boo fucking hoo — Trump campaign can’t raise a dime as Haley donors defect to Biden

Donny isn’t just personally broke — so is his campaign

hey, it turns out that Little Donny Fuckface isn’t just personally broke, and seemingly unable to prevent his shitty golf motels from being confiscated. no ma’am, his presidential campaign is in the shitter, too.

that’s right — the sUcCeSsFuL bUsInEsSmAn who famously bankrupted six casinos is doing a bang-up job of bankrupting his presidential campaign.

it looks like your racist uncle — that day-drunk dipshit who keeps ruining every Thanksgiving — may finally be tiring of forwarding his disability checks to Dear Leader.

Donald Trump’s reelection campaign has begun to see warning signs that the small-dollar donors who fueled his last run for the White House have slowed their support to the former president this year, according to people familiar with the matter.

Since late last year, members of Trump’s team have been warned by Republican Party advisors that their small-dollar donor base could be shrinking, said the sources, who were granted anonymity to discuss internal campaign matters.

and it’s not just your drunk uncle — the six-figure-donor class has suddenly come down with a severe case of closed-wallet-itis.

The drop in Trump’s small-dollar donations is magnified by a second problem: Many wealthy Republican donors have yet to commit to giving millions of dollars toward a pro-Trump political action committee, or to using their extensive networks to raise money for the campaign, according to people familiar with the matter.

I know, right? it’s hard to believe that deep-pocket plutocrats are hesitant to roll the dice on a visibly-deteriorating demento who is going to use their money to pay the lawyers working on his four criminal trials.

of course, that’s why Trump turned the RNC into his personal ATM: so he could siphon the money that should be going to down-ballot campaigns into his own pockets. except — oopsies! — there’s that pesky little you can’t squeeze blood from a stone thing. if there’s no money coming in, there’s no money to steal.

so sad!

but you know who’s campaign isn’t broke? good old Dark Brandon’s. his campaign is fucking swimming in cash.

WASHINGTON (AP) — President Joe Biden’s campaign has amassed $155 million in cash on hand for the 2024 election, far exceeding the in-hand total for his Republican opponent, Donald Trump.

The president raised $53 million alone last month, which was the strongest grassroots fundraising month since the campaign launched, according to campaign officials.

but please tell me again how nobody likes Joe Biden — he’s so decrepit and icky — and he needs to step down for the good of the country.

now here’s a story that guaranteed to make Donny shit a massive brick: Nikki Haley’s major donors are defecting to Biden:

At least half a dozen high-dollar Nikki Haley donors, including former Chair of MGM Harry Sloan, are now operating as fundraisers for President Biden’s re-election campaign. According to reporting from NBC, Sloan was recruited to come to the Biden campaign after Haley dropped out by movie producer Jeffrey Katzenberg, Co-Chair of the Biden-Harris campaign. 

Sloan told CNBC that he agreed to join the Biden campaign and was actively recruiting Republican business owners to fundraise for Biden in order to prevent a return of Donald Trump to the White House.

how fucking toxic is Donny Shitforbrains that Republicans are telling Republicans to donate to Joe?

but wait — there’s even more bad news for Commander Clownfuck. five states held their primaries yesterday, and Trump managed to shit the bed in every one. as Heather Cox Richardson explains,

Trump, who is the only person still in the Republican race, won all five of today’s Republican races. But the results showed that his support is soft. Results are still coming in, but as I write this, former South Carolina governor Nikki Haley, who has suspended her campaign, received between 13% and 20% of the vote, Florida governor Ron DeSantis—who has also suspended his campaign—picked up votes, and “none of the names shown” got more than 5% in Kansas. 

Even in Ohio, where Trump’s preferred Senate candidate won, Trump received less than 80% of the Republican vote. After NBC News conducted an exit poll in Ohio, MSNBC producer Kyle Griffin reported that of Ohio Republican primary voters—who are typically the most committed party members—11% said they would vote for Biden in November and another 8% said they wouldn’t vote for either Trump or Biden.

to quote Animal House’s Dean Wormer, “broke, unpopular and demented is no way to go through life, son.”

I may be misremembering the exact wording, but I think that was the gist of it.

and finally, the Trump Debt Counter continues its unstoppable journey to March 25th.

as of 9:54 this morning, Donny must raise $467,552,648.54 in order to prevent Letitia James from turning Trump Tower into the world’s gaudiest homeless shelter.

tick tock, fucknut — five days.

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hey, here’s a cute little cautionary tale.

ninety-one years ago this week, on March 22, 1933 — only 51 days after rising to power in Germany — those madcap funsters known as the Nazis opened their very first concentration camp, in the town of Dachau.

so, who were the first people to be sent to Dachau? was it the Jews? au contraire, mon frere. the very first inmates were the Nazis’ political opponents — “foes,” as this AP report describes them.

Camps Used By Nazis to Convert Foes

18,000 Germans, Mostly Socialists and Communists, to Be Held in Political Camps Until They Become ‘Fit Citizens’ — Routine Strict

the official story from the Nazis was that these “foes” were to be “kept there until they become ‘fit citizens,’ reconciled, if not converted, to the Nazi regime and Adolf Hitler.”

that’s how it started. when it ended, 12 years later, over 6 million “foes” were dead.

now let’s see — who else do we know who likes to brand his “foes” as socialists and communists, and who vows in every campaign speech to build massive camps big enough to hold millions of people?

as if you needed a ten-thousandth reason to keep Agolf Shitler out of office.