602 Comments
User's avatar
Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

silly me. I woke up thinking I was going to write about Jeffrey Epstein and Blackout Brett Kavanaugh — and then I looked at my phone and saw the news about Colbert

Susan B's avatar

Either way - respectfully Jeff - there were just not enough FUCKS! in this piece. And Mrs Spouse that is the sweetest text chain out there. Another great one lost so sad.

Dr J's Sanity Space's avatar

Love your post, but I wonder: Jeff is quite clear about referring to his wife as MS SPOUSE. Not MRS.

Kathleen Weber's avatar

Note that Ms Long also continued to use her maiden name. When I was coming along in the 1970s, many women chose to use Ms in contrast ro Miss/Mrs so we wouldn't be defined by our marital status.

Jax's avatar

I consistently did and currently use Ms. vs. Mrs. AND, I kept my maiden name and added my husband's last name, hyphenated after mine. I wanted to honor my Dad and did not want to lose his name just for getting married. Hell, my three older brothers didn't have to. Why me?

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

I love the idea of hyphenation but believe it's much too late for me since I've been voting (and having accounts) under my married name) for far too long now - hubby even took over my individual major Department Store accounts without my realizing it years ago since he'd stop there to pick up products I'd ordered and in the process 'somehow' fill out forms to first add him (to accounts I'd had on my own since my late teens!) BUT then somehow became 'his' from then on based on MY lifelong credit. He couldn't comprehend why this upset me so much since I was still recovering from major spinal surgery 'so wasn't going anywhere anyway'. HIS non-existent credit rating (he'd never saved OR maintained accounts other than our joint mortgage and bills) soared - of course it did...my credit had been impeccable, while mine evaporated. I finally stopped caring since I couldn't fix it. Absolutely agree with your premise. IF I had it to do all over I'd retain my OWN name. NOW the fuckers are trying to strip women of our vote BECAUSE we've been voting under our spouses' names. We're being turned into nonentities.

Jax's avatar

It wouldn’t surprise me if this effing administration tried taking away women’s right to vote, for crying out loud. Oh, and Blacks. And Hispanics. And and and….

Denise Donaldson's avatar

That was awful of your husband, Elizabeth. I don't think I could have tolerated it.

When I had a short-lived apartment sharing relationship with my long-ago ex-boyfriend, the lease and the utilities were in my name, because he had no credit. We were supposed to be sharing expenses, however. Well....he was theoretically job hunting at the time, but was somehow never successful. I ended up taking a second job to cover expenses, while he ran up $300 in one month in long-distance charges, which broke me. I had to let other bills go to cover the charges, and ruined my credit. I threw him out before I paid off Ma Bell.

When I got married, the rule was---and still is, 31 years later---our money is kept separate, and then we transfer funds into a joint checking account for shared expenses only. No joint credit cards, though.

Bonnie Council's avatar

I agree. I went back to my maiden name after divorcing, so glad I did. If the damn SAVE act passes the Senate, which I'm praying it doesn't, I think all marrying women henceforth should keep their maiden names. It's just so wrong what they are trying to do to keep women barefoot, pregnant, uneducated, in the kitchen & away from the voting booth.

Jax's avatar

Unfucking believable what’s happening in our country.

Kip McSherry's avatar

Me too. Plus, my beloved husband #2 has a last name with 13 characters in it.... wasn't going to happen.

Old Enough To Know Better's avatar

Same thing I ended up doing.

Luckily his name and mine were both short!

Jax's avatar

Not in my case! My proper first name has 10 letters, middle name has 7, last name 9. Thank God the add-on for his was only 4 letters!

Do you know how long it took to close when we bought houses? Grueling!

T L Mills's avatar

I kept my maiden name and have never been sorry! Why do I have to go through all the crap which officializes the marital name change and then have the Gummint use it against me to prevent me from voting???

Patricia Williamson's avatar

I used a hyphenated name for many years, until I renewed my drivers license a couple of years ago and the DMV decided to do away with it.

Jax's avatar

The DMV did that? I had no idea they had so much power! What state are you in?

Marlene Lerner-Bigley (CA)'s avatar

I did the very same thing! GO Hyphenation!

Mirla G. Raz's avatar

I married in 1980. Shortly after I married, my husband and I needed to see a notary. She looked at the paperwork and told me I'm obligated to use my husband's name. HAHAHA. I told her to cease and desist and notarize the paper. She did.

Dr J's Sanity Space's avatar

🎯 Kathleen: Further, in my case & many others who were divorced, but for professional reasons kept the old name, there were definitely other ( again in my case, two more! ) Mrs Broadbents :-)

DR Darke's avatar

I was incredibly surprised when my former wife decided to take my last name as her married name—she claimed it was "Secret Identity", which amused her to no end!

