check out the latest racist bullshit: planes crash because diversity

pilots aren’t responsible for the bolts on doors, you morons

just in time for Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday, here’s a fresh load of racist garbage.

a story that was all over the news last week was the door blowing off an Alaska Airlines plane mid-flight. terrifying, right? fortunately there were no casualties and the plane landed safely.

well, the stupidest fucking assholes in the universe took one look at what happened — and you’ll never guess what they concluded.

planes crash because black people.

I shit you not. the entire wingnut outrage-industrial complex got their marching orders and spent days on end whining about diversity hiring in the airline industry.

here’s Laura Ingraham on Fox.

“the left’s slavish obsession with forcing this so-called diversity inclusion standards on America. it’s shredding the standards of excellence in everything from business to academia — even to the military. now in some settings, when DEI comes first and merit second, this may mean needless American deaths — and a lot of them. Boeing recently bragged, not about being the best in the business, but about surpassing its diversity quotas with 92% of interviewees, they say, being diverse. oh, goody, but then not so good, a door flying off of one of Boeing's 737 supermaxes.”

the message from Übergruppenführer Laura couldn’t be clearer: this what happens when we let those people get a share of the pie — everything goes to shit.

this is the toxic elixir currently being poured into the ears of your drunk uncle. expect to hear all the fuck about it at your next family gathering.

hey, speaking of diversity and inclusion in the corporate world, check out these commie rat bastards:

nonetheless, as the week wore on, the high-pitched hysteria from Fox News grew ever more fevered.

no wonder airplane doors are falling the fuck off — they’re letting crazy black people be pilots!

of course the vile ooze that seeped out from under the flat rock of social media made Fox’s fearmongering seem measured by comparison.

here’s Individual-1 Junior, the poster boy for mediocre white dudes failing upwards, racisting at Mach 5:

“… more DEI hiring practices at major airlines. remember that one? United? ‘we’re going to try to make sure that fifty percent comes from [unintelligible].’ how about the best pilot? I know that it seems shocking. I know I must be ‘incredibly racist’ if I just want someone who knows how to fly the damn plane — not someone who got in because they checked a couple of boxes and maybe there’s a big boy in the room to teach them how to do it in case something goes wrong.”

by the way, maybe Sniffles McMotormouth here should invest in some decongestants. he sounds like he has half of Bolivia’s gross national product stuffed up his nose.

Ben Shapiro, the self-owning dweeb who actually brags about having never sexually satisfied his wife, won’t even fly with an airline that hires black pilots.

which I’m pretty sure is all the airlines.

here’s underacheiving dipshit-with-a-podcast Jesse Kelly.

tell me, Jesse, is this commercial airline pilot in the room with us right now? is he visible to other people?

and of course out of the woodwork skittered all the bigots bearing “scientific proof” that non-white people have small brains or whatever.

because when I need to know who is or isn’t smart enough to pilot a plane, I turn to some low-wattage anonymous rando on not-twitter.

speaking of not-twitter, no motley collection of racists would be complete without a special appearance by the Space Nazi.

oh great, the guy whose cars and rockets randomly blow the fuck up has an opinion on safety in the transportation sector.

notice that these shitheads are all so fucking worried about pilots — last time I looked, pilots aren’t in charge of tightening the bolts on doors.

and — free clue for you fucking idiots — it was a pilot who guided the door-less Alaska Airlines plane safely to the ground.

jesus aitch criminiy, apparently a little critical thinking is too much to ask for from these geniuses.

meanwhile, if you want to know what’s really going on, oh looky-looky:

Before the Boeing Disaster, the Company Lobbied Lawmakers to Deregulate Airplane Safety

Despite allegations of “excessive” defects ahead of the recent Boeing disaster, the company and its parts supplier, Spirit AeroSystems, used their deep pockets to lobby Washington to reduce safety regulations.

wait, are you telling me that bolts in a door went uninspected because some venal politician was handed a suitcase full of cash and ordered to loosen regulations?

are you telling me that when shit goes sideways thirty thousand feet in the air, it’s not due to the color of anyone’s skin, but rather the greed and sociopathy of some corner-office fuckface?

knock me over with a feather.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.