Colorado just 14th Amendmented the fuck out of Donald Trump

cry more, Donny

it’s morning in America. the sun is shining. birds are singing. colors seem brighter. food tastes better.

is it possible to overdose on schadenfreude?

I’m asking because last night, the Colorado Supreme Court ruled that Section 3 of the 14th Amendment makes Little Donny Fuckface ineligible to run for office in 2024, and threw him off the Colorado ballot — because of fucking course they did. booting Trump for trying to overthrow his own government is a no-brainer.

here’s what the Colo Supremes said:

“A majority of the court holds that President Trump is disqualified from holding the office of president under Section Three of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution. Because he is disqualified, it would be a wrongful act under the Election Code for the Colorado Secretary of State to list him as a candidate on the presidential primary ballot. …

We do not reach these conclusions lightly. We are mindful of the magnitude and weight of the questions now before us. We are likewise mindful of our solemn duty to apply the law, without fear or favor, and without being swayed by public reaction to the decisions that the law mandates we reach.”

the Court put a hold on their ruling, in order to give Insurrection Boy a chance to appeal it — so this thing now lands in the entitled lap of the US Supreme Court, and although we all know how they should rule, it’s anyone’s guess how these corrupt bought-and-paid-for fucks will rule.

in the meantime, let’s enjoy the high-pitched hysteria from the caterwauling conservative crackpots who are now melting down in a Big Fucking Mad.

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wingnuts everywhere decried the ruling as some sort of democrat-commie-engineered plot. nuh-uh, numbnuts.

“You guys want to know something funny about Trump being removed from the Colorado ballot? The case was filed by six Republicans, and the Colorado Supreme Court cited a previous ruling by Justice Gorsuch in their decision. Trump's own party did this, not Democrats.”

the states’ rights crowd reacted in the most states’ rights way possible: by declaring that, no, that’s not what we mean by states’ rights:

Senator Thom Tillis (R-NC) announced he will soon introduce the Constitutional Election Integrity Act, legislation that would prevent state politicians and state entities like the Colorado Supreme Court from disqualifying presidential candidates from the ballot on Constitutional matters that should be decided by only the Supreme Court.

psst, don’t tell Thom that the Constitution that he professes to love grants states the right to run their own elections any way they see fit.

loud and annoying-as-fuck political tourist Vivek Ramaswamy stamped his foot and promised to remove himself from the Colorado primary ballot — as if he ever had the remotest chance of winning.

“I pledge to *withdraw* from the Colorado GOP primary unless Trump is also allowed to be on the state’s ballot, and I demand that Ron DeSantis, Chris Christie, and Nikki Haley to do the same immediately—or else they are tacitly endorsing this illegal maneuver which will have disastrous consequences for our country,” he wrote in a lengthy post on X.

there — that’ll show ’em!

terminally-confused former debutante and future runner-up in the Fourth Mrs. Donald Trump Pageant Kari Lake seems to imagine there’s something called the “Colorado Supreme Court of the United States.”

the grudge-and-grievance dipshits are naturally threatening revenge, because score-settling is the only tool in their box.

“maybe we should take Joe Biden off the ballot in Texas.”

BECAUSE REASONS!

my own favorite take is “this will create a backlash” — as if dumping Donny from one ballot will somehow make a Trump victory inevitable.

seriously, we’ve been fed bullshit about some imaginary backlash for years. think back to 2016, when Hillary referred to Trump supporters as deplorables. the press had a fucking field day with that, falling all over the fainting couch.

“how could she? what about the backlash?”

as if we were supposed to believe that a bunch of Nazis were all set to vote for the email lady, but then she called them deplorables and so they all became Trump supporters.

and how many times in 2020 did we hear that such-and-such an action “GUARANTEES TRUMP WILL WIN!”

how’d that work out for you, Tony?

as for Donny Diaperstain, he spent a sleepless night throwing a twenty-megaton tantrum on his failing app.

boo fucking hoo.

at this point they should probably paint the Mar-a-Lago dining room walls red and just let the ketchup accrue, instead of having to clean it up on a daily basis.

by the way, if you can throw Donald Trump off a ballot for being an insurrectionist, you can throw Jim Jordan off a ballot for being an insurrectionist.

that goes double for Marge Three Toes, or Paul Gosar, or Mo Brooks — or any of these shitbags who begged for a pardon after January 6th.

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but at least this gave the dipshits something to whine about besides the black people who had the utter gall to tap-dance in the White House.

Hide your children, hide your wives. A radical force is sweeping the nation, threatening to destroy everything that God-fearing Americans hold dear.

That threat, according to Fox News? Tap-dancing, one of the most quintessentially American art forms there is.

so let’s enjoy this video once again, and let’s raise a glass to the delightful Colorado Christmas present that arrived 5 days early.

cheers!