Donald Trump’s ace team of parking garage lawyers have laid out their defense. here’s why it’s doomed to fail

Judge Chutkan is nobody’s fool

John Lauro, the lead lawyer for Trump’s Jan 6 case, has been all over the news lately. in an interview on NPR, he laid out what he calls the five pillars of Trump’s defense. let’s have a look.

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1. but Trump needs more time

While Smith said he will push for a speedy trial, Lauro is signaling the opposite. He is emphasizing the complexity of the case, which took two-and-a-half years to put together, and the enormous amount of time it will take to interview witnesses and sift through the thousands of pages of documents the government will soon hand over.

yeah, no.

slowing it down has always been the first tool out of Trump’s box. delay delay delay. put up every roadblack. challenge every decision. in a civil trial, Trump’s goal is to wear down his opponent until they give up or run out of money.

the ultimate goal in the Jan 6 trial, of course, is to delay it past the 2024 election — and make it go away should Trump retake power.

delay tactics are not going to work this time. Judge Chutkan is nobody’s fool, and she’s already shown that she has no patience for any of Trump’s bullshit.

this trial is going to zip along at a pace that will make Trump’s big dumb pumpkin head spin.

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2. but it’s a political witch hunt

Lauro, following Trump’s lead, wants U.S. District Court Judge Tanya Chutkan to take into consideration the fact that Trump is a candidate and likely GOP nominee.

yeah, no.

this is not a legal strategy. this is a Fox News strategy. whining (and lying) about “Biden going after his political opponent” is red meat for the redhats, but has no place in a courtroom.

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3. but Trump’s freedom of speech!

“And this is the first time in the history of the United States where a sitting administration is criminalizing speech against a prior administration.”

yeah, fuck no. a thousand times, fuck no.

ok, everyone’s been all over this one already. I wrote a whole thing about why it’s bullshit.

but just to boil it down into one sentence: yes, every American has the right to free speech, but once you’ve used that speech to defraud someone or convince them to conspire to break the law, you’ve crossed the line into criminal activity.

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4a. but Trump really believed he won the 2020 election

“What we will argue to the jury, and we’ll win, is that President Trump was arguing for the truth to come out in that election cycle rather than the truth to be denied.”

yeah, no.

so fucking what if Donald Trump really believes he won the election?

to take this silly argument to its most reductive end, you can’t rob a bank because you really believe that the money is yours.

and even if something that is really yours is taken from you, you can’t break the law to get it back. remember OJ Simpson? he did years in prison for doing exactly that.

4b. but Trump’s lawyers said he could

A corollary to this is what Lauro has described as an advice of counsel defense, with Trump trying to prove there was no corrupt intent because he was simply relying on legal advice from lawyers such as Eastman.

yeah, no. but nice try.

‘advice of counsel’ is a great strategy, except for the part where all of your lawyers are also your co-conspirators — and in the particular case of Eastman, have already admitted that what they’re doing is a crime.

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5. but Trump can’t get a fair trial in DC

“We’re looking for a more diverse area that has a more balanced political jury pool,” he told NPR. “You know, the country is very, very divided politically right now, this is a very divisive indictment. It goes to issues of free speech and political activity. So, we’re looking for a jury that will be more balanced. And West Virginia was a state that was more evenly divided. And we’re hoping for a jury that doesn’t come with any implicit or explicit bias or prejudice. So it makes sense to go to a place like West Virginia.”

yeah, no.

I wrote a thing yesterday about why this is racist dogwhistle bullshit.

fun fact: several of the already-convicted Jan 6 insurrectionists tried to pull this “I can’t get a fair trial in DC” tactic with Judge Chutkan. it didn’t work then, and it’s not going to work when Trump tries it.

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each of these defenses is weak and laughable and will be easily batted down in court.

unfortunately for Trump’s lawyers, their client is a super-fucking-guilty clownshoes insurrectionist dipshit who doesn’t have one legal leg to stand on.