cookin’ with Bobby Brainworms, and other tales of Republican dumbfuckery

another twenty-four hours in the United States of Stupidity

yesterday was another one of those days where the stupid spiraled out of control. here a stupid, there a stupid, everywhere a stupid stupid — and you know what that means: it’s time once again to polish off the old Big Wheel of Moron™, give it a good spin, and see where it lands. ready? here we go.

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Jesus fucking wept, just take a look at what the Marvelous Mister Measles is up to now.

“hi, I’m Robert F. Kennedy Jr, your HHS Secretary. welcome to the Real Food Show. thanks to President Trump, we’ve flipped the food pyramid and put real food back where it belongs, at the center of the American plate. I’m traveling across America, connecting with renowned chefs, to show families how to cook delicious, nutritious meals with real ingredients, all at affordable prices. it’s time to eat real food. let’s get cooking.”

nobody asked for this. nobody said, ‘gee, I wonder what the dude who collects roadkill gets up to in the kitchen.”

first of all, let’s talk about his voice. look, I know that it’s not Bobby Brainworms’ fault that he sounds like he’s gargled with all the Drain-o, but who wants to sit through a half hour of that?

and do we really need cooking tips from the weirdo who chowed down on a dog, or a goat, or whatever the fuck this is supposed to be?

does America really need Bobby Brainworms’ recipe for Whale Head Fricassee?

the answer is no. nobody needs some dumbfuck cooking show. what America needs right now is an HHS Secretary who’s laser-focused on doing his actual job. Bobby should be doing stuff like, oh, I don’t know, making sure that eating lettuce doesn’t result in you become a human shit-geyser, because — news flash — the FDA is a branch of Health and Human Services. I wonder if Bobby Brainworms even knows that. no, he’s too busy crisscrossing America in search of perfectly grilled racoon penis.

and then there’s this.

While promoting the show, Kennedy warned that he will “eat anything.”

“I don’t have a gag reflex,” he notes.

way too much information, bro.

ugh. let’s spin that Big Wheel of Moron™ again. here we go—

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it’s just one embarrassment after another with Preznit Fuckwit’s merry gang of sewer clowns.

PBS News host: “the State Department says it takes full responsibility for hastily altering and then presenting a map of Africa at a global AIDS conference that mislabeled every single country it highlighted. attendees shared photos of the incorrect map online. coastal countries like Nigeria, Mozambique and Cote D’Ivoire were all landlocked and in the wrong locations. other countries’ borders were misrepresented.”

how do you fuck that up? here’s how: by letting the janky, six-fingered plagiarism robot do your work for you.

“an analysis by Reuters found a watermark in the map’s image that suggests it was made with OpenAI.”

look at this shit.

it’s amazing how no one in the Donnyverse gives a fuck about doing a good job. why waste an entire afternoon on a map, when the plagiarism robot can gin something up in thirty seconds? even brain-dead MAGA chuds should understand by now that you can’t rely on AI to give you accurate anything. you have to check and re-check that shit.

not checking that shit is how you end up with this abomination.

apparently, the America we’re trying to take away is one in which women spontaneously have a child’s legs sprouting out of their crotches.

I guess we should be thankful there were no legs dangling out of the State Department’s map of Africa.

as you know, I have a running joke around here about being ‘a Responsible Journalist and Everything™’ who relies on Google’s janky, six-fingered plagiarism robot to answer my questions.

but in all seriousness, when I do actually google for information, I fucking well follow the links and do the reading, to make sure the plagiarism robot isn’t hallucinating — because unlike the State Department, I give a shit about the quality of my work.

this is what happens when you let that Project 2025 shitweasel, Russ Vought, fire every competent civil servant and replace them with empty-headed MAGA loyalists who act first and think never.

but at least the State Department is taking ‘full responsibility,’ and not blaming it on, oh, I don’t know, Dr. Fauci.

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unlike this asshole. look at who the Big Wheel landed on now.

Virginia GOP Rep. John McGuire: “it’s crazy. I don’t know if you heard about the BLT sandwich — using, uh, human fetus baby parts in the vaccine, when they could’ve used ivermectin.”

Newsmax host: “yup.”

what in the hallowed name of Batshit Conspiracy Jesus is McGuire yammering about? and listen to the dumbfuck Newsmax host, going ‘yup’ — because she’s equally schooled in this completely imaginary fever dream.

first of all, no, the covid vaccine isn’t some cocktail of ‘human fetus baby parts’ — McGuire is just being willfully stupid.

No, the COVID-19 vaccines do not contain any aborted fetal cells. However, fetal cell lines — cells grown in a laboratory based on aborted fetal cells collected generations ago — were used in testing during research and development of the mRNA vaccines, and during production of the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.

second of all, fetal cell lines are not fetal tissue.

Current fetal cell lines are thousands of generations removed from the original fetal tissue. They do not contain any tissue from a fetus.

and, lastly, BLT is an acronym that has nothing to do with human fetuses.

In drug development, BLT most commonly refers to Bone Marrow-Liver-Thymus humanized mice, a specialized animal model used in preclinical research to test human-specific immune responses, vaccines, and therapies (such as HIV or immuno-oncology drugs).

so, Rep. John McGuire is just making shit up and lying through his teeth in order to smear Dr. Fauci’s good name, and to fill the heads of Newsmax’s audience with dangerous garbage.

this level of fuckery is unsustainable. you cannot have a functional democracy when the party in power has had their brains pickled by counterfactual nonsense, and then recklessly feeds that shit to their gullible base.

John McGuire and his ilk can fuck straight off all the way to Mars.

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it’s time for a palate cleanse. here’s our Hero of the Day, a caller into Rand Paul’s virtual town hall.

I think you’ll agree that she speaks for all of us.

host: “we’ll go ahead to our next question now. you are live with the Senator. you can go ahead and ask your question.”

caller: “hi, Senator. I am a proud Kentucky citizen, and I just wanted to tell you to get fucked.”

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well, it’s Friday. we made through another week in one piece. let’s reward ourselves with some Daily Claudia and get out of here.

here are a couple more selfies I grabbed off Ms Spouse’s phone. this first one’s in front of a now-defunct antique store just north of Mystic, Connecticut, on September 19, 2019.

and this one’s at home, on February 12, 2023.

have a great Friday, everyone. don’t take cooking tips from Whalehead McChainsaw.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.