bizarros, freaks and incels gather at buffoonpalooza

the CPAC circus is in town

hey everyone, it’s CPAC time again. all this weekend, the shittiest people in the world are going to be congratulating each other for their shittiness.

these people aren’t just shitty — they’re creepy as hell. in 2021, they actually wheeled around a golden statue of Dear Leader.

look at it this way: amateur cultists go to Trump rallies. professional cultists go to CPAC.

it’s a fucking clown show, and this year it’s going to be worse than usual — because the bellyaching grievance-babies who spent the last four years being sore losers are now going to prance about as sore winners. ugh.

here’s some of the shit that went down on Day One.

oh look, Skippy the Dipshit, the world’s most-tiresome prop comic, brought a chainsaw with him — because he’s Texas-chainsaw-massacring the shit out of government, get it? get it???

remember when Skippy bought Twitter, and brought a sink with him to the office, because let that sink in? get it? get it???

seriously, if all your humor is on the level of get it? get it???, it’s really time to give it up and leave it to the professionals.

hey, Space Nazi — I’ve brought a prop with me, too. it’s a middle finger, because go fuck yourself. get it? get it???

let that sink in.

anyway, Skippy was barely coherent. what the fuck is this circus geek trying to communicate in this clip?

hey, maybe that’s why the teenage flying incels from DOGE mistakenly fired all the people who maintain our country’s nuclear weapons — because no one could figure out what the fuck Kid Ketamine was saying.

“did he say to fire the nuke experts, or was he asking for a cappuccino?”
“I don’t know, let’s do both just to be on the safe side.”

Couchfuck McGee was on hand, and — hey, tell me if this sounds like an open invitation to commit rape.

“our culture sends a message to young men that you should suppress every masculine urge. you should try to cast aside your family, you should try to suppress what makes you a young man in the first place. and I think that my message to young men is, don’t allow this broken culture to send you a message that you’re a bad person because you’re a man, because you like to tell a joke, because you like to have a beer with your friends.”

what in the holy name of Toxic Masculinity Jesus is this dangerous twaddle?

guys, can we talk? ‘our culture’ isn’t telling you that you can’t have a beer. where did this imaginary grievance come from? is this about Piss-Drunk Pete? all we’re saying is don’t be an asshole. being an asshole is not a male urge. being an asshole is an asshole urge.

calling someone a retard is an asshole urge. there are over a million words in the English language. find a different one. it’s not that hard, fucknozzle. see? I just did it.

don’t be an asshole, that’s all we’re asking of you assholes. let other people live out their lives in peace and quiet.

oh, and molesting furniture? that’s not a male urge, either. that’s just being weird. cut that shit out.

of course it wouldn’t be a gathering of conservatives if at least one asshole didn’t throw a sieg heil. this time it was one-man leper colony Rotting Steve Three-Shirt’s turn.

oh no, no, excuse me, not a sieg heil. a Roman salute.

it’s so tiresome by now, the obligatory Nazi salute and the what, me? that comes after it. it’s just performative trigger-the-libs dipshittery — and a lazy way to get a cheer from the crowd.

I’m doing that thing that leftists hate. get it? get it???

yes, we get it. you’re a fucking Nazi. now find some new look-at-me antic to pull, this one’s getting tedious.

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not all the fucknuttery that happened yesterday was at CPAC.

have you heard that latest wingnut fever-swamp hallucination? somehow, according to these brainiacs, all the gold in Fort Knox has been stolen, and missing for years.

and now, because our president is the lowest-information nitwit on the planet and believes everything Nosferatu McGoebbels whispers into his magically-regenerated ear, he’s going to get to the bottom of this.

“all my life I’ve heard about Fort Knox, that’s where the gold is kept, right? I heard, ‘Fort Knox, oh ho ho,’ but you know, we’re getting a little bit shaky, we’re getting the yips on this stuff, like I want to find out, so we’re gonna open up the doors, I’m going to see if we have gold there. I’m going to find out, did anybody steal the gold in Fort Knox?”

I’m sorry, but what the fuck is Donny preparing us for? remember, every accusation is a confession with these goniffs. don’t be surprised if Donny swings open the front doors of Fort Knox and announces aha! aha! the gold’s all gone — while out the back door, the Space Nazi drives away in a Brinks truck.

and then watch them blame it on Sleepy Brandon.

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holy shit, Donny’s lost the New York Fishwrap. check out today’s front page.

know who else Donny seems to have lost? the American people. Donny’s poll numbers are cratering right now.

it turns out that even MAGA doesn’t like Kid Ketamine taking his chainsaw to the government programs that they’re just now finding out that they use, too. somehow, these fuckwits thought that firing half the government would somehow only affect drag queens.

pissed-off Republicans could be our best chance at getting out of this nightmare. it’s only been a month, and Donny and the Space Nazi have already overplayed their hand. nobody voted for planes to start falling out of the sky — and last time I looked, polio polls pretty poorly.

remember George W. Bush? after eight years of his clownfuckery, the country was so eager be shut of Republicanism that even racists voted for the black guy.

Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize for basically not being George W. Bush. seriously, the entire world was so grateful to Obama for winning his election they pretty much gave him a prize for it.

let that sink in.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.