BEST OF 2023: don’t give me any bullshit about how unfairly Donald Trump is being treated
Trump has been handled with kid gloves his entire pampered life
with government and courts shut down this week and hardly any news to write about, I’ll be reposting some of my favorite pieces from the past year, and then closing out 2023 with ‘this year in stupid.’
(oh wait, there are a couple of small bits of news today: Rudy Colludy is in danger of losing the honorary knighthood that the UK bestowed on him for being the first dipshit to jump in front of a camera on the morning of 9/11. ha ha. fuck that guy. also, Melania was nowhere to be found at Mar-a-Lago and Shitty Hitler had to have Christmas dinner with strangers. boo fucking hoo.)
the post below was written on August 21, days after Donald Trump’s fourth criminal indictment. it’s as true today as it was when I published it. four months have passed, and Little Donny Fuckface is still being shown ridiculous deference. he’s getting away with behavior that would have long ago landed any other person in jail for multiple violations of gag orders and bail agreements. meanwhile, Kalief Browder is still dead.
— jeff t
Donald Trump was indicted in Manhattan on 35 felony counts of business fraud. he was driven by motorcade to his arraignment where he pleaded not guilty and was released without bail. he was not handcuffed or fingerprinted, nor were mug shots taken. afterwards, Trump held a rally.
Kalief Browder was a 16-year-old kid from the Bronx. he was accused of stealing a backpack. cops arrested him, handcuffed him and took him to jail, where he was fingerprinted and photographed. at his arraignment, he pleaded not guilty. he was denied bail and was sent to Rikers Island to await trial.
Donald Trump was indicted in Florida on 40 felony counts of stealing classified documents and hiding them in the unspeakably ugly bathroom of his shitty vermin-infested Florida golf motel. he flew in his private jet to Palm Beach, where again he was driven by motorcade to his arraignment. again, he pleaded not guilty, and again he was neither handcuffed nor fingerprinted. no mug shots were taken, and he was released without bail. afterwards, he went on TV to whine about it.
after arriving at Rikers Island, Kalief Browder spent the next three years there — two of them in solitary confinement — waiting for a trial that never came. surveillance footage shows Kalief being beaten by both corrections officers and fellow prisoners. trial dates were set, and then postponed, and then set again, and then postponed again and again — for three years.
Donald Trump was indicted in Washington DC on 4 felony counts, including conspiracy to obstruct an official proceeding and conspiracy to defraud the United States. he flew by private jet and was one more time driven by motorcade to his arraignment, where he pleaded not guilty. this time, he was fingerprinted, but was neither handcuffed nor photographed. after being released without bail, he held a rally.
after spending three years in Rikers without a trial, charges against Kalief Browder were dropped and he was released. Kalief was so traumatized by the experience that he later committed suicide.
Donald Trump was indicted in Georgia on 41 felony charges relating to election fraud. he’s going to fly by private jet and be driven by motorcade to the arraignment that will take place this week, but this time it’s going to be just a little bit different.
for the first time in his soft, pampered life, he’s going to get a very small taste of what the American legal system is like for the rest of us. Donald Trump will finally get the full arraignment experience — fingerprints, height, weight, mug shot. he might even be handcuffed.
Trump’s worshipers are going ballistic.
it’s not fair, they’re screaming. how can they treat him like this?
he’s going to have a mug shot.
boo hoo hoo.
everyone’s going to find out his true height and weight.
cry me a fucking river.
it’s going to be on television.
well then pass me the popcorn.
is Donald Trump being treated unfairly?
let’s ask Kalief Browder if Donald Trump is being treated unfairly.
oh wait, we can’t.
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