cowardly dipshit Donald Trump already trying to back out of debating Joe Biden

Donny glitches out at two rallies this weekend

Little Donny Fuckface is a coward.

to hear Donny tell it, he’s the bravest person who ever lived. he never stops boasting about how he would have run into a school to single-handedly take down an active shooter.

in reality he’s a craven chicken who goes out his way to avoid a fight.

let’s take Trump’s famous catchphrase from when he was a failed game show host: “you’re fired.” what a tough, fearsome boss, right? well, that a character he plays on TV. in real life, Trump doesn’t have the guts to fire anyone to their face. he’ll do it by tweet, or he’ll get some flunky to break the bad news.

bawk bawk!

when Trump wanted to weasel out of serving his country, did he bravely burn his draft card and risk prison time, as did so many men of his age? of course he fucking didn’t. he begged his daddy to find some quack doctor to gin up a bullshit note about imaginary bone spurs.

when protestors gathered outside the White House, Trump cowered in a basement bunker, refusing to come out until the police cleared the streets.

this self-styled tough guy has never done one brave thing in his life — which is why it’s totally fucking unsurprising that after agreeing to debate Joe Biden ANYTIME ANYWHERE ANYPLACE, he’s now looking for a way out.

bawk! bawk!

check out Commander Chickenheart, at a hate-rally two days ago.

“I just want to debate this guy but, you know, and I’m gonna, I’m gonna demand a drug test.”

aaaaannnnnd there we go — search for a pretext over which to back out of debating has begun.

because he’s an impulsive dingus who acts first and thinks never, Donny got outmaneuvered into agreeing to debates with no audience, and with moderators being able to turn microphones on and off at will. Donny doesn’t want any of that shit. Donny wants an adoring audience to play off of. he wants to be able to never stop talking, even when it’s Biden turn. Donny needs to be able to filibuster, and to shout down everyone else — chaos is his whole brand. a normal, well-run and orderly debate would be death to Donny — and so an off-ramp must be found.

you could hear the wheels grinding in Donny’s rat-infested head as he spoke on Friday: Crooked Joe Biden is on drugs. Crooked Joe Biden will never agree to a drug test, and I won’t have to debate. booyah, Crooked Joe! I win again!

obviously, this is Trumpian projection. every accusation is a confession. Donny’s the one who goes through life hopped up on one stimulant or another. we know this, because we see what happens when Trump can’t run off to hoover rails of Adderall every thirty minutes — he falls asleep in open court, enveloped in a pungent haze of his own butt music.

Joe Biden should call Trump’s bluff, and agree to both of them being tested — by an independent, impartial doctor. it would be fun to watch Donny have to cast about for some other, brand new reason to back out. because in the end, he will. Fox News and the wingnutsphere will then laud Donny’s brave decision to opt out of debating — and your drunk uncle will ruin the next family cookout by cornering you and blathering on about how Sleepy Brandon is too chicken to debate.

you can set your watch to it.

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it was busy weekend for Captain Ass-Trombone. he spoke at two hate-rallies — and in both cases, he was a sweaty, glitching mess.

“[unintelligible] even I say to myself, you’re a frickin’ genius. hey, look, I had an uncle, my father’s brother, who’s the longest-serving preznutnot — he’s the longest serving professor in the history of MIT…. and I believe in the racehorse theory. fast horses produce fast horses.”

that’s so awesome that Trump’s uncle was the longest-serving preznutnot. what an accomplishment, indeed.

Donny has a new, fun tic that accompanies his brain-freeze. he’ll hunch his shoulders and accordion his open palms together.

keep an eye out for it. he does it every frickin’ time.

oh, and fun fact: Professor John Trump was most definitely not the longest-serving preznutnot at MIT. it’s just another lie that Donny never stops telling.

about this “racehorse theory” — you know who else was really obsessed with bloodlines and genetic purity? of course you do. we fought a whole fucking war against them. the racisthorse theory is now a standard part of Donny’s stump speeches.

President Trump has alarmed Jewish leaders and others with remarks that appeared to endorse “racehorse theory” — the idea that selective breeding can improve a country’s performance, which American eugenicists and German Nazis used in the last century to buttress their goals of racial purity.

listen up, Mister I’m A Racehorse: demented horses produce demented horses. just ask your own dad, who died of Alzheimer’s.

oh, and this happened.

it’s fun to laugh at cognitively-impaired Donny as his brain-worms fumble through every speech, but let’s not forget that he’s a menace to democracy. here he is, promising to appoint extreme MAGA judges who will be in power for 50 years.

“‘we like people in their thirties, so they’re there for fifty years or forty years.’ and as soon as they said that, I realized, yeah.”

beautiful. that’s just what this country needs, an entire judiciary made up of Aileen Cannons who grow up to be Sam Alitos.

listen to this utterly unhinged rant where Mister I’d Stop A School Shooter brags about having done nothing to stop school shootings.

“perhaps worst of all even as they turns American into a crime-ridden, gang-infested, terror-filled dumping ground, Joe Biden and his thugs will do everything in their power to confiscate your guns and annihilate your god-given right to self-defense. you have a right to self-defense. you’ve always had that right. and during … and during my four years NOTHING HAPPENED, and there was great pressure on me, having to do with guns. we did nothing. we didn’t yield.”

folks, I checked the whole Bible — I hate to break it to these bloodthirsty gun fetishists, but there’s no god-given right to an AR-15.

wait, let’s go back to the clownfuckery for a moment —

“when he was the doctor at the White House, they asked him, ‘who’s healthier, who’s a better physical specimen? it is Trump or is it Obama,’ and he said, ‘it’s not even close, it’s Donald Trump. not even close.’”

oh really? Donny is in better shape than Obama?

delusional much, you bloated sack of shit?

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the Big Trump Campaign Finance Document Fraud Fuckery trial wraps up this week. will Donny take the witness stand to testify in his own defense? of course he won’t. once again, the narcoleptic fart factory is talking a good game, about how much he wants so badly to testify, but he can’t, because there’s a gag order.

which, obviously, is not how gag orders work. Judge Merchan even told Donny that he’s free to testify any time he wants to.

but once a coward, always a coward.

bawk! bawk!