Captain Crazypants clownfucks his way to war

Operation Epstein Distraction is already a five-alarm shit-show.

Mar 02, 2026

here’s a huge mistake the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press are making right now, as they cover Dear Leader’s Splendid Iran Adventure™: they’re treating Donny as if he were a rational actor who knows what he’s doing.

spoiler alert: he’s not. he’s bugfuck nuts, in steep cognitive decline, and there is no plan. he’s making it all up as he goes along.

apparently, Mad King Donny spent all of yesterday afternoon phoning random reporters, and giving each one a different explanation for what the hell is going on. The Economist’s Gregg Carlstrom sums it up nicely.

Trump is basically calling up every journalist in his phone to workshop different timelines and goals for his war. In the past two days:
Washington Post: the aim is “freedom for the people” of Iran
Axios: maybe we can “end it in two or three days” with a deal
New York Times: might be “four to five weeks”, I have “three very good choices” who might take control in Iran
ABC News: actually, nevermind, we killed those choices

perfectly normal stuff.

but even Carlstrom fails to recognize what’s obvious: these are the actions of a gibbering loon. Donny’s brain has gone fuckity-bye, and he’s flailing, calling up reporters one by one and telling them what he thinks they want to hear — and he sure as shit probably can’t even remember what he told the last reporter he spoke to five minutes earlier.

I mean, look at Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants. he’s a deteriorating mess. the lights are on, but nobody’s home. no, strike that — the lights aren’t even on.

oh yeah, this is exactly the guy who you want in charge of a nuclear arsenal.

all you reporters who savaged Joe Biden because he was icky and old and smelled bad and probably didn’t even know he was already dead, but are staying silent as Donny’s handlers prop him up like a moldering cadaver — you should be fucking ashamed of yourselves.

and what is this insanity? apparently, none of the shitwits running Operation Epstein Distraction expected Iran to fight back, and now we’re running out of munitions.

When the U.S. military’s top general laid out the risks to President Trump of launching a major and extended attack on Iran, one of the issues he flagged was America’s stockpile of munitions.
Now that is being put to the test, as the U.S. races to destroy Iran’s missile and drone force before it runs out of interceptors to fend off Tehran’s retaliation, current and former officials and analysts say.

this has the hubristic hand of Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand all over it. you can well imagine him telling Donny, ‘don’t worry, sir, my warfighters are going to warfight the shit out of this thing. it’ll be over in fifteen minutes.’

ha fucking ha.

this is why you don’t appoint a Fox News dunk-tank clown with masculinity issues to be your Secretary of Whatever The Fuck He’s Calling Himself Today. Piss-Drunk Pete is in way over his head.

let’s once again revisit Timothy Snyder’s ‘five things to remember about war’ — and pay particular attention to number five.

5. Wars are easy to start and hard to stop

by the way, each one of these interceptor missiles costs fifteen million dollars, and we’re shooting them off like they were bottle rockets on the Fourth of July. think about that the next time Donny tells you that we can’t afford to give anyone healthcare.

fuck me — it’s only Monday, and it’s already been one of the longest weeks of our lives. we’re going to get a lot of use out of this gif, I can see it coming.

oh, look — Lindsey Graham pulled his head out of Dear Leader’s ass long enough to embarrass himself on Meet the Press.

Lindsey Graham: “our goal is to make sure Iran cannot become again the largest state sponsor of terrorism.”

Kristen Welker: “does the the president have a plan to guarantee that happens?”

Graham: “no. it’s not his job.”

dear friends, please excuse me for a moment as I completely lose my shit.

IT’S NOT HIS FUCKING JOB? then what is Donny’s job, Lindsey? please, please, I beg of you — educate us. is it to use the powers of the presidency enrich himself? is it to goof off and play golf at every opportunity? is it to build a gaudy Epstein Dance Hall? is it to make sure the Dead Pedo Bestie Files never see the light of day? because I’m pretty sure none of that shit is in the Constitution.

so, ~~three~~ (actually, four) US service members lost their lives in the line of duty yesterday.

Ambassador Mike Waltz’s disgraceful reaction was basically to fart out a glib ‘stuff happens.’

‘freedom is never free’ is such an easy thing to say when it’s other people’s children getting killed, isn’t it?

but the clear winner of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping Callous Piece of Shit Prize goes to Preznit Fuckwit, who issued a taped statement in which he was a slurring mess who could barely read the words off the teleprompter that was right in front of him.

“sadly, there will likely be more before it ends. that’s the way it is. likely be more.”

no emotion, no feeling — Donny’s just distractedly reading words that someone else wrote for him, with all the conviction of a teenager forced to apologize for leaving a flaming bag of dog shit on his neighbor’s porch.

look, some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice Dear Leader is willing to make.

folks, can I just lose my shit again?

NO, THAT ISN’T ‘THE WAY IT IS.’

the death toll right now should be ZERO, because nobody had to die in Donny’s unnecessary, unprovoked and illegal war.

don’t take my word for it. I’m just some hothead who cusses on the internet. listen instead to the Pentagon.

WASHINGTON, March 1 (Reuters) - Trump administration officials acknowledged in closed-door briefings with congressional staff on Sunday that there was no intelligence suggesting Iran planned to attack U.S. forces first, two people familiar with the matter said.

one by one, Donny’s bullshit excuses for going to war are all going down in flames.

there was no imminent threat, so maybe Donny and his stooges can stop insisting that there was no choice but to attack Iran right this instant.

even that slimy lickspittle, the Esteemed Senator Fidel Cancun, is backing away from Operation Epstein Distraction.

Ted Cruz: “I have no indication they were anywhere close to getting nuclear weapons.”

none of this had to happen — and now Donny has actual deaths on his hands. not just of US service members, but also of over a hundred innocent Iranian schoolchildren.

shit happens, am I right? I guess that’s just the way it is.

so, these fallen service members — were they suckers, or were they losers? because it’s well-known that’s how Dear Leader regards Americans who died for their country.

I’m sorry, bone-spur coward says what?

keep your fucked-up opinions to yourself, you hideous piece of trash.

fallen heroes are of no use to Donny, unless he needs them to be campaign props.

and then there’s this dumbfuckery. last night, as Donny returned to the White House after his weekend at Motel-a-Lago, he ignored reporters’ questions about the Iran debacle. all he wanted to talk about were the fugly new statues he’d installed in the Epstein Parking Lot where the Rose Garden used to be.

“unbelievable statues. you’ll see. come and look at them.”

great. enjoy your shithole statues, you ghoul.

if there were ever a perfect moment for a reporter to have finally won my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™ — which is now in its 2,162nd day — this would have been it.

sadly, there were no takers.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.