I fully expected her to keep her maiden name. 🤷‍♂️

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

I know, but some of us have vision issues and can barely read the very light text. WHEN I finally get (if ever) my new computer, I hope it'll have darker and larger text I can read without having to strain my neck and eyes. I too have erred in calling Claudia Mrs. Spouse because that comes so naturally to me (as an also long-term married person). PLEASE don't hate us for it - it's inadvertent, not intended to be snarky or insulting in any way whatsoever. We love Jeff and adored Claudia, especially for her wit and as his Muse. I only wish my husband was a fraction as witty and would text me even close to the way Jeff's just shown us. I'd treasure that forever. Additionally, you cannot imagine just how much time 'I' spend going back over my posts (this one for example) to try to detect errors which I can't make out from a few inches away.

Jax's avatar

You know what? Call me anything you want but don’t call me late for reading Jeff’s post! (Haha!) And I’m still trying to get used to being called Miss Jackie. That never happened in Upstate NY!

Linda R's avatar

I don't know your computer setup, but most browsers have simple "zoom in" controls. Try hitting Ctrl and + (plus) keys together to make the page and text larger, Ctrl and - (minus) keys to to make the page and text smaller.

(Note, you don't need to use Shift to make an actual +. Just the += key (plus on top, equal on bottom) with Ctrl works.)

I'm not sure about Apple products, but I think it's the same thing with the Command key -- Command plus (+) or minus (-). Good luck.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

LINDA! Thank you so much! I LOVE YOU!!! :) I had NO idea, how on earth I did NOT have any idea how this worked? I swear, I'm an absolute doofus dinosaur about computers! Now I can switch back and forth since making the text large enough to read removes my ability to find other things on my screen (which isn't very big - of course it isn't). I've been promised that too! ;) A good friend was the one who first talked me through everything I know how to do on a computer. She lived a couple of miles away (now is in Pa). Little tidbit - she now has cardiac issues and her surgeon is in Butler, Pa - where, she informed me 'President Trump was nearly assassinated'. Yes, she's maga. It still shocks me just how many maga people I know or am close to, or who like me. I'm curious if they think they'll 'convert' me? Never happen but I'm curious. We'd both be on our landlines late at night and while we laughed and giggled back in 1999 before the world went bonkers (she's the one who uses 'fuck' as a verb, adverb, adjective, noun, etc.) she taught me about computers, laughing when I fucked up, but she had LOTS of patience. I simply don't remember any explanation about enlarging the font. I'm on a plain old HP desktop - have no issues with my much newer IPhone cell screen OR my now mostly unused other devices. Of course they're where all my photos and videos are stored. I just prefer mouses or meeses? Neither of my two thumbs would work for texting - or playing the games I love (GameDuell). For those I personally require a mouse (which is why I lose so often to those who use 2 thumbs, lol). If they ever did away with meeses I'll have to quit altogether. YOU are a life (vision) saver! So THANK YOU SO MUCH! I truly appreciate you for taking th time to educate me! To be honest, there are a whole bunch of buttons and other things on my keyboard I have no idea what they're for either, LOL. Am I alone in this?

Linda R's avatar

I'm so glad it helped; you're very welcome. To be fair, the zoom feature hasn't been around since the beginning. It started (I think) with Firefox, then gradually other browsers implemented it. So if you've been using the computer for many years, it probably sneaked in without fanfare, and you just never knew to look. Now you can teach your friend something; she might find it useful as well.

If you want to experiment, go into your browser's settings. Scroll down or poke around until you find "Fonts." You can set a "default font" that's larger than standard, so you might be able to read font while your page is a standard size, no need to zoom in and out. Mine is set to Times New Roman, 16 points instead of the standard 12. It doesn't always render the font style -- this page for instance -- but the font is big enough to read.

As for texting -- my thumbs are too fat for the keyboard, too; I don't know how the youngsters do it. But an iPhone has a little microphone icon when you open a text message. Tap that, and you can speak your message -- slowly and clearly, so you don't have too many words to correct. I don't know if Android has the same feature, but it doesn't hurt to check. I do a LOT more texting when I can speak the message. You can even speak punctuation if you give a little pause. Like, "Sounds good" (pause) "exclamation mark. I'll see you then" (pause) "period." But if you don't have a bit of a pause, you'll get, "Sounds good exclamation mark" Lol!

And, yeah, I'm in a very red county of my blue state, too. I find that, unless we're talking politics, most are sane and pleasant enough in daily interactions. But when I see what the Republicans in our state house are proposing, or are against... *shakes head in despair*

Denise Donaldson's avatar

Same here with the vision issues, since I had cataract procedures 5 years ago.

Susan B's avatar

My error and as I was writing it I was second guessing that! Thanks

Christine Zepka's avatar

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. How’s that?😉

Ellyn's avatar

Better. Thanks!!

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

How about: fuckity fuck, fuckity fuckity fuck, fuckity fuckity fuckity fuck, fuck ALL THE WAY OFF fuck, fuck certain oramge fuckwits to the MOON and back fuck, fuckity BYE fuck. Phew, that got some of it out of my system. :)

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

orange not oramge. Gotta keep it accurate. Damn typos.

Chris Ortolano's avatar

Yeah, sorry that the crazy fascists keep doing the crazy fascist shit faster than anyone can keep up with.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

which of course - is the whole point: throw EVERYTHING at us, hoping we'll be too distracted, pissed off and confused (as if WE'RE the ones who're confused) to pay attention to what really lies behind the curtain: THE FUCKING EPSTEIN FILES and TINY LITTLE CHILDREN!

