Donald Trump was found liable for rape. Republicans don’t care because Republicans fucking suck

Trump gets a free pass for anything and everything, so long as they can cling to power

during the Trump presidency, elected Republicans had this bit of kabuki they used to do: Little Donny Fuckface would say or do something horrific — something that would make all the newspapers and cable shows — and they would profess total ignorance. oh what? no, I didn’t see that. I don’t know anything about it, they’d say, as they sprinted through the halls of Congress, trying to get the fuck away from the cameras as fast as possible.

now, during the era of Accountability At Long Fucking Last, they have a new thing: Donny gets nailed for shitting the bed, and suddenly bedshitting is a virtue.

what, he swiped classified documents? well of course he did, why is that a problem?

what, he tried to overthrow his own government? what’s wrong with that?

what, he was found liable for rape? look, shit happens.

the media has been putting the how do you feel about Trump being a rapist question to GOP lawmakers all week long, and the answers have run the gamut from he did what? to so what if he did.

check out Tim Scott on ABC This Week teaching a master class in deflection.

Martha Raddatz: “your candidate, former president Trump, was ordered by a jury to pay $83 million for defaming writer E. Jean Carroll. he was also found, before, as you know, liable for sexual abuse. does that give you any pause in your support?”
Tim Scott: “myself and all the voters that support Donald Trump support a return to normalcy as it relates to what affects their kitchen table.”

holy shit, what a non-answer. Tim sounds like he’s bluffing his way through a book report for a book he didn’t read.

this guy wants so badly to be Trump’s veep that he’s convinced the woman who is pretending to be his girlfriend to pretend to be his wife — no way is he going to fuck up his chances by denouncing a rapist.

(later in this clip, Scott smears Hunter Biden with unfounded accusations, to which Raddatz gives no push-back, but that’s a journalistic atrocity for another post.)

here’s Elise Stefanik, another vice presidential hopeful, managing to call E. Jean a liar and blame the media at the same time.

(note: the audio in this clip is abysmal, so rather than do my own transcription, I’m going to reproduce the text in the original tweet.)

“Do you believe E. Jean Carroll?” @VaughnHillyard asks Elise Stefanik.
Stefanik: “No, of course not… The media is so biased. This is just another example of the media being out of touch.”
Vaughn: “It’s not the media, it’s a jury that found he sexually abused E. Jean Carroll.”

spoiler alert: Elise Stefanik is a horrible person.

come on, Elise. you’re never going to be veep, so stop trying so hard to suck up. Former Fuck can’t even be bothered to learn your name. have you heard what he calls you? “Steppanack.”

Nikki Haley gets it half right, admitting that Donald Trump is a raping rapist who rapes, but she doesn’t think that should disqualify him.

“I absolutely trust the jury, and I think that they made their decision based on the evidence. I just don’t think that should take [Trump] off the ballot. I think the American people will take him off the ballot.”

Niks is trying so hard here, as always, is to skate that fine line between criticizing Trump and not pissing off the MAGA base.

news flash for Haley: MAGA is never going to vote for you. never. in fact, right now on twitter, they’re climbing all over you just for saying that you “trust the jury.”

Oklahoma Senator James Lankford went on Face the Nation to speak for Every Fucking Republican Everywhere.

Margaret Brennan: “he was ordered to pay $83m to a person that a jury found he defamed after a separate jury found he sexually assaulted her. does it give you any pause about him returning to office?”
James Lankford: “it doesn’t.”

there you have it. two words that sum up how every Republican feels.

it doesn’t matter what Trump does. steal nuclear secrets and brag about it to golf cronies? who cares. try to overturn an election? ho-hum. profit off the presidency? big deal. cuddle up to despots and weaken our allies? no biggie.

rape E. Jean Carroll? look over there — a squirrell!

Trump gets a free pass for anything and everything, so long as they can cling to power.

as for the MAGA ground troops — forget about them. they’re lost forever. nothing Dear Leader ever does is wrong. that’s how being in a cult works.

these people think rape is hilarious.

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speaking of Trump’s veepstakes, I heard a great theory the other day. I can’t for the life of me remember who said it, so apologies to whoever I’m not crediting here.

it goes like this:

Little Donny Two-Scoops, the broken-inside narcissist who throws a shit-fit if he doesn’t get the most ice cream, is not going to give up valuable space on banners and bumper stickers to someone with a longer name than his.

if you subscribe to this theory, then it makes total sense for image-obsessed Trump to have picked Mike Pence in 2016. Trump/Pence. five letters each. perfect. and Donald is longer than Mike. doubly perfect.

looking at the current crop of hopefuls, that eliminates Elise Steppawhosis right off the bat. way too fucking long a name. but you know who does fit the bill?

Tim Scott.

of course, picking a VP just because his name doesn’t threaten yours is the stupidest fucking reason in the world, but when has Trump ever done something smart?

you heard it here first.

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meanwhile, this unknown Facebooker in Texas is this close to getting it. does anyone want to tell him?

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note: as I sit here writing this piece, big strong men with tears in their eyes — and also with chainsaws — are taking down a neighbor’s tree. any typos and poorly-constructed sentences in this post are their fault.