the thing that stuns you as you watch this trial: all these people fucking suck. everyone in Trump’s orbit is a complete sleazeball. his lawyers, his accountants, his friends, his family — the whole lot of them, they’re all the most unpleasant pieces of shit you’ll hope to never encounter.

and the biggest sleazeball of them all is Little Donny Fuckface.

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the Lord Buttstench Cosplayers put in their daily appearance at the trial. yesterday’s cast of characters included Who Even Cares Any More Who They Were. just know that they all tarted themselves up in a blue suit and red tie —

and that were drowned out by New Yorkers shouting “no one cares what you want, bro” and “you’re shilling for a rapist.”

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and oh look — another day, another New York Times media atrocity.

as is his wont, Donald Trump spent much of the day slumped in his chair, fast asleep, as the fragrance of stale hamburger farts filled the courtroom. so how did the Grey Lady report on all this narcoleptic pungency?

see? Trump wasn’t sleeping. he was just resting his beautiful blue eyes.

I think the Times is just trolling us now.

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oh, and breaking news, just as I’m finishing writing this post:

Donald Trump has declined to testify at his trial. Brave Sir Donald ran away. fucking coward.

the defense rests, and Judge Merchan has adjourned the trial until after the Memorial Day weekend. closing arguments will be heard next Tuesday.