BigDaddy52's avatar

Plus all the other fuckwittery they're perpetrating.

Keith's avatar

speakin of fascist ... rumor has it alito is considering retiring

that would give donnie dikwit 4 supreme court flunkies

and we thought it wasn't gonna be a permanent scaring of our democracy ... WRONG!

Leigh Hamilton's avatar

Alito is already his flunkie. Maybe now the Democrats will GROW A PAIR OR TEN and not rubber-stamp fucktards.

Skepticat's avatar

In. Our. Dreams.

Kay's avatar

Maybe the Dems can pull a McConnell.

Rosemary Orlandi's avatar

The Dems need to take the Senate to do that.

US Blues's avatar

Alito sucks anyway but I’m sure Donnycon will find someone worse.

Kim Steeves's avatar

My money is on Cannon, she needs a reward for running interference on his court cases.

US Blues's avatar

Ugh! Something MUST be done about SCOTUS as soon as sanity returns.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

Oh please- there MUST BE at least a few republicans who know she's SO beyond unqualified? Several are already grumbling about the Epstein Files and the shitfuckery of his militia/invasion of American Cities, surely those few would never vote for THAT dumb-shit woman?

Patricia Williamson's avatar

Many Republicans knew that all of Trump's Cabinet was unqualified and they voted "yes" on them anyway.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

You have a point. Sigh.

Hal Schwalbe's avatar

You're forgetting she's already checked off the only three requirements needed to earn the nomination from Trump:

1. Complete lack of qualifications

2. Complete lack of conscience

3. Unquestioned loyalty

To quote one of the best films of all time: "Surely you can't be serious! No, I'm deadly serious, and stop calling me surely." 😉

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

With women there's also "beauty" or his idea of it: that "Mar-A-Lago face" with all its makeup, hair extensions, botox and fillers. Or else they have to have given him a ton of money like Betsy DeVos and Linda McMahon.

Pamela Van Sickle's avatar

Oh, count on it. Heritage Foundation already has a vetted list prepared🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Tracey Johnson's avatar

Probably someone who isn't even a judge. Or maybe a judge from his beauty parent days.

Sandy's avatar

Shit shit shit shit shit

Lynell(VA by way of MD&DC)'s avatar

I have been worrying about that for sometime now, Keith, not being able to hold my breath for three more years.

rlritt's avatar

He'll probably appoint some crazy in MAGA lawyer in his 30's.

DJ Headthrob's avatar

I honestly wouldn't put it past him nominating Rudy. And bear in mind he STILL hasn't paid him that retainer.

Nancy Braus's avatar

rudy's too old. There are plenty of substance abusing far right seriously bad lawyers to pick from. There is always the brilliant legal talent Lindsay Halligan- so trump can put some eye candy on the court. And we can't forget Alina Habba. And we can't neglect the ultimate brown noser, Pam Bondi. All would be as highly qualified and ethical as Kavanaugh.

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

Habba lost her law license, didn't she? Don't SCOTUS members at LEAST have to be members of A Bar? After BlondiBondi's behaviour in front of Congress I doubt SHE'D get even republican votes, and Halligan seriously let the fuckwit down by not being able to 'indict a ham sandwich'. So yeah - he'll come up with an even more stupid/vile candidate, although Alito is hard to beat in those categories.

Nancy Braus's avatar

don’t forget- no judicial filibuster. So far, the only nominees for any office that the ass-kissing republicans have turned down are full blown Nazis. Stupidity, lack of qualifications, cruelty, bad behavior, or complete insanity haven’t been disqualifiers. Remember, his favorites are the good looking ones- at least “good looking” in the eyes of the Faux news crowd.

DJ Headthrob's avatar

Good points all. There seems to be an inverse relationship between looks and actual qualifications. I'll always remember the sage lyrics of 'Marry a Yiddishe Maid,' "Never mind the good looks or the fancy pappidoodles/Just make sure that she can cook gefilte fish and noodles." Man, they don't write 'em like that anymore.

Robert Eckert's avatar

No. In the early days it was common for SCOTUS members to have no previous legal experience at all.

Denise Donaldson's avatar

Per the Legal Clarity site:

"There is no constitutional requirement for a Supreme Court justice to be a lawyer. The U.S. Constitution is silent on any professional or educational qualifications for those who serve on its highest court, which leaves the door open, in theory, for anyone to be nominated."

Elizabeth Schulz's avatar

wow! I had NO IDEA! Doesn't that make absolutely zero sense? Someone RULING on matters of absolutely vital LEGAL importance for the entire Country - having NO legal knowledge? I've always assumed (there I go again) that they had to have at least passed 'A' bar somewhere in their past, whether or not they were currently practicing law - or not. ZO, this means the orange fuckwit could literally nominate HIMSELF? Omg.

Rosemary Orlandi's avatar

I remember when Ted Cruz was tossed around as a scotus nomination; I was dumbfounded ! I always thought you had to be experienced in law.

