Donald Trump is still a menace to democracy

not one fucking thing has changed

Republicans are shoving a big stinky shit sandwich into our faces right now and expecting us to gobble it right down.

it’s your fault this happened, they’re telling us. you created a hostile environment. if you hadn’t been talking about how Dear Leader is a menace to democracy, this would have never happened. there can be no criticism of Dear Leader, for now and forever.

bull fucking shit. I doubt this dweeby little Republican incel got the idea to open fire on Donny Convict from watching Rachel Maddow.

wouldn’t it be nice if our feckless corporate-controlled media could grow a pair and finally tell the Republicans to go fuck themselves?

instead, the press has lost its fucking mind. they’re in complete surrender mode right now.

yesterday, MSNBC pulled Morning Joe off the air. the reason? pure sniveling cowardice.

A person familiar with the matter told CNN that the decision was made to avoid a scenario in which one of the show’s stable of two dozen-plus guests might make an inappropriate comment on live television that could be used to assail the program and network as a whole. Given the breaking news nature of the story, the person said, it made more sense to continue airing rolling breaking news coverage in the fraught political moment.

they come right out and admit it. someone might say something mean about Donny Convict and then the Republicans will be all mad at us.

seriously, this is what MSNBC is afraid of? Republican wrath? this is a loser’s game. the GOP is going to feign outrage no matter what the media does. they’ve been ‘working the refs’ for sixty years now, and the press takes the bait every single time. will they never learn?

Comedy Central also pulled Jon Stewart off the air.

“The Daily Show will not broadcast on Monday… but we’ll be back up Tuesday through Thursday from our NYC studio,” reads the official statement posted on social media on Sunday. “Our apologies for the inconvenience, but due to logistical issues and the evolving situation in Milwaukee, we need to reschedule our events on the ground in Wisconsin and will look to make those up in the coming weeks.”

“logistical issues”? really? that’s what we’re going with?

what is Comedy Central so scared of? Jon Stewart is no longer cutting-edge comedy, and he’s always been a both-sides guy. he probably would have used his air time Monday to go after Joe Biden for having the temerity to criticize Donny Convict.

oh no, wait, Lester Holt got there first.

“you called your opponent an ‘existential threat’ on a call a week ago. you said ‘it’s time to put Trump in the bullseye.’”

come on, we’re going to pin the blame on Joe Biden because of a thing he said on a phone call? was Little Tommy Crooks listening in, and that’s why he swiped his daddy’s assault rifle and climbed up onto that rooftop? really?

the press pretends otherwise, but Donny Convict is an existential threat. he’s promising to end America as we know it and replace it with the fascist reign of King Fuckface the First. Joe Biden is right to respond to Holt with ‘how do you not talk about that?’

“I’m not the guy who said he'd be a dictator on day one.... how do you talk about the threat to democracy when it is real?... just not say something?”

meanwhile, the worthless scribblers of the press keep falling all the fuck over each other in a mad dash to see who can fellate Donny the hardest.

all through Donny’s presidency, the media worked overtime to convince us that Trump would “grow into the office” and magically become “presidential.” any time that Donny stopped short of pulling out his dick and waving it around, the press would swoon and declare that “this was the moment Donald Trump became president.”

they did it so often that it became a punchline.

now the press has upped the ante. they desperately want to convince you that the attempted assassination was the moment Donald Trump became a human being.

“Imagine he gave a speech featuring something he rarely shows: humility,” they wrote. “Imagine him telling the nation that he has been too rough, too loose, too combative with his language — and now realizes words can have consequences, and promises to tone it down and bring new voices into the White House if he wins.”

oh, for fuck’s sake, you gullible rubes — thinking Donny is going to change is the dumbest fantasy ever.

“imagine” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in this Axios column. we can imagine a lot of things. we can imagine Donny becoming humble. we can also imagine an entire flock of technicolor pigs flying out of my ass, because it’s just as likely that will happen, too.

can we please dispense with this “Donny got shot in the face” thing? being used as target practice is a harrowing experience for sure, but come on. Donny got grazed on the tip of his ear. that’s not “in the face” by any stretch of the imagination.

and we’re hearing a lot of bullshit about unity.

“The speech I was going to give on Thursday was going to be a humdinger,” Trump said as he boarded his flight en route to the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee. “Honestly, it’s going to be a whole different speech now.”

“It is a chance to bring the country together. I was given that chance,” Trump added.

you dumb-asses in the media are falling for it once again.

listen up, stupids: here’s what Donny means by unity:

every American should come together and vote for me so I can become a day one dictator and get away with doing all the crimes. anyone who doesn’t vote for me will have to deal with my Secretary of Retribution.

but sure, media — keep trying to kick that football. I’m sure Donny will finally hold it for you next time.

I have to give Donny credit for one thing: the guy sure knows how to play the media. check out how God’s Own Avatar on Earth made his appearance at the Republican convention last night.

Donny wrapped his ear in some clownishly oversized gauze and the press fucking exploded with rapturous applause. “sir! sir! no one has ever shined so brightly in the face of such adversity.”

New York Times.

CNN.

Wall Street Journal.

guys, I just got off the phone with North Korean State Television. they said to tone down the hero worship, you’re embarrassing yourselves.

you’ll never guess what happened when Bandage McGrazedear finally made it to his seat: the narcoleptic old fuck dozed off.

aww, poor old Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants — he’s a Very Special Boy who had a Very Special Day and now he’s just all tuckered out.

---

friends, nothing in this equation has changed. Donny was a menace to democracy before he got shot in the face was grazed on the ear, and he’s still a menace to democracy. don’t be cowed by the GOP’s see what you did? bullshit.

it’s our patriotic duty to keep speaking out. everyone must understand what’s at stake in this election.

America as we know it is on the line.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.