Donald Trump is a chickenshit coward

bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk!

Little Donny Fuckface is tougher than nails. he’s tougher than tough. in fact, he’s the toughest tough guy in the world.

at least, that’s the picture he paints. Trump never shuts the fuck up about his legendary feats of sports prowess. he loves to run his stupid mouth about how much he wants to beat up Joe Biden.

pay no attention to the fact that Donny needed to hold a general’s hand as he gingerly picked his way down a gentle ramp — Trump would rather you believe that he is the apex of masculinity.

remember when he bragged that he would rush into a school to single-handedly disarm an active shooter? as if Donny’s heart wouldn’t fucking explode if he tried to run more than three feet in any direction.

the pathetic reality is that Donny is a soft pudgy chickenshit coward who just chickened out on testifying today at the Big Trump Family Fraud Fuckery Trial.

bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk! bawk!

yesterday afternoon, Trump took to his failing under-investigation-for-securities-fraud app and vomited out another of his all-caps batshit rants:

this, after ethically-challenged ace parking garage lawyer Alina Habba had promised the exact opposite.

“he is so firmly against what is happening in this courthouse, and so firmly for the old America that we know — not this America — that he will take that stand on Monday. he will open himself up to whatever they want, because he’s not afraid. people that are afraid cower. president Trump doesn’t cower. we’ll be back on Monday.”

cowering cowerer says what?

gee, it’s hard to believe that the guy who dodged the draft by paying a quack doctor to gin up a bullshit note about imaginary bone spurs won’t defend himself under oath.

why would Donny chicken the fuck out in the waning days of his trial?

Mary Trump offers this explanation:

I asked legal expert Joe Gallina why he thought Donald “changed his mind” about testifying. His answer sounds about right:

“With the gag order back in place, there is no way Donald’s testimony wouldn’t have landed him in jail.

“He would have attacked the court, he would have done exactly what he was told he couldn’t do, and he would have faced Engoron’s wrath,” Gallina predicted. And, of course, there’s an even bigger reason . . . The last time Donald was on the stand, he made a lot of questionable claims that damaged his case.”

and so Brave Sir Donny ran away.

too bad for you, son. running for cover won’t stop what’s coming. you’ve already been found liable for a metric fuck-ton of fraud. you’ve already had your business certificates canceled. you’re going to have to dissolve your corporation. all that remains is for Judge Engoron to decide how much of your ill-gotten gains must be paid back.

chew on that.

pictured: tough guy

the Georgia Big Election Fuckery Trial can’t come soon enough. it’s a criminal trial, so Trump will have to be in the courtroom every day. he can’t wimp out on testifying. and — this is the best part — it’s going to be televised.

we’ll get to see all of Trump’s personality disorders in full bloom … the moaning and sighing, the muttering, the fidgeting, the glowering, the bursts of impotent rage.

we’re going to get to watch Donny melt straght the fuck down day after day.

it will be delicious.

America’s stores won’t be able to keep enough popcorn in stock.

in the meantime, you fucking coward, keep hiding out in your deteriorating vermin-infested Florida golf motel.

consequences are coming.