DJ Headthrob's avatar

I think he has a law degree. Will always take some pleasure that Cruz and DeSanctimonious could never ascend to that next level.

Rosemary Orlandi's avatar

Wasn't rudi culludy disbarred? If not he should be.

Michelle Togut's avatar

With this regime, there's never a shortage of dumbfuckery to lampoon.

Jenny Daly's avatar

If I didn't read you this morning I would have never known about the You Tube interview. (I pretty much can only stomach getting my news from you). So I ran over to YT just to watch and give it another view! haha - CBS can go suck rocks.

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

I'm baffled as to why they went after the Talarico interview. He is basically nobody to 95% of Americans. It's a niche primary race in Texas. The only person with an equal time claim is Jasmine Crockett, whom Trump also hates. Did Talarico say something mean about Trump recently that I missed? That seems like the only thing that could trigger him to go off on a largely unknown Texas state legislator running in a Democratic primary.

Amykk's avatar

I think the upside is that people like me who can't stay up late to watch this know who Talarico is now. He is now a nationally known candidate, and his fundraising should reflect that.

Pam Humphrey's avatar

Oh, but it does. Whoever wins the Democratic primary will be going up against either Sen. John Cornyn (a major Trump asskisser) or Ken Paxton (a MAGA crook who was indicted by members of his own party, screwed around on his wife and basically earned the title of Trump Favorite.) As Talarico said, many Texans are tired of the decades-long. do-nothing bullshit and the state could go blue this time around. Dimwit Donnie believes he won’t stand for that. I say, along with my Progressive Texas friends, I hope he falls on his ass.

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

That may be but I think most of his attention/fundraising will come from people who already liked him. Anyway, Crockett is leading the polling, so we'll see where this goes. Again, she's the only person who has a legitimate beef. This doesn't concern the Trump administration.

2Cats2Furious's avatar

The beef is not specific to Talarico, but with the late-night talk show hosts like Colbert, Kimmel, Meyers, etc. who make fun of Trump, which he HATES.

Those hosts aren’t going to invite most republican political candidates (which in this case would be GOP candidates in the same Senate race, including Cornyn and Ken Paxton) onto their shows, because they are horrible people. Carr is threatening them with FCC action and CBS is complying in advance. In this case, the Streisand Effect is real, and it’s spectacular.

Leigh Hamilton's avatar

I don't think it would have mattered who it was if s/he had a 'D' by their name.

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

Surely Talarico can't be the only Democrat interviewed on a late night talk show?

Rosemary Orlandi's avatar

Jasmine Crockett has been on his show many times .

MARY's avatar

"THEY" must think there's more risk of Texas flipping if Talarico is the Dem nominee. Trump has repeatedly proven the depth and breadth of misogyny and racism in this country. Talarico is white, male, straight, and in seminary for his Divinity degree in mainstream Presbyterian theology. If anyone can bring Repub voters over, it's someone like this squeaky clean, 8th generation Texan. Crockett with far more experience and credentials is both female and black. Probably wouldn't pull over as many votes

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

Republican voters cannot be "brought over." They either turn out or stay home. These aren't the Republicans that elected Cornyn the first time; they're a different breed. 2002 was a million years ago. And with some here touting Talarico as "more progressive," there should be plenty of ammo there to scare GOP voters and paint him as the devil incarnate, with "AUSTIN!!!" the equivalent of "Ivy League coastal elites."

Also it's an off year which means in every state and every race, it's all about turnout. I can tell you from tragic experience, focusing on flipping voters in an off year is a blueprint for losing. You win with the base in an off year, period. You can turn out ten base voters for the same amount of time and energy it takes to flip one undecided or rightwing voter. if we hadn't stupidity ignored this in Ohio in 2010l, Ohio would still be a swing state.

And it's way past time that WE stopped pre-defeating brilliant Black women by insisting they can't win.

Denise Donaldson's avatar

After watching last night's interview, I'd say that Crockett is unquestionably more progressive. Plus which, she's 100% ready to take the fight to the MAGAs. While Talarico seems to be left of center, he doesn't seem to have any of the fire that Crockett does. He's adamant about the separation of church and state, but obviously, as a seminarian, he tends to wear his Christianity on his sleeve. That kinda puts me off, but that's a personal preference. I agreed with his views overall, but he just wasn't that impressive, IMO. Crockett would seem to be a much stronger candidate, but maybe not to MOR Dems.

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

I think people who believe that "wearing his Christianity on his sleeve" will attract Republican voters don't understand the vast different between what "Christianity" means to the right and to the left. My issue is that trying to get people to cross over is a losing tactic in a midterm. You HAVE to bring out your own voters.

Denise Donaldson's avatar

I'm not sure about the crossing-over part. While I certainly believe that there needs to be a supreme effort to turn out Dems, I think it wouldn't hurt to put some effort toward attracting any disillusioned MAGAs. From the reports I read, Texas might be a logical area for that latter effort.

I do agree that right-wing "Christianity" is not at all the same thing as Talarico's Christianity. That said, though, Talarico is a Texan's Texan, and there are preachers in his family. Those qualities might attract right-wingers, and with their general lack of research and fact-checking, they might not realize the gap between themselves and Talarico. He did say that his "grandpappy" was a Baptist minister, and that would be catnip to MAGAs. IF there's a chance of pulling in marginal MAGAs, I'd say that Talarico would have a better chance.

But Crockett is a much more desirable candidate, IMO.

Denise Donaldson's avatar

Talarico had plenty to say in the Colbert interview.

Beezerbomb's avatar

...and a P.S. - I love when you share things about Ms. Spouse. She was clearly bright, quick-witted, full o' smarts, and unforgettable. Thanks for sharing these glimpses. No wonder she was such a firm favorite of yours.

Tonya Browning's avatar

I’m just glad you wrote! I found out about 30 minutes ago that my husband got let go from his job. We’re quite shocked given there was absolutely no warning.

Tonya Browning's avatar

It does, & I’m trying not to freak out. He’s our sole breadwinner because I’m disabled. Everything works out, it’s just REALLY hard to see it when you’re in the midst of chaos. Reading Jeff’s Substack helps.

barb's avatar

So sorry to hear that. I wish there were other responses other than the "Like" heart icon. I'd send a caring hug.

Tonya Browning's avatar

Right?! Sometimes a heart just doesn’t convey the right message. Thank you.

Lynn Horsky's avatar

Ah, the skeletons in the closet. ....The good old Epstein files they'll keep dangling for you in the closet vaults of our sicko society. Let the King and the Nobles rape all the virgins. Rape and murder, the right of absolute power, fall like dominos, down to Daddy or Uncle or Big Brother. Let the martyrs be served by 70 of them. The motherfuckers and cocksuckers. Women's rights out the window. Forget human rights. They got bots now they can rape and snuff for practiice. Now, after centuries of abuse, the oligarchs surely don't want those skeletons to come out and dance.....their Big Idea is to put everyone else in the closet so they won't complain and make them pay for it with their tax dollars while they rake in the dough!! Misery loves company. But laughs shake them bones out! Eventually, the bones will turn to dust. Make it happen with your F words, Cap'n.

BluDotInARedSewer's avatar

you and Ms. Spouse were so lucky to have each other. 💔

Maria Race's avatar

That text is so darn cute. Keep on keeping on, Ms. Spouse would be glad you have that archive to hold onto. Take care of yourself extra. Eat some chocolate, drink some coffee, sit by a fire sometime. Talk with friends. Thinking of you.

Beezerbomb's avatar

That's so not surprising. Every day you could wake up with a perfectly timely, fantastic idea for a column based on some shitfuckery that happened yesterday afternoon...and it would be eclipsed by 43 other infuriating moments from Dear Leader and his Merry Mirth Makers that happened while you were sleeping.

Pam Humphrey's avatar

Hahaha! Merry Mirth Makers? That put some weird pictures into my head. I’m using that from now on.

BDBoop's avatar

And see? If you hadn't done, I probably would not have known.

Bikracer's avatar

That was the best text chain I have ever read! 🩷☺️ Thank you for sharing it with us.

Leigh Hamilton's avatar

But on the bright side, what are they going to do? Fire him? Cancel his show?

I don't have a CBS subscription, but if I did, now would be the time I'd cancel it forever.

P.P.'s avatar

Didn't have time to read the other comments so apologies if someone else brought it up. But Colbert telling trump on live tv that trump's mouth(throat?) was a sheath for Putin's cock in response to trump being a dick to a reporter was Immortal.

Kathleen Weber's avatar

Jeff Tiedrich is the BEST!! And I LOVE him to pieces!!!

Anyone want to say otherwise??????😠😡😠😡

Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

me! because I know all my flaws

HI2thDoc's avatar

Thank you for sharing your sweet, funny text exchange with Ms. Spouse, Jeff.

michellefromchicago's avatar

Yes! That text exchange was absolutely the best. No wonder you miss her so much, uncle Jeff. You two were obviously an excellent match for each other. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other – – and feel free to keep sharing such gems with us. It’s good for you – – and for all of us, too.

KP Johnson Austin, TX's avatar

Ms. Spouse was a true badass. She was Jeff's partner and proofreader and his conscience as well. She knew when to remind Jeff to tone it down. She always kept Jeff in line!

Margaret MacKenzie's avatar

Calling my husband Sweetie or Honey seems positively mundane now. I will hold Crockpot and Butter Knife fondly in my heart forever.

Lisa K. Obrien's avatar

My husband has no idea that Door Stop is now an optional endearment.

Kim Steeves's avatar

Oh, to be a fly on your wall to see his reaction when you hit him with it! LOL

Crystal Hartley's avatar

My hub's two favorite endearments for me are "Sasquatch" and "Slow Leak."

Paula's avatar

My darling calls me Chicken Fist because I have bony scrawny hands that look like chicken feet.

Kathleen Weber's avatar

He and Ms Spouse played verbal tennis on a pro level. Kept Jeff sharp for putting the beat down on the Porker in Chief.

HI2thDoc's avatar

Funny, lighthearted, and affectionate banter. Precious.

Sheila Riley-Callahan's avatar

Loved reading this. It brought a huge smile to my face. 💞💞💞💞

Jennifer Elsea's avatar

It made me cry, tbh.

Dammit!

Vivian Fletcher's avatar

Double that!! Thank you❤️

Pamela Van Sickle's avatar

Yes, Jeff. That was a gift to us all. Keeping you close to my heart❤️

Tess's avatar

If YOU have flaws…imagine what WE have! We love you!!!!

Wendy The Druid 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🌈's avatar

bell hooks , jeff.

"I have written about love more than almost anyone alive, and I have also failed at it — repeatedly, catastrophically, and in ways that humiliated my own theories."

We are all human.

Kathleen Weber's avatar

Tough.. We know better!

Richard Von Busack's avatar

We bounce you on the Eskimo blanket of our esteem. Which sounds obscene but really isn’t meant to be. I’m going to write an article and post it about the best immune system boosting hot peppers to upstick asswise by I. M. Nottadoktir MD and hope that Brainworms’ electrical golem will suck it up, and soon I can watch Q-bal neighbors running around like Yosemite Sam (“Yow! My biscuits is burning!”)

HI2thDoc's avatar

Somebody tell Brainworm Bobby that colons don't work that way. The alimentary canal is a one way street, digestion/absorption wise. The only things that go the other way are MAGA craniums.

US Blues's avatar

I’m glad you found someone amazing to share so much of your life with! They’re hard to find amongst all of the misogynists and haters out there. I weep for the future for my teen. Nothing but fucksticks everywhere. Good on ya. RIP Ms Spouse.

Mwfeiger's avatar

Please keep those flaws to yourself. The rest of us want to be allowed to imagine the humorous genius writer as a woke knight welding a pen.

Kathleen Weber's avatar

Well, he is a woke knight wielding a pen ...... he's just way too hard on himself.

SPW's avatar

But it’s your flaws that we love Jeff. You are our Kintsugi 💛💛.

Reader/Writer's avatar

Well, yeah, we all have those. And we all keep them as hidden as possible.

Sheila Riley-Callahan's avatar

Nope, we are all with you Jeff. We all have flaws (trust me!).

SethTriggs's avatar

Not me, Jeff is amazing!

Melanie Knadler's avatar

We’re all on board with that statement! Love you, Jeff!

Shannon Lovelady's avatar

You tell them to come see me.

Margaret Carreiro's avatar

Never! I adore Jeff in pieces or whole!

Tess's avatar

Your “mournscrolling” had me in tears….don’t stop sharing Jeff…we get it ❤️❤️

Dave Drell's avatar

That was the best part of today’s post. For, you are human, and those other crackpots in the post are from some other galaxy!

Stephanie Lajeskie's avatar

Awww, Jeff…It’s hard to know what the shittiest part about losing a loved one is. But it occurred to me that when you wrote, you were used to bouncing your ideas off of Mrs. Spouse. And I’m sure it’s still your instinct to turn around and ask her opinion, or tell her something funny—and then you realize you can’t. So while writing these posts is therapeutic for you, I’m sure it reinforces her absence. Please feel free to keep her memory alive by posting sweet little stories like this. I know we’ll love reading them as much as you love sharing them! 🥰

arne link's avatar

After two years, I've almost stopped thinking "Wait until I tell him this."

MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

After nearly 11 years, I still have imaginary conversations with my late husband. I’ve got 42 years’ worth of catch-phrases and inside jokes to use. It’s a bittersweet form of hanging on and filling in the blanks.

Dorian's avatar

I've got 45 years of material. It's only been 14 days since I lost my beloved and I'm constantly talking to him. The cats are used to me. People in public places, not so much.

Val's avatar

Dorian, So sorry for your loss....Keep talking and sharing...Hugs and prayers.

Karen Hall's avatar

I’m so very sorry💔

Dorian's avatar

Thank you, Karen.

Mps's avatar

There is an account in Threads, colleenh12345. She lost her husband in June and she writes notes to him daily. It is one of the most amazing examples of processing grief. I don’t miss a day.

Mps's avatar

*ON Threads

Sigh

Brenda Doherty's avatar

It’s been 9 years and I still do it.

Myla's avatar

And please keep telling her your ideas and asking for her opinions! Our loved ones are never truly lost.

Wendy The Druid 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🌈's avatar

Jeff and everyone else, I leave you with Rev Jackson's words

"If Dr. King and our civil rights movement have taught us anything, it's the fundamental principle that all people deserve equal protection under the law."

https://thistleandmoss.com/p/the-daily-exhale-steven-colbert-is-the-man-jesse-jackson-has-passed-and-audre-lorde-reminds-us-we-ha

And fucking Colbert is my hero.

JsuttraL's avatar

I cannot love enough the exchange between you and Ms. Spouse.

Michelle Kenoyer's avatar

Same here. I love "my little door stop" and the other terms of endearment. True and sweethearted love. 💕 Still keeping you in my heart, Jeff. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

George in Atlanta's avatar

So lemme get this straight. The brain donors at the FCC talked to their flatworms at CBS and tried to put the kibosh on a Colbert interview. And Stephen laughed at them, then spun it all into ratings gold? Bwahahahaha!!!

In a battle of wits, they are unarmed.

Nancy's avatar

Brain donors and flatworms!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 So funny, George! Thanks for the laugh!

Frosty McGillicuddy's avatar

Stopping by Mar-a-Lago on a Cranky Evening

With a tip of the hat to Robert Frost.

Whose heap this is, I do not know

I'm pretty sure the owner blows

He will not see me standing here

And urinate on his front do'.

He thinks his power, 'cause he's rich

Will fill that empty hole, ya bitch

His wife is money hungry too

But Stormy Daniels! HAHA HOO HOO!

We all just wish you'd go away

And not poison another day

With your vapid empty soulless shell

We all have come to know so well.

And misery, thy name is Drumpf.

And misery, thy name is Drumpf.

Please subscribe to my Substack for your dose of poetry, limericks and song parodies!

HI2thDoc's avatar

Another good one, Frosty! I'm trying to write one about the CBS crap. . .

HI2thDoc's avatar

Bari Weiss

You're just a trice

An unserious hack

A corporate flack

Quit. That would be nice

Frosty McGillicuddy's avatar

I will and thank you for the suggestion.

Charles Austin's avatar

👏👏👏👏👏

Linda Silfven's avatar

CBS is now another State Propaganda channel and Colbert is a hero. I watched that interview on YouTube this morning and I’m sure it has the fascist regime grinding their teeth. Talarico is a winner who just might pull off Texas.

I watched AOC speak in front of 1000 students in Berlin, extemporaneously, no notes. She was articulate, intelligent, and often interrupted with applause. What is the NYT’s problem? Yet another media asskisser?

Richard Dorset's avatar

The NYT is increasingly cowardly. They refuse to tell it like it is without fear or favor, as their North Star used to be.

john augustine's avatar

I think Jeff should take an excerpt from dear leader and post it verbatim

Bob's avatar

Oh, he has.

PTW's avatar

I think the "powerful" are afraid of AOC, so they have to denigrate her, make her seem inarticulate and stupid.

kdsherpa's avatar

I was out of town and have only learned about Ms. Spouse's death. Words cannot express how terribly sorry I am about the death of your beloved Claudia. She was often the partner in your columns and I always enjoyed hearing what she had to say. Please accept my deepest sympathy. Her memory IS a blessing and always will be. As a (retired) psychiatrist, I want to let you know that if you have a day where you DON'T want to write because you don't want to miss a day in your perfect record of writing your magnificent column, it really is OK if you just write, "Hi folks. Not a writing day." I also thought that, since you love to write, sometime you may want to write down your memories about meeting Ms. Spouse, and all of the fun times that the two of you shared. Just an idea. Meanwhile, I send you love. Katherine Sherpa xx

Bob Bowden's avatar

It’s notable that in Jeff’s posts since his beloved Ms. Spouse’s passing, the fact that she is ever present in his thoughts makes his work even better. Funny (and wonderful) how that works!

Reader/Writer's avatar

Glad to see you back, kd.

kdsherpa's avatar

Thanks so much, R/W. It's good to be back, although I feel sad under the circumstances.

SethTriggs's avatar

This is turbo-corrupt shit, and I am not surprised if the influence from Maladministration 2.0 is a First Amendment violation.

The crazy thing is that CBS is never going to actually be able to achieve state media status—that is reserved for Faux News Entertainment and the umpteen million other rightwing media human centipede TV outfits.

Colbert eventually needs to do what Joy Reid and Don Lemon have done; go indie and become ungovernable.

bruce somers's avatar

Brandon Carr, 'If Colbert and Kimmel don't want to follow the rules,they can move to cable'....ahhh question Brandon,then why the fuck do we need you anymore?? I'll answer for you...we don't...'What foods fit in your rectum?' The nearest MAGAT... maybe some pinhead at the NYTs can write a correction...

arne link's avatar

He's safe for the time being. He may be waiting for the big buyout offer. No shame in that.

SethTriggs's avatar

Absolutely. Secure the bag, and grow that bag by doing the right thing.

Neal Stiffelman's avatar

Those messages really moved me. Thanks for being so open. We have this one life. And we are all working hard to help each other and get through all we must endure.

Susie's avatar

Beautifully stated, Neal. 💜💜💜

Mark Slattery's avatar

Just another reminder that magats are the biggest fucking pussies ever! They brag about cruelty towards suffering/starving children (as if that makes them tough) and then throw hissy fits about mean comedians and blankies missing on their private jets.

Chet Brandt's avatar

Fuck them. I can’t stand any of them!

bruce somers's avatar

I believe it's pretty easy to pretend you're a tough guy when you have an armed 24 hour security detail,I heard Elon whine once he's got a 100 man security detail,I guess the bigger the asshole you are,the more folks you need, I imagine Stephen Miller still has about 10 guys trying to keep him from being jammed in a locker again. 😄

Virgin Monk Boy's avatar

Ah yes, the Equal Time Rule. Suddenly the holiest verse in the FCC Bible.

Amazing how it activates the second a Democrat sits on a couch, but naps peacefully when certain orange statesmen ramble about windmills and Hannibal Lecter.

Colbert did what comedians are meant to do. He pointed at the absurdity and refused to pretend it was normal.

If a presidency can be threatened by a late-night interview, the problem is not the interview.

It is the ego.

Blessed are the jesters. They make fragile power sweat.

bruce somers's avatar

Correct me if I'm wrong, don't all the networks on Sunday mornings give Republicans 20 minutes of uninterrupted, unchallenged lying and talking point propaganda??

2Cats2Furious's avatar

I only see recaps, but I’m pretty sure you are correct.

Brenda Doherty's avatar

Markwayne Mullin, the Senate idiot, is one lying on Sunday morning shows.

J Glaspie's avatar

Can you imagine some MAGA-rot piece of shit appearing on this show? NOBODY wants to see that, which is why they are not invited. Duh? What am I missing?

James W Marvin's avatar

Meanwhile Talerico called out the Christian Nationalists big time as so hypocritical. I live in Texas and he has my vote. I’m shocked each day while watching political ads on tv of the politicians running for senate and other offices. They all brag about being MAGA. One even calls himself MAGA Mike. And for primaries they crap all over each other that ones a rino and didn’t vote 100% Trump and then accuse each other of not being MAGA enough. Maybe I’m in a bubble but with a 36% approval rating I’m not sure crawling up trumps ass is a winning strategy. But what do I know.

James Starr's avatar

I had to move away from Texas in 2020 to get away from that flagging hell-hole after 44 years ...But if I was still there I would def be voting for Talerico ! What a breath of fresh air he is.

rlritt's avatar

He is running against Jasmine Crockett. Do you think he'd be a better Senator and can he beat Cornyn?

Ole Anderson's avatar

I would really hate to lose Crockett ‘s scathing voice on the National stage.

rlritt's avatar

She is still has her seat in the House.

Ole Anderson's avatar

I don’t think so. Her district was one of the 5 gerrymandered out of existence by Abbot and the legislature I believe

James W Marvin's avatar

Cornyn is beatable. Crockett has a good shot but I think talerico has a better chance. I believe cornyn will go down.

kdsherpa's avatar

Cuz he's a man? and she's a Black woman?

Pam Humphrey's avatar

Nope. Because he’s outspokenly (but not crazily) a Christian. That matters to a lot of Texans.

James Starr's avatar

I love Jasmine Crockett. I didnt realize he was running against her. I am not tuned in to Texas politics as I used to be since I moved to California... I think it will be a win-win no matter who

rlritt's avatar

I didnt either. Also, in CA, so I looked it up because I knew Crockett was running for the Senate. I realized they are both running to be nominated.

Dave Drell's avatar

44 years in Tex-ass is like an eternity for the rest of us!

James Starr's avatar

I believe it... I moved when I was 50 years old, now 55. I lived in California for 5.5 years in the late 90s early 2000's so I didnt include that time period as credit living in Texas...

That place disgusts me.

David M Marko's avatar

It's amazing how tone deaf these miscreants are. Thinking that promoting yourself as MAGA is a winning formula. Then they will be bewildered when they go down in flames.

Pam Humphrey's avatar

Damn, I agree. If I see one more ad of Cornyn bragging about how he helped DonOld “build the wall and secure the border,” I’m gonna lose it.

Deborah Hunter's avatar

What are we going to do in our spare time in the ER if people can't shove toys/vegetables/bottles up their ass anymore??

Susan Niemann's avatar

My friend is a colorectal surgeon and she tells me that it is AMAZING what she's seen up there. Seriously, we need to worry about the human race. 🙄

HI2thDoc's avatar

True story. In dental school we had an instructor who was an ER physician. He mentioned off handedly the vast variety of foreign objects that get lodged in the human body (he did not specify which orifices but we could guess from the context).

And amazingly, he said, when asked how this had happened, the universal response was "I tripped and fell on it."

Susan Niemann's avatar

😂😂😂👏👏👏

Dave Drell's avatar

Susan- ask your friend if we can shove little Marco up Drumpf’s ass?

Susan Niemann's avatar

HA!!! Isnt he already there??

Pam Humphrey's avatar

He’d probably fit.

SeekingReason's avatar

😳I think think we need to delete a portion of the human race.

bruce somers's avatar

Anyone seen Miss Lindsey recently??

HI2thDoc's avatar

Well, why do you ask? Coincidence?

Bob's avatar

He was in Munich last weekend, rallying for the shah’s kid to retake power in Iran. As if one totalitarian is better than another.

Deborah Hunter's avatar

He needs to be in rehab.

arne link's avatar

Ha, ha, ha. Ouch!

Suel J's avatar

You know. I don't know why people don't buy specific toys designed for that, but in the moment ....

Catherine's avatar

Lol, no doubt, so true